Once Upon a Time in Wonderland Season 1 Episode 12 – TV Review

Once Wonderland Amara Jafar mirror battle

Cyrus. Thankfully.

Amara’s back, bitches.

Her first act? Accidentally cause Cyrus to be impaled and die.

She really failed those kids, hey?

TL;DR Jafar is allowed by most of the main cast to complete the spell to break magic because we’ve got some loved ones that need reviving, dammit; flashbacks show how Alice first met the Knave of Hearts and helped him get his heart back.

Sadly, no Cora this time.

So following on from last week’s murder or Red, Jafar reminds Will that if the laws of magic are broken, then they can bring her back to life. He tasks Will with retrieving the cobra staff from Cyrus, because Jafar needs the power of a second sorcerer to do the spell, apparently. Despite opposition from Alice and Cyrus, Will manages to convince them to help him. Mostly by reminding Alice that he’s put his whole life on hold to help her with Cyrus, the selfish bitch. They get a surprise ally in the Jabberwocky, who is sick of Jafar’s shit and wants her freedom. The crew infiltrates the castle, and the cornerstone of whatever their plan ended up being was to have an un-staffed Amara fight Jafar. Jafar uses her mirror shard attack to kill Cyrus, and then convinces her to help him complete the rule breaker spell so they can bring him back to life. And in flashback, we see Will as the Knave of Hearts, under the Queen of Hearts’ (Cora) control due to her having his heart. Alice is a goody two-shoes, so she decides to help the man who was trying to kill her, and retrieves his heart from the vault. He then helps her get the Rabbit in a bag to show her father as proof of Wonderland, and they part ways just at the point where Alice first stumbled upon Cyrus’ lamp.

Reminding us of a time where Alice was relevant to the plot. Those were the days.

I suppose what bothered me about this episode was the ambiguity of what our heroes’ plan was with Jafar, anyway. It looked like Cyrus and Alice were ready to help Will break the laws of magic to resurrect Red. But then the plan ended up being “have Amara fight Jafar.” Unless they weren’t aware that two sorcerers were necessary to complete the spell (and Amara should have known that), then had they decided not to pursue the rule breaker and were content to leave Red dead?

Because that’s pretty fuckin’ rude, Alice.

 

Why I hate this episode:

Also, how the hell did they un-staff Amara? I assume the Jabberwocky might have aided in that. But if she was strong enough to undo Jafar’s spells, then why didn’t she just fight off Jafar on her own?

Also, why didn’t the Jabberwocky just fight off Jafar on her own? If she’s as omnipotent as everyone in Wonderland seems to think she is, why couldn’t she just pimp slap Jafar the fuck outta her way and take the vorpal blade on her own? Or, like, stab him in his sleep or something. You’re the terror of the land, JabJab. You can figure something out.

The Sultan bitches at Jafar for being mean to Will. Cunt, please.

Alice’s break-in of the Queen of Hearts’ vault is pathetically easy. All she has to do is walk around the guards. The door isn’t even secured. Nor are the individual heart boxes, which also have the simplest filing code possible. Ridiculous.

I still find it pretty rough that Alice was going to kidnap Rabbit to prove to her father that Wonderland was real. Our protagonist, everyone.

Alice clumsily falls into a river just so Will has to save her, and then she knows she can trust him about wanting the staff. She has officially devolved into Bella Swan.

The Jabberwocky has a sook about how she wasn’t born a monster: a cruel world conditioned her into becoming one. You’d think if she had the self-awareness to realise that, then she could muster the effort to not be a maniac.

Red is still dead all episode, so doesn’t get to do anything. Criminal.

Amara’s attacks on Jafar are all whirlwinds of mediocre CGI.

Oh, and when Alice witnesses Jafar and Amara doing the rule breaker spell at the end of the episode, she looks pretty horrified. I take this as evidence that she didn’t want to resurrect Red after all, and is the selfish brat I always knew she was.

 

But it’s not all bad:

Flashback Alice isn’t so bad. She actually goes very far out of her way and places herself in danger to help the Knave, who as far she knows is just another nobody who wants to kill her. Where did it all go so wrong, Alice?

Her demonstration of control over Will once she has his heart is cute. Why did Once Upon a Time in Wonderland not play the sexual tension between her and Will up more?

Cyrus originally wants to return the cobra staff to Nyx. Sure, that would let his brothers off the hook as genies, but it would likely reverse the cure for Amara’s wounds and kill her. I like a man who can make a tough decision.

Will sucessfully (though briefly) steals the cobra staff by punching Cyrus in the face. I do not disapprove.

Jafar is able to deduce Amara is the genies’ mother just by looking at them. Ah, racial profiling.

The Jabberwocky’s role in the gang’s scheme is to bring Cyrus to Jafar as a prisoner. It’s pretty superfluous, but I thought it was cute.

Best line of the episode goes to Jafar after he’s fought off some CGI serpents Amara summons against him: “Snakes? You need a new bit, Amara.” Meow, gurlfriend.

Jafar impaling Cyrus was almost too satisfying to handle. Could have used some more blood, though.

Oh, and Jafar flaunts Red’s body to Will to emotionally traumatise him. And she shows her fairytale roots by being inside a glass coffin.

Once Wonderland Red Queen Anastasia dead glass coffin Snow White

Actually, better not. I think it’s still mouldy.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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