Once Upon a Time in Wonderland Season 1 Episode 10 – TV Review

Once Wonderland Red Queen Jabberwocky

Yes.

It turns out the Red Queen has the stoicism of a ball of rice paper in a deluge.

I expected better from her.

And even if it turns out to be all part of some scheme, I can’t abide her willingly enduring such humiliation.

What happened, Red? You used to be cool.

TL;DR The Jabberwocky extracts Red’s 3 wishes with zero effort; flashbacks show how Cyrus and his brothers were cursed by a pissed off well guardian; Amara is Cyrus’ mum; Alice contributes nothing.

I thought this was an adaptation of Alice in Wonderland. Not an adaptation of Everyone Except Alice in Wonderland.

The plot keeps things rolling from last week‘s Jabberwockin’ good time. JabJab finds Lizard’s body, and she and Jafar are able to successfully seek out Red and Will. She “tortures” Red by being, like, super mean for realsies to her. Red immediately uses all 3 of her wishes, and Jafar takes Will for himself. Meanwhile, Alice and Cyrus go off to the Well of Wonders so Cyrus can appeal to Nyx, the well’s guardian, to undo the genie curse (which would render Jafar’s plans moot). She says she’ll only do it if her returns what he stole from her. Flashbacks reveal that what he and his brothers stole was some magic healing water for their mother, who was badly burned by an irate gambling victim of Cyrus’ (Cyrus was a card shark). It healed her, and once the bandages come off, we see it’s Amara (you know, Jafar’s cobra staff). Nyx shows up and punishes them by turning them into bottled genies. Present day Nyx wants the “water” returned, by which she means Amara, who Cyrus had thought was dead until now.

The lesson is: don’t steal from people who are basically Samara from The Ring (well and all).

Oh, and if you think I have a problem with Alice getting nothing to do this episode, then you’re mistaken.

No, what really bothers me this episode is how ridiculously easy it is for the Jabberwocky to bully Red’s 3 wishes out of her. She’s pretty much like “Yak yak yak Will will never love you because you’re bad and stuff on the inside. Just give up on everything yak yak.”

And Red is like “Oh, okay.”

What the fuck?

 

Why I hate this episode:

The real insult is that it took Alice 8 episodes to use up her 3 wishes. Red squanders hers in about 5 minutes. How embarrassing.

Cyrus comes off as a real piece of shit in his flashbacks. I believe that it’s intentional, so that his present day shame of his past is justified. But damn, dude. You’re a dick. First, his cheating at cards is what gets his house and mum torched. Then he defies a magical and evil looking creature to steal healing water. Then he convinces his brothers to do the same, which ends up in them all being turned into slave genies. You’re a real star, Cyrus. Keep up the good work.

Red is an idiot if she thinks her army and populace will come back to her. She asks Rabbit to help spread the good word about her. Keep dreaming, baby.

Once again, the target age group of this show baffles me. The Jabberwocky cuts out Lizard’s eyes and gives them to Jafar so he can use them to see the last image they captured. We don’t see the cutting, but we do see the bloody, juicy eye balls in Jafar’s hands. That’s nice for the kiddies.

Red knows that the Jabberwocky feeds on fear. So what does she do when ambushed by her in the woods? Do everything she can to show how fucking afraid she is. Smooth. Where’s your stiff upper lip?

At the start of her “torture,” Will suggests that Red use her first wish to send Jafar out of Wonderland. Jafar silences her before she is able to. But, like, she’s got her speech back later. Why doesn’t she do it then?

Oh, and the other Tweedle (not el decapitato) shows up to Red in her cell post-torture. He tries to rescue her, but she despondently refuses and tells him to go let Alice and Cyrus know that her plan failed. Stop being such a pussy, Red. Suck it up.

 

But it’s not all bad:

The Jabberwocky gets a lot of screentime to strut her shit this episode. And she is scandalously fabulous. Bizarre, inconsistent accent included. She does not give a fuck. I’m waiting for her to turn on Jafar.

She displays the ability to kill people just be scaring them. It’s cute.

When she attacks Red in the woods, Red magics a sword out of a twig and impales her. The Jabberwocky just shrugs it off and pulls her body through the sword until it’s out of her. She tops it off by headbutting Red to knock her out. Like a champion.

She and Jafar have excellent sexual chemistry. Looks like Red has been replaced.

For all his selfishness, I will grudgingly admit that Cyrus deserves some praise for risking everything to heal his mum. It’s a shame he had to drag his brothers along with him.

Alice’s one contribution to the episode is discovering how to solve the puzzle that leads to the Well of Wonders. There are 2 doors and a knight guarding them. He gives some gobbledy gook advice to Alice and Cyrus, which Alice eventually figures out means he can only answer questions with Yes or No, and can only lie. Once she’s got that set, it’s not hard to find which door to use. Kudos for a job well done.

Red’s first 2 wishes are for her crown and her jewels. Next to “defeating my enemies who are trying to destroy me right at this very second,” those would probably be my next priority, too. Material girls don’t quit.

The episode ends as Jafar assembles his 3 bottles and gets to work on his spell. Go on, then.

The Jabberwocky pries into Red’s memories during the “torture” and makes mention of how her step-sister was married off to a prince, and that was the life Red always wanted. Is Red one of the evil step-sisters from Cinderella?

Oh, and speaking of Cyrus’ mum and brothers, Once Upon a Time in Wonderland might want to have a chat with their casting agent. The silly billy.

Once Wonderland Amara sons

Well, to be fair, Cyrus is 8 years younger than her. Which is still weird. But one is 3 years older. So hah.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

6 responses to “Once Upon a Time in Wonderland Season 1 Episode 10 – TV Review”

  1. Manon says :

    I’m actually convinced that Amara wanted to get her three sons back and made a spell to achieve that, so she lied to Jafar about “destroying the laws of magic”, and he is about to free all of them.

    And yes, there was a step sister named Anastasia in Cinderella… but she was not as fabulous as Red…

  2. Teylen says :

    For Red torture,.. I just imagine that cut forward like a week or so. Where JabJab could torture-talk Red into submission.

    I also did consider that it might be the production teams manner to put Red through some redemption so that indeed she’ll get an army and her throne back.

    As far as her wishes go,.. it was stupid that she didn’t wish JabJab and Jafar the hell out of wonderland,.. or in a firey pit. Plus the lamp seems to be a bit dickish. It totally fulfilled Lizards wish which wasn’t a real one, but couldn’t do a bit lip read? If a silent person finds the lamp the genie is basically f*?
    I would have wished for stuff like Jafar out, Wills heart returned (so he’d be in love again).and the kingdom returned as well (including jewelery ^^).

    Oh and I too did consider it rude to dump loyal-tweedle rescue offer. oO;
    Not getting an army if she treats people like this,..

    In general. It just occured to me that Jafar got two genies and thereby 6 wishes. Which he could have easily used to get the third bottle way faster?

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