Once Upon a Time Season 3 Episode 14 – TV Review

OUaT Rapunzel hair Charming David The Tower


It’s a David episode.

And a filler episode.

Why must these terrible powers meet?

TL;DR Flashback David helps Rapunzel conquer her fears; Present David conquers his own fears; Emma and the gang are on the trail of the Wicked Witch and Rumple; Zelena (Zalina?) keeps her nefarious plans in motion.

Seriously, is it Zelena or Zalina? Help me.

The flashback takes us to 3 months into the return to the Enchanted Forest. Snow’s just told David she’s pregnant, and he fears he’ll fail this new child just like he failed Emma. To quell this fear, he follows Robin’s tale of a root that can eliminate fears. He stumbles upon Rapunzel’s tower (the episode is titled “The Tower”) in the woods where the root is, and finds out she is besieged by an evil witch. Which turns out to be a manifestation of her fears, which is what the root does: it personifies your fears so you can defeat them. She does, and David returns her to her parents. Aww. In present day Storybrooke, Zelena pinches some of that root from Gold’s safe and slips it to David. He stabs his doppelganger, then Zelena spirits away the broken blade he used to take as a symbol of his courage (it’s powerful or something). Meanwhile, Emma and Hook find Zelena’s farm house hideaway. They bring in Regina and David to investigate the storm cellar, but are too late to catch Rumple.

Zelena also has some exceptional sexual tension with Rumple, so I suppose we can rule him out as her father. Maybe.

So yeah, it’s a David episode. And a filler episode.

Do you need anymore reason to hate it?

Why I hate this episode:

There are only 2 relevant plot points. 1) The gang finding evidence of Rumple in the storm cellar, proving he’s alive. This only happens in the final seconds of the episode. And 2) Zelena getting a symbol of David’s courage by way of the broken sword he uses to defeat his Night Root ghoul. The entire episode exists solely so Zelena can get a sword hilt. Talk about taking the long way.

Rapunzel is a fucking idiot. She screams for help when she sees David in the forest below. He climbs up into her tower, but once he’s there, she’s like “Nah. I’m not going. You can’t help me. It’s dangerous. You should go. Go on, scat.” What the fuck do you want, bitch?

If I had an evil doppelganger of myself, I’m pretty sure I’d make it out with it at least once before killing it. Wasteful, guys.

Hook and Emma indulge in some UST, but still can’t get there for even a peck on the cheek. Hurry up.

Emma makes Regina babysit Henry while she, Hook, and David search for the Wicked Witch. Fuck, Emma. That’s cold.

Why is most of Storybrooke chilly, while Zelena’s farm house is absolutely blanketed in snow? I live in Australia, so winter for us is, like, you have to wear a t-shirt instead of a singlet, but that seems strange to me.

Rapunzel doesn’t give a good reason for why she grew her hair ridiculously long.

When Flashback David confesses his fears to Snow, she’s like “We’re in this together, boo.” Obviously. Has David really not figured that out yet?

Oh, and Emma appears in Flashback David’s stress dream wearing a pimped out princess dress. After being Miss Jacket for 2 and a half seasons, it looks pretty silly.


But it’s not all bad:

Still, though. Pimped out dress.

I reckon David’s looking a bit hotter than he used to maybe. That’s something.

The best part of the episode is the scene between Rumple and Zelena. She reveals that she has the Dark One’s dagger, so she has power over him. She then sits down and gives him a shave with it (horribly impractical), explaining that she used to do the same thing for her alcoholic daddy-o. Zelena pretty much does everything but flash her vag, so I’d like to think Once Upon a Time wouldn’t be sick enough to allow Rumple to turn out to be her father. But still, the way she says that she used to do the same thing for daddy might give the incest shippers hope, yet.

In order to spike David’s tea with Night Root, Zelena has to steal it from Gold’s safe at the shop. She distracts Belle and nicks it using magic. I applaud the simplicity.

She tells Rumple that she’s after the same thing he’s spent his whole life searching for. Baelfire (who is still unaccounted for, fyi)?

Flashback David’s response to the stress dream is to go drink alone in the stables. Ain’t nothing wrong with that.

Robin is the one who tells him about the Night Root. I’d like to believe that Robin was trying to sabotage him. Any evil points he can rack up would inch him closer to being a good enough beau for Regina. And he needs a lot before he’s even gonna get close.

Oh, and Hook and Emma must have been watching The Originals. It’s not a good thing.

OUaT Hook Emma kiss almost

I’m sure they’re up to the challenge.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

11 responses to “Once Upon a Time Season 3 Episode 14 – TV Review”

  1. ihr says :

    It’s Zelena.

  2. Teylen says :

    It occur to me, that with all that hair in her room, it was kinda a dickmove from Rapunzel to not lower more of it. It would have saved Charming some “grapewine climbing” ^^:

    As much for continuitiy.
    When Rapunzels fear-thingy wents up Charming cuts her hair and hope to drop it. Then fear-thingy jumps on it. A few fighting scenes ahead he jumps out of the window with fear-thingy and grabs that hair-rope. Which magically grew back again. @.@;

    After this hair rope got as well cut, I wonder how Rapunzel got out there. She must have stashed quite a lot of hair. @.@;

    Apart from that it’s been nice to have a different version of Rapunzel. Specially as, if I remember correctly, next to fake Sir Lancelot, she’s one of the few non-white fairy-tale characters.. … … well apart from Rapunzel and the Wicked Witch of the West.

    Who’s remark that they could be spotted as evil cause they got a different skin tone came across as just a little bit political incorrect. ^^;;;

    And as Hannibals last episode been a bit bout baiting victims,.. it’s not as subtle to let a giant spinning wheel and some gold remain in the cell. Probably she just figured that any subtly might be wasted on our heroes/heroines. ^^
    (Shouldn’t Regina know about Nightshade? The description been pretty clear to an experienced Queen of evil,… I guessed)

  3. Teylen says :

    Plus my favorite quote from the episode been from Emma: “A farm house, you have to appreciate the irony” Yes, you do ^_^

    And just a random thought.
    If the cellar is locked from the outside,.. wouldn’t it be rather safe to snuff around in it? If there’s any monster inside it might have had a tough time locking itself in like that. @.@;

  4. manuela1986 says :

    aye, its Zelena, which literaly means Green (female form of the adjective) in my language. Fun fact for me, wonder how they came up with it 🙂
    btw love this blog of your, at least the OUAT section 😀

    • ijusthateeverything says :

      Zelena certainly is much more senisble than Elphaba (which is the sound of the initials of Oz’s author, L Frank Baum. L = el, F = pha, B = ba).

      And despite her wickedness, I think Zelena is actually very pretty sounding. I just hope no expectant mothers watch OUaT and are like “now there’s a baby name.”

      There’s going to be a whole generation of Katniss Everdeens who are already shouldering that pain.

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