Pretty Little Liars Season 4 Episode 23 – TV Review

PLL Spencer Dean sleeping together

No, Dean. Jason is her husbando. Incest be damned.

Hanna Fashionistard Counter:
A wedding dress can’t save you from a boring cardigan.
Our count, with only 1 episode to go, is now 11 blaspheme, 12 serene.

Sadly, Spencer and Dean don’t have sex.

But at least Veronica quickly wakes up to the fact that they probably would have.

TL;DR Jason is back (and could be A); Jessica is still shifty as fuck; Aria is a cunt to Ella; everyone wears wedding dresses, but nobody gets married.

What kind of soap opera is this? Wasteful.

Per Liars, per plot:

Spencer takes over the lead from Aria this episode. She’s still convinced that she must have attacked Alison on the night she disappeared. With Jason’s return to town, she tries to get more info on this, but all he tells her is that Jessica thought Spencer was the A who was terrorising Alison. A jaunt into the woods (that ruins her wedding dress. The horror) proves futile. And Dean gets too cozy, so Veronica fires him. She sees the slutty light.

Aria is still fuelling her bad behaviour with her Ezra tears. Ella returns from her European love holiday with Zac just in time for Aria to be a shitcunt to her about how she’s putting her own selfish happiness above the needs of herself and Mike. Won’t somebody please think of the children? Ella reveals later that Zac has proposed to her, and that shuts Aria up like the twitchy clam she is.

Emily dumps Paige because she told the police about Alison being alive.

And Hanna floats around here and there. She adds some points to her Travis ship. And after Ashley finds a bag of recently bought, Alison-appropriate clothes in the Dilaurentis house (Ashley works for her, remember?), Hanna has the Liars signed up to model dresses for an event Jessica’s hosting. They manage to successfully sniff out some contact info for Alison, and call to get in touch with her. The episode ends as the Liars meet someone (it was supposed to be Alison, but it looks like it’s not) in Philadelphia.

Still no Ezra in sight. Thank God.

PLL isn’t doing a great job with penultimate episodes, huh? We had kidnapping last year. This time it’s arbitrary wedding dresses.

The only thing keeping me from absolutely losing faith with this episode is the fact that next week’s season finale is titled “A Is For Answers.”

And it fucking better be, because I’m sick of all this shit still being up in the air.

I’m self-diagnosing myself with Pretty Little Liars Fatigue. I will begin self-medication immediately.

 

Why I hate this episode:

It may have been a tiny moment, but there’s a scene where Spencer finally gets some alone time with Jason and she asks him about that time he said he saw Cece dressed in the same outfit as Alison on the night of her disappearance. As he’s about to answer, Dean walks into the room, so Jason just leaves silently. For fuck’s sake, Spencer. Just get a goddamn answer. Dean can wait.

Speaking of Dean, he predictably gets too close to Spencer. Refreshingly for her, it looks like it’s mostly from his end. Either way, tata, dear.

The wedding show stuff is all inconsequential, SATC-esque costume porn. The only reason it exists is so the Liars have an excuse to rummage through the Dilaurentis house. And to make an awkward episode title pun (“Unbridled”). What wasted potential.

Travis goes from still pissed off about the date bomb last week to being unbelievably willing to help Hanna. He’s working as a valet at the show, and Hanna asks him to stall Jessica if he sees her. So he intentionally makes the other valet driver run over the mailbox and damage the random customer’s car so he can have a talking point. Which he doesn’t even get to use. Crack that whipped.

The episode starts with Spencer stumbling through the woods in her wedding dress, then she stops and hears the sound of a bear trap snapping. A cut to “48 hours earlier” follows. This doesn’t work for 2 reasons: 1) if Spencer had indeed stepped on a bear trap, I’m certain her face would show more than just a bit of surprise (I’m thinking something along the lines of unspeakable, searing pain). And 2) we later find out that the train of her dress simply got caught on a bear trap. Her trip through the woods yields absolutely nothing. And that is shit.

My theory about Jason being dead is definitely wrong.

Oh, and Dean reads to Spencer to help her sleep. Fucking seriously?

 

But it’s not all bad:

The highlight of the episode is the Liars successfully making contact with Alison. She calls them and warns them not to talk to Jessica at all, and arranges to meet them in Philadelphia. The Liars’ reaction to the off-screen person who does show up to meet them strongly suggests that it’s not Alison. I. Want. To. Know.

A gets a couple of points for some decent effort this episode. They manage to sew what appear to be human finger bones into Spencer’s wedding dress. And the A stinger shows them discovering Cece in a guest book at a Red Finch Inn, and A dialling the Rosewood Police Department. I’m impressed.

Jason tells Emily that he believes Wilden was the one who tried to kill him with that lift crash. Oh, Wilden. You rascal.

As Dean is saying his goodbyes to Spencer, he overhears the name of the rehab facility Jason has supposedly been at recently. He tells Spencer that it’s actually been closed down for years. The Liars believe Jason could have been helping mummy A-est with her scheming.

Paige happily admits to Emily that she doesn’t care what happens to Alison (Emily is criticising her for telling the popo about her being alive, as it might put her life in danger). A sane person does exist.

A Jason flashback reveals Jessica thought Spencer was the one sending Alison threatening messages. Spencer now believes that Jessica is trying to attack her so that Alison can return home safely. I love it.

Veronica sheds some light on an incident that Spencer can’t remember from her summer of drugs. Veronica was cleaning up a mess from a huge shitfest Spencer had thrown, and Alison ran into her in the backyard. Alison appeared to be afraid of Spencer. Maybe Jessica ain’t wrong?

Best line of the episode goes to Aria. She says it in the heat of an obnoxious, self-pitying wah-wah, but I’ll take it: “It was a huge mistake getting involved with him.” She’s talking about Ezra. I know, right.

Second best line goes to Spencer, who is unintentionally sassy when trying to put Jason at ease: “I didn’t come here to get up in your mother’s grill.” Damn, gurl. You mouthy, ho.

Ella and Byron are mad at Aria for ransacking the minibar last week. Good.

Cute Cop informs Jessica that due to recent events, the police will be exhuming Alison’s body to see if it really is her. That bitch just can’t stay buried, can she?

Oh, and Emily’s wedding dress may be better than Hanna’s, but there is one thing they have in common.

PLL Emily Hanna wedding dresses

I’d wish for it to be more frequent, but I’m not totally crazy.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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