The Vampire Diaries Season 5 Episode 16 – TV Review

TVD Stefan Travellers Sloane linking spell

Given Stefan’s penchant for self-flagellation, I’m not surprised that he’s into it.

For a bunch of witch characters on The Vampire Diaries, the Travellers are strangely not-dead.

I assume a heart-ripping fiesta is mere episodes away.

TL;DR Elena goes crazy due to being a cannibal; Stefan and Caroline procure her (and Damon) an antidote; Damon struggles pointlessly with telling Elena about killing Aaron; Liv (Letha; blonde witch) is actually totally hip with magic and she and her gay brother are conspiring against everyone.

Dare we say it? A gay? In Mystic Falls?

Well, Elena’s back in the driver’s seat. Stefan has had Liv place a barrier spell to keep her in her dorm while he tries to figure out what to do (everyone else is away on Spring Break, fyi). Caroline, following Enzo’s info, brings Stefan to Sloane and the Travellers. They exchange antidotes for Elena and Damon for Stefan’s help in finding yet another of his doppelganger line (something something we need it for undisclosed magical reasons). Caroline and Enzo go off to assassinate said doppelganger at the Travellers’ command, but at least Damon and Elena are cured. That’s a good thing, right? Meanwhile, Damon spends most of the episode trying to avoid telling Elena about killing Aaron. Elena spends most of the episode hallucinating about Aaron and assuming she killed him. Once cured, they decide that their relationship is too toxic to go on. Then they have sex. And Bonnie is tutoring Liv. But uh oh, Liv is actually competent and she and her brother Luke are up to something.

Without any details, I’m going to instantly expect it to be Katherine’s resurrection. It will keep me sane.

So yeah, Katherine’s gone again. Everything is awful. Life isn’t worth living. Cherish nothing. You know the deal.

And even better, Elena’s back. And in true, hypocritical, selfish form. What a treat.

 

Why I hate this episode:

She spends half the episode crying about how she thinks she’s killed Aaron. Yeah, like you really give a fuck. Hell, I liked him for the Melrose Place (2009) memories, but I won’t miss him. Are we expected to believe that bloody Aaron is one of the most important things on her mind after this ordeal?

Predictably, her reaction to finding out Damon killed him goes from “nothing,” to “I’ll have sex with Damon now regardless.” She’s a good friend.

The other half of Elena’s screentime is spent  utterly failing at resisting the urges of vampire cannibalism. She goes so far as to throw a stake through Liv’s gut to force her to remove the barrier. Elena Gilbert: protagonist.

Caroline is concerned Sloane’s spell to find the doppelganger will mind fuck Stefan, so she makes a deal with her: stop the spell at an appropriate point, and Caroline will go and murder the doppelganger. Unless this is a prelude to Caroline trying to find a way not to kill a dude, that’s pretty fuckin’ ridiculous. And is yet another example in the “TVD characters don’t give a shit about the sanctity of life unless it affects them” book. Which is getting pretty full, you know.

Of course there’s another doppelganger. Can TVD not afford to hire new actors?

Elena has a fantasy/hallucination after reading Katherine’s diary account of her attempt to seduce Stefan. She imagines it as a tawdry, daytime soap opera style affair. Then before it even gets to the good bit, she cock blocks herself by inserting herself into the fantasy and bitching about how “It’s me, not Katherine. Why didn’t you notice?” Worse, she even brings Damon into it. To really ruin the vibe.

She actually plays the “you should have realised” card frequently this episode. Oh, shut up. I like to believe that everyone did know, but they just didn’t want to get Elena back for as long as they could plausibly deny things.

Elena doesn’t even have to spend an entire episode as a cannibal. What conflict?

Matt falls for Damon’s obvious trap of giving Matt the phone to bring him within attacking range. Really?

Oh, and Bonnie is super jealous of Liv’s ability to use magic, and is a condescending cunt for a teacher. No shocks there.

 

But it’s not all bad:

Liv and Luke’s plans seem to have something to do with Bonnie. Would it be too much to ask for a little torture? Or a lot of torture?

Elena and Damon’s cannibalism cure may have been too prompt and too easy, but all we needed was more anguish over blood cravings. We got rid of those seasons ago. I want them to stay gone.

Elena has her hallucinations because the werewolf venom in her strain of the cannibalism virus was slowly killing her. Oh, so close.

Elena can’t use her phone because Katherine changed the password. I love it.

The best lines of the episode actually come from Elena, but in reference to Katherine. My favourite is the ultimate exercise in divine simplicity: “She won. Katherine won.” Katherine always wins, bitches.

Second best line goes to this other Elena realisation: “I hate myself. Because I was dumb enough to sit next to her while she was dying.” Elena admitting she’s dumb and she hates herself? Is it Christmas?

Enzo mildly flirts with Caroline. He says Damon told him that she has a thing for accents.

Damon also dishes the goss about Caroline and Klaus’ sex to Elena.

Sloane says the blood she and the Travellers collected from Elena and Stefan won’t be worth anything until they’re the only surviving doppelgangers, which is why she wants to find and kill Stefan’s other one. He’s a paramedic in Atlanta, if you’re taking notes.

When Caroline wakes up Stefan post-Traveller spell to see if he has any memory loss, he recognises her as Rebekah. As a joke. I thought it was funny.

Oh, and Whitmore College is only a few hours away from Mystic Falls. I think we can claim this victory. We finally have one, people. A gay in Mystic Falls. We don’t need to cling to Josh from The Originals anymore. Thank God.

TVD Luke crotch shot gay

True Blood would have given us an actual crotch shot.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

7 responses to “The Vampire Diaries Season 5 Episode 16 – TV Review”

  1. Alisha says :

    “I like to believe that everyone did know, but they just didn’t want to get Elena back for as long as they could plausibly deny things”
    She is lucky they bothered to figure it out when they did.
    I loved her line during her super sexy hallucination “That’s what I love about you Stefan, always a gentleman”
    but I like to think she meant “homosexual.”

  2. Lydia says :

    I’m pretty sure Caroline and Enzo will hook up. Because as he said. She has a thing for bad boys with accents. XD I would not be apposed to that. Also, I’m glad it looks like he might stick around, because he’s kind of cool. (And attractive.)

    I guess TVD has been reading your blog, because it seems we do have a gay person in Mystic Falls! (Sort of.) Except he’s a bad guy, so he probably wont last long.

    I really didn’t like this episode. Too much Elena crying over stupid shit. I miss Kathrine already. 😦 Bitch got stuff DONE.

    On top of that, I feel like this season has been just all over the place, like they don’t know what direction to go in, so they just try to take all of them. Each previous season kind of had a single plot to follow, with some sub-plots related to the main plot. But this round we’ve had Silas, then Qetsiyah, then the Augustine stuff, then Kathrine, then the “ripper gene” briefly, and now travellers. Just pick a problem and stick with it!

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