Revenge Season 3 Episode 15 – TV Review

Revenge Patrick shirtless

But the only things I can do on Photoshop are adjust the contrast and use that stupid neon glow filter.

I wish Jack could replace his mummy issues with shirtless boxing.

And Patrick could replace his mummy issues with even more shirtless boxing.

TL;DR Patrick leaves for Tuscany; Aiden helps Emily conquer her blackouts; Conrad plans to meet Margot’s dad for some reason; Daniel is onto Emily and Aiden; Stevie and Jack start building a relationship.

Anyone who is so effective at antagonising Victoria Grayson sounds like a pretty cool mum to me.

The major plot sees Emily taken to the brink by her blackouts. She decides she’s just gonna straight-up murder the Graysons before her plans unravel any further. Nolan calls in Aiden to help, which he does by abducting Emily and torturing her into finding out the cause for her scarred psyche: she’s angry at herself for becoming a Grayson, which is something a young Emily loathed. Meanwhile, Patrick spirals into destructive behaviour due to the turmoil surrounding the circumstances of his conception and how he, like, killed Jimmy and stuff. Victoria and Nolan work together to have some Italian painter whisk him off to Tuscany on an apprenticeship. Meanwhile, Conrad’s plan to lure Pascal (Margot’s dad) to the Hamptons is going well. We don’t know what for, yet, but if it’s Conrad, you know it’s gonna be good. Meanwhile, Daniel hires a PI to tail Emily, and he has some happy snaps of her kissing Aiden. And after some initial hesitation, Jack decides to give Stevie a chance.

Emily also sets her sights on Stevie because she finds out she tried to help out her father when he was in prison. Because nothing in Emily’s life is simple, baby.

Yes, there’s a greasy layer of mama drama this episode. And having just bitched out Once Upon a Time for leaning on that one, it’d be hypocritical of me to give Revenge a free pass for it.

Welcome to I Just Hate Everything.

 

Why I hate this episode:

I’ll let Stevie ride, but I will take a quick swipe at Victoria’s endlessly atrocious martyr act. She even makes the, sob, ultimate sacrifice by arranging for Patrick to leave the country for his own good. Oh, shut the fuck up and fuck the fuck off, Victoria. You’re not impressing anyone. Get your goddamn balls back, bitch.

Also, only in Revenge would sending your illegitimate son to a prestigous art apprenticeship in Tuscany be, like, a thing.

The “cure” for Emily’s blackouts is all too easy and all too dissatisfying. Aiden just dunks her head in ice water a couple of times, and then Emily remembers something from the night before David was arrested: she walked in on he and Victoria having sex, and as she didn’t trust Victoria, she bitched at David that she never ever wanted to be a Grayson (I guess she assumed that if David and Victoria got married, that’s how things would go). Because she married Daniel and is now a Grayson, her mind was trying to fuck her over or something. Whatever.

Daniel’s PI has photos of Emily and Aiden kissing. It’s a shame he missed out on all the horrible-out-of-context torturing. That could have been very interesting for Daniel.

Patrick’s art is shit.

Patrick attends Jimmy’s wake at his local bar and announces how much of a horrible rapist he was to all of his friends and family. Yeah, smooth move, Ferguson. He gets promptly beat the fuck up. How the hell did you think they’d react?

Victoria and Stevie’s fighting devolves into some lame lawsuit involving whether Grayson Manor should be protected as a landmark or not. Come on, girls. At least slap each other up a bit.

Victoria blames Nolan for Patrick’s spiralling behaviour because Nolan is the one who helped Patrick find him. Ho, Nolan wasn’t to know Patrick was a rape baby. Don’t give me that chain of causation crap.

Oh, and does Revenge seriously expect me to believe that Emily would actually murder the Graysons like she was planning to? And why the fuck would she go for Conrad first? He’s the only one that’s been nice to her.

 

But it’s not all bad:

As vampy as Blackout Emily was, that bitch was putting the plan in danger, so I won’t miss her. I’m quietly holding out hope that she did indeed bang Conrad, though. Pregnancy plotline!

Stevie turns out to be the dark horse plot wise. Sure, she’s all “I’m your mama, Jackie boy” and “Fuck you, Victoria.” But after learning she was a raging alcoholic back in the day, Emily deduces that a boozy lawyer who David wrote about in his diary as trying to help him is likely Stevie. She was disbarred for being too much of a party animal before she got her case going. Emily wants to know all her secrets.

Jack seems willing to accept Stevie’s explanation for abandoning him (the drinking). And Jack’s other mother figure also abandoned him when he was young, too. No wonder he has such trust issues with women.

I don’t know what exactly Conrad wants with Pascal, but good grief his plan is fantastic. He only pissed off Margot and fucked with Voulez so that she would go to the board, which includes Pascal. This will lure Pascal out to the Voulez office. Conrad has also invited Charlotte in on whatever the plan is. I can’t wait.

Stevie’s initial plan for Grayson Manor is to raze it to the ground. She changes her mind, though, and instead wants to turn it into a halfway house. You know, really defile it. You go, girl.

Best line of the episode goes to Emily, when the clarity of her new plan hits her:
Nolan: “What are you gonna do?”
Emily: “What I should have done in the first place. I’m gonna kill ’em all.”
Could we have at least let her kill Charlotte?

She chooses piano wire for Conrad. Classic.

Nolan takes some satisfaction in knowing the plan to send Patrick away has broken Victoria’s heart. Victoria counters by pointing out Nolan’s heart is hurt, too. Whatever. Take the win where you can get it, N.

Nolan kits out Emily with a new Infinity Box. It’s biometrically locked, so only Emily can open it. It’s about time.

Oh, and awkward screen grabs are great, aren’t they?

Revenge Aiden tortures Emily

Iain Holm would be proud.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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