Revenge Season 3 Episode 14 – TV Review

Revenge Niko Aiden katana

“Yes. Your shirt needs to be seductively unbuttoned at the top for this. Stop asking questions.”

Oh, Revenge, baby. You’re the only one I need.

But this better be the last time the ghosts of season 2 come out to haunt.

TL;DR Emily continues to have crazy blackouts; Patrick and Victoria kill Patrick’s rape daddy; Conrad’s ex-wife is here to play; Niko’s revenge is blocked; Voulez is becoming serious business.

Sadly, not because of its quality as a magazine.

The focal point of the plot is Emily and her increasingly frequent blackouts (fyi, she didn’t bang Conrad last episode. Damn). She is evidently a bit more honest and loose lipped, so during one of these, she calls out Stevie Grayson to help her divorce Daniel. Conscious Emily nips that in the bud, though. She continues to have episodes, which strains her relationships with Nolan and Aiden. Thankfully, she’s conscious long enough to rescue Aiden from Niko and send the bitch packing. Meanwhile, Patrick hires Jimmy as a contractor to repair the burnt down gallery. Victoria is none too happy to have her rapist around. Patrick almost feels sympathetic for him and his version of events, but when Jimmy gets grabby, Patrick kills that sucker. Victoria covers it up, natch. Meanwhile, Conrad is trying to throw his weight around at Voulez in an apparent bid to impress Margot’s dad. Margot doesn’t like it, and wants to find out why. She and Jack are getting happy together, though. Jack gets a bombshell dropped on him when Stevie reveals that she’s his mum. And Daniel doesn’t do much but skulk around and brood. He tasks Charlotte (whose birthday is this episode) to keep tabs on Conrad now that she’s going to be an intern at Voulez.

Who knew Margot’s plot lines would ever be more than tangential?

The ghost of season 2 I mentioned concerns Emily’s blackouts. Test results prove that they’re not a result of any brain injury, so Emily is now convinced that she’s starting to go nuts like her mother did.

Do not bring her up. We don’t talk about anything from season 2, Emily. We just keep Aiden and we move on.

I’m hoping that someone is secretly drugging her. Probably Daniel.


Why I hate this episode:

Blackout Emily is a crazy bitch with poor self preservation skills. She more or less tells Stevie about Aiden. And she left Takeda’s katana for Niko to find on purpose. What the fuck, Em? While Revenge is the biggest and best soap opera around, this shit is getting pretty close to the line of straw clutching garbage. Save split personalities for supernatural shows.

She’s also horny, and tries her best to have sex with Aiden. He declines, which is even more insane.

I kind of wish Stevie had been more willing to team up with Conrad against Victoria. All she does is steal the house out from under her, but then rejects any idea of being Conrad’s ally. I want Victoria to have some real opposition so she can put aside this endless sob story she’s crafting while spending all her screentime with Patrick.

Unless it evolves to be something meaningful, I’m not too enthused about the whole Voulez/Conrad/Margot’s dad situation that’s emerging. Seriously, who gives a shit about some struggling little print magazine? Like, honestly.

Daniel forgets Charlotte’s birthday, then has the self-absorption to insist it’s just him and her against the world. True to form, Charlotte falls for that shit.

Victoria seems to just accept at face value Patrick’s admission of “Oh yeah, I just burnt the gallery down because I was having a tanty. Whatevs.” That’s bad business, baby.

Jimmy never got a fair hearing. Patrick thought his reminiscing about his lost son might have been worth some sympathy. When Jimmy figures out who Victoria is, of course he’s going to be angry (his version of the story is that Victoria had consensual sex with him that night and then hid his son from him). Then Patrick death slams him. I still don’t believe Victoria about everything. Revenge appears to be pushing the fact that the rape and all that was legit, but dammit, it’s Victoria. Nothing is real.

Stevie is Jack’s mother. Don’t care.

Oh, and Niko does a pretty piss poor job of taking out Aiden and Emily. And her retreat likely means we’ll be seeing less of her. Which makes me unhappy (I love me some Stephanie Jacobsen and her flawless lips).


But it’s not all bad:

Watching Blackout Emily verbally assault Nolan (he recorded her so he could show her) is indeed magical.

Conrad manages to steal what few moments he has this episode. The highlight is his rather earnest offer to Emily to come stay at his suite any time she feels threatened by Daniel. What a sweetheart.

And considering how little I think of Voulez, his conquest of it is delightfully petty. Especially considering he told Margot that he had no interest in working there. Conrad is top bitch.

I’ll give Niko a couple of pity points for having a boring, but nasty plan to hurt Aiden. She leaves out a clue about the katana so Emily will come looking for him (he’s tied up at Takeda’s apartment). She plans to kill Emily to punish Aiden. Then, presumably, kill Aiden himself.

Too bad for Niko that Emily is a fucking machine and she stops that bitch in her tracks without breaking a sweat. Aiden has to actually stop her from delivering a finishing blow. Game over, Niko.

Emily makes sure to keep the digs not only physical when she snatches best line of the episode. Niko is grandstanding about how Takeda taught them equally. Emily has no subtlety: “But only one of us was his favourite.” Ouch, baby.

Second best line goes to Patrick, who is quietly horrified by Victoria’s successful coverup of Jimmy’s death: “What is wrong with us?” Bonus points for him deciding to fuck off outta town while trying to deal with it. Suck shit, Victoria.

Conrad and Victoria sit down to some divorce squabbling with their lawyers. Conrad brings in Stevie to point out that something something timing of her divorce from Conrad means that she still owns Grayson Manor. And she’s evicting the Graysons from it. I lol’d.

Charlotte’s birthday party comes off as an afterthought for the episode. Just like Charlotte herself.

Margot and Jack are getting a loan to move out together. Lock those abs down, M-Cat.

Oh, and it’s becoming clear that Conrad’s romantic history has some recurring themes.

Revenge Stevie Conrad Grayson

And that type is PVC.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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