Once Upon a Time Season 3 Episode 15 – TV Review

OUaT Robin Regina flirt sexual tension ship

“Archery puns are all I’ve got. It’s a good thing I’m so pretty.”

Luckily for us, amnesia means that Regina and Robin get to flirt with each other all over again.

But unluckily, Once Upon a Time is staying on form from last week, because there’s no kiss.

Yet.

TL;DR The gang recovers Gold/Rumple, but Baelfire dies in the process; then Zelena reclaims Gold/Rumple anyway; he does manage to tell Emma that Zelena is the Wicked Witch, though; Regina and Robin flirt up a storm; flashbacks show us how Baelfire and Belle managed to get Gold/Rumple revived in the first place.

Through the Disney, family friendly art of blood sacrifice.

The Storybrooke plot has our heroes still scrambling to hunt down Gold/Rumple. Baelfire’s sudden appearance temporarily slows them down (what, with all these emotions like “relief” and “love” and “I missed you.” What do those even mean?), but Emma and David do manage to find him in the woods. Zelena, who isn’t too pleased about him having escaped, interferes by sending her homing monkey in, and they lose him. Then Emma finds Baelfire in the woods, and all becomes clear: Baelfire used some Dark One spell thing to revive Gold/Rumple in the Enchanted Forest, but the price was his own life. Gold/Rumple then fused with him. Present day Baelfire realises that his dad is more valuable to defeating the Wicked Witch, and elects to die so that Gold can live. He does, and he does. Gold lets Zelena’s identity out of the bag, but she manages to recapture him anyway. Meanwhile, Regina bumps into Robin while searching for clues at the farm house. They flirt heavily, but she is spooked off when she realises he’s the man with the lion tattoo that Tinkerbell showed her was her love. And the Enchanted Forest flashbacks show Baelfire and Belle getting assistance from candle prisoner Lumiere in resurrecting Gold/Rumple. It turns out he was under duress from Zelena, who wanted Gold/Rumple back alive by any means so she could harness his power.

She doesn’t give a fuck about Baelfire dying. And neither should anyone else.

I reckon the twist of having Baelfire be inside Gold/Rumple was pretty genius, so I’ll applaud this episode for that.

But I am disappointed that Zelena’s secret is out so quickly. She didn’t even get to mess around with Snow all that much. All she really does is give her some suspicious orange juice. Ooh, so creepy. Not.

If there’s one thing we can praise Game of Thrones for, it’s setting the bar stabbingly high on the “fucking with pregnant characters” front.

 

Why I hate this episode:

How did Gold/Rumple escape Zelena’s cage? I suppose Baelfire might have popped out, and I guess he isn’t under the dagger control that Gold/Rumple is, so I can see why it would be possible for him to escape. But it’s not like Zelena didn’t know he was in there. Surely she should have taken some measures to prevent that from happening?

I don’t really give a fuck about Baelfire’s death. I haven’t missed him at all these past few episodes. Besides, now the coast is clear for Emma to go slide onto Hook’s hook. Nobody loses.

This is hilariously evident when Emma has to admit to Henry the reason they’ve come to Storybrooke was to help his father, but now he’s dead. Henry’s like “IDGAF.” God. I can’t believe I actually agree with Henry.

Emma just leaves Gold out in the woods with Baelfire’s buddy while she goes off to hunt for Zelena at Snow and David’s apartment. Shockingly, Zelena finds Gold and re-imprisons him. Umm, maybe you could have, like, taken Gold with you or something? I’m sure Belle would have liked to have seen him, at least. Rude, Emma.

Zelena’s taking a pretty ridiculous risk in returning Gold to the cage at the farm house. Because, as Regina and Robin demonstrate, everyone knows where that fucking farm house is and is super suspicious of it now. Come on, baby. You can do better than this.

Baelfire has a whinge about how Henry doesn’t remember him. Yes. We know. We’ve already been through that with Regina. Shut up.

After Gold/Rumple’s been resurrected and Zelena steals his dagger to control him, she commands him to kill Belle. To prevent this, Lumiere constricts Zelena so Belle can get away. Umm, Zelena wasn’t the one she had to worry about. It was Gold/Rumple. Who just sits there and does nothing.

Belle eventually figures out Lumiere’s deception, so he spills that the Wicked Witch forced him to do it and the plan to revive Gold/Rumple using the Dark One’s vault is a trap. But Baelfire’s like “Lol, whatevs” and does it anyway. You deserved to die.

Oh, and I have a theory on why Zelena’s so interested in Snow and her baby, which I’ll get to in a second, but if I’m wrong, then why is she involving bloody Snow in her plans to get revenge on Regina? I know Regina isn’t the Snow-icidal maniac she used to be, but I don’t think she’d really give all that much of a shit if harm were to befall her.

 

But it’s not all bad:

My Zelena theory is that she wants the baby for her own. She wants what Rumple always wanted, which I have taken to mean a family. I guess stealing Snow’s baby is just a side mission to her main goal of screwing with Regina, then?

She appears to be trying to hurry along the birth, too. Which is probably for the best. David forces Snow to sit out of helping find Gold/Rumple due to the pregnancy. The only thing worse than a boring, obstructive-when-trying-to-participate Snow is a Snow-at-home. Nobody wants to see that.

Regina and Robin manage to steal the show with their romantic interludes. Regina gets the best line of the episode when Robin finds a bottle of liquid as part of his “lean just to the side of Regina in a sultry manner while examining mundane ojbects while supposedly looking for clues” flirtation plan: “It’s called whiskey. And no, it’s not magical. Especially the next day.” Don’t I know it.

Then Robin suggests they have a drink together. Scandalous.

She sees the lion tattoo and remembers Tinkerbell’s meddling. She later spies on him while he’s playing with his son, and her expression is one of longing. Maybe Regina can get a man and a son in one sweep? Pretty nifty.

Belle realises Lumiere is deceiving her and Baelfire after he claims to have been in Rumple’s library for 200 years. Rumple only built it for Belle, and much more recently. Boom, bitch.

Zelena forces the revived Rumple to choose between his dagger and his son. Rumple shows that not all character development is temporary and chooses his son. Aww.

Belle shows she’s not ungrateful and takes Lumiere with her when she flees Zelena and Rumple.

Hook hugs Baelfire after he is found in Storybrooke. He still cares about the little boy who came onto his ship all those years ago. What a sweetheart.

Oh, and the time is now, Hook. Move in.

OUaT Baelfire Neil dies

“Okay. If you say so.”

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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