Glee Season 5 Episode 13 – TV Review

Glee Santana unimpressed New Directions

If glee club is dead, why not use a song that’s already been flogged to death?

Glee club is dead.

We finally won.

TL;DR Glee club is dead, but they go out singing (obviously); Holly and April’s plan apparently didn’t entail saving glee club, despite what they said; everyone is emotional and blah blah you know what’s going on.

It’ll be okay, as long as they don’t stop believin’.

The plot is more of a continuation of the sing song send-off the gang have been doing since last episode. It’s glee club’s final week, and it’s also graduation week for the seniors. Everyone pals around and sings songs and stuff. Holly and April try to inject music into the Animal Husbandry Club to keep the spirit of glee alive at McKinley, but it’s a failure. So they settle for giving Will a heroic video montage and having the glee club, past and present, sing Don’t Stop Believin’ together one (hopefully) last time. Subplots include: Tina’s acceptance into Brown; Santana resigning from Funny Girl; Santana and Brittany getting back together; Puck and Quinn officially getting back together; Sue being nice to Will; and Blaine getting acceptance into NYADA.

The Generation 2 Glee-sters get no subplots. Which is exactly what they deserve.

If I didn’t know there was a season 6 on the way (as well as several more episodes this season), I’d say this feels exactly like a series finale. God, I wish it could be.

Do they really expect Glee to be able to shuffle along for another whole season (as well as several more episodes this season) without actually having the glee club exist?

They’ve been given a deadline. Why are they jumping the shark now?


Why I hate this episode:

Glee without glee club. Sounds like a good idea.

Tina, bizarrely, gets prominence this episode. And it doesn’t even pan out. She’s still stressing about being wait-listed at Brown, so she tries to con some Jewish university into believing she’s a hardcore Jew (she omits the “Chang” from her surname). They find out, obviously, so she’s rejected. To cheer her up, Sam, Blaine, and Artie sing her a song, and then they all pledge to move to New York together. Plan or no plan.

Then she gets accepted into Brown anyway (despite saying the chance of that is almost impossibly slim). Why bother with all that hooplah, then?

Blaine gets accepted into NYADA. I thought it was bullshit when 2 students from the same backwater, public school were accepted into the world’s most prestigious performing arts school within a year of each other. I guess Glee really doesn’t give a fuck, so here’s another.

Blaine gets a couple of featured lines during Don’t Stop Believin’, and he’s terrible.

Gwyneth Paltrow still can’t sing.

Gwyneth Paltrow still can’t remember how to act.

Upon viewing the Will tribute from on high, April and Holly commend each other for a scheme well done. Wasn’t your scheme to save the glee club? Not give Will a melodramatic pat on the back? And if this is simply you accepting the inevitable, you didn’t try very fucking hard. Holly (poorly) sang one song in one other club before giving up. What the hell, bitches? April didn’t even do anything.

April didn’t even sing.

Sam accidentally knocks out Tina with a trophy, and she has brief fantasy where she and the gang are in Chums, a parody of friends. It’s nightmarish. Why, Glee? Why? You can taste the desperation.

Also, 30 Rock already beat you to the Chums thing. Does the name Wesley Snipes mean nothing to you, Glee?

Early on, Rachel tries to make peace with Santana by offering her 10 shows of Funny Girl after the first 3, no contest. Santana is like “Fuck you, I want it all.” Cunt, getting 10 shows guaranteed sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me.

And while I’m glad Santana eventually bows out, it goes to show what a needlessly obstructive jerk she is that she’d jeopardise Rachel’s dream while not really giving a crap about it herself. Rude.

Santana is back with Brittany, I guess. What about Dani?

Oh, and the song Sam, Artie, and Blaine sing to cheer Tina up is a down-tempo version of Loser Like Me, one of Glee’s original songs. This is a personal thing, but I despise when pop songs are slowed down and done acoustic style to imbue them with “meaning.” Girls Just Wanna Have Fun is one of the all-time worst (and Glee went there, too. Natch), and this reminded me a lot of that.


But it’s not all bad:

Glee club’s dead. Bask in it, baby.

The highlight of the episode, if you can put the vocal ability aside, is Holly’s big disco number. It’s glitzy.

It also gets a flood of hate mail from the Animal Husbandry Club, and is the reason why Holly and April’s plan fails. It’s win-win.

Don’t Stop Believin’ was superfluous, but it was nice. And is exactly the bookend Glee needed. There’s not even much Finn angsting.

Santana’s resignation from Funny Girl is just what I wanted. Santana also nabs herself the best line of the episode during her announcement to Rachel about it: “I didn’t do this for you. I did this entirely for myself.” From now on, use your selfishness for good. Instead of evil.

And she recognises that Rachel’s dream has always been to be in Funny Girl on Broadway. Santana only wanted it because it was there.

Holly and April play Marry Fuck Kill, and April says she would fuck Figgins over Will or Brian the piano guy. I lol’d.

Holly goes to Artie for help after the disco downer, and Artie misinterprets her advance as being sexual. He’s immediately on the phone to text message breakup with Kitty so they can get it on. Unfortunately, she corrects him.

Sue and Holly are apparently best friends, and they have an Amazing Race audition tape.

Quinn and Puck get to sing the last choir room song. Ha! Suck it, Kurt and Blaine.

The video presentation for Will is everyone addressing his and Emma’s unborn child and saying how amazing Will is yada yada yada. It’s sweet.

Holly and April resolve to go rob a bank and go on a gay cruise together. Because being the only women there, they’ll get all the attention. Live the dream, aging hags. I suppose Gwyneth could use a good time, you know?

Tina can’t go to New York. Which I’m praying means she won’t be back at all.

Sue acknowledges Will as a worthy adversary.

Sue got Will an interview to be Vocal Adrenalin’s coach.

Santana’s dismissal of Dani mirrors how I feel about Demi Lovato.

Oh, and the Friends parody isn’t entirely good for nothing.

Glee Friends Chums parody

I haven’t got the proactivity for that.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

6 responses to “Glee Season 5 Episode 13 – TV Review”

  1. Lydia says :

    When that Chum sequence came up, I was thinking they were going to do the Friends theme song, but they didn’t. Not sure if I’m happy or disappointed by that.

  2. Alisha says :

    I skip one episode, and the entire glee club goes up in flames? Oh well, I could catch it online but I will probably watch some old episodes of 30 rock instead. I love the one where she’s dating carol and they go to “nags head” together. you should go back and review all the old episodes. I could kill an entire weekend reading them. you do take requests right? hahaha totally kidding.

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