Once Upon a Time Season 3 Episode 12 – TV Review

OUaT Emma Henry Diablo III

Cool mums would have something better to play than Diablo III.

Unlike it’s less-than-wonderous counterpart, I was definitely aware Once Upon a Time was coming back.

I was looking forward to seeing how long they’d wait to hit the reset button in regards to Storybrooke’s eradication.

“Less than 1 episode” was evidently the answer.

TL;DR Storybrooke is back (bitches); Emma regains her memories; none of the Enchanted Forest denizens know what the fuck is happening; the Wicked Witch of the West is our new major antagonist.

We really couldn’t have done any worse than Peter Pan. It’s a good change.

The bulk of the plot of the episode revolves around Emma’s non-magical life in New York City. She and Henry are getting on like nothing ever happened thanks to their false memories, and Emma is fielding a proposal from boyfriend Christopher Gorham (hello, Harper’s Island). Hook comes to her again and begs her to return to Storybrooke and help with the weird situation they’re facing. After some back and forth, Emma drinks his memory regaining potion, fights off her nigh-fiancĂ© (who is an evil flying monkey in disguise), and returns to Storybrooke. We also get a bunch of flashbacks to when the fairy tale gang arrived back in the Enchanted Forest a year ago. They find Regina’s castle cloaked in a protective barrier (but not the one Regina set), meet up with Robin Hood and his gang, and are briefly attacked by a flying monkey. The ending reveals that the Queen of Green herself is behind the dastardly deeds.

She tries. Wicked hard.

While I’m so fucking glad to be out of Neverland, I can’t go any further without bashing this episode for shamelessly recycling plot.

“Oh no, a curse sent all of us out of the fairy tale world and into a quaint little town in Maine!”

The only difference is that they are aware of what’s happening.

But damn, ABC. Way to wait 1.2 seconds before immediately reverting.

 

Why I hate this episode:

Similar to the original curse, everyone (except Hook, who had left the Enchanted Forest before the curse hit. I think?) can’t remember how they got here. All they remember is farewelling Emma when Storybrooke collapsed a year ago, and then turning back up in town. So they’ve all lost 1 year of memories. All hail the impending flashbacks.

Phillip and Sleeping Beauty sell out the returned gang to keep their unborn baby safe. They secretly discuss how they can’t risk “her” wrath by telling the gang about the danger. Having watched the whole episode, I assume “her” is the Wicked Witch of the West. Fucking spineless, guys.

When Snow finds out Regina’s castle has been preserved, she immediately claims it as her own. She tries to mitigate the theft of property by inviting Regina to come live with her and David in unity. Blech. Who’d want that?

Gorham couldn’t be more obviously evil if he tried. It’s bloody Henry Dunn. No fucking duh when he turns out to be a trans-dimensional flying monkey monster.

When she goes back to Storybrooke, Emma finds out Snow is pregnant. Gross.

Regina takes some time in the Enchanted Forest to try burying her heart so she doesn’t have to experience the heartache of losing Henry. Pfft. Regina’s better than that. She also has to listen to Snow’s advice to pop it back in. I don’t think Mama Blackheart should be trusted with anything, do you?

Snow also compares Regina’s loss of a child to her own loss of a child. Bitch, Regina raised Henry 1-0n-1 for 10 years. You knew baby Emma for about 2 minutes, then adult Emma for a couple of years. It’s not comparable.

Oh, and we haven’t seen Regina back in Storybrooke just yet. Don’t make me wait. I can only hope she’s still battling WWotW back in the Enchanted Forest.

 

But it’s not all bad:

Is dating a flying monkey disguised as an aging nerd a step up from dating Baelfire? Yes. Still a step down from Hook, though. And that fire is definitely still burning. Come on, Emma.

Speaking of flying monkeys, Snow and Regina get briefly attacked by one after the whole ripped heart whinge scene. Regina earns herself best line of the episode, even if it is just stating the obvious: “I don’t run from mosnters. They run from me.” Unfortunately, she follows this up by being uncharacteristically terrible at fighting it.

Robin comes along and saves the ladies. Later, Snow has some girl talk with Regina and points out how cute Robin is. Well, he and Regina are meant to be, after all.

Regina gets pissed off when she and the gang encounter the barrier around her castle. She wants to find out who stole her shit. I suspect it’s WWotW. I look forward to Regina finding out.

Baelfire wants to investigate the possibility of Rumple/Gold being at his old castle. Snow and David say it’s not worth looking. Belle, however, talks to Baelfire privately later. She points out that they didn’t see what happened to the Dark One’s dagger, and she therefore believes they will be able to track him down somehow. I hope so. OUaT isn’t the same without Robert Carlyle.

Emma has Hook arrested in the New York plot line for stalking and sexually assaulting her. Rude, but she’s got a point.

Henry is apparently on the cusp of puberty all of a sudden. When did that happen? I lol’d.

He’s also surprisingly mature about the possibility of Emma getting engaged. He must be growing up, because he’s finally being sensible about something. Praise where it’s due.

Hook decided to leave the Enchanted Forest gang because he found the peace between Snow and Regina to be too dull. Fair.

Hook only brought one dose of memory potion. I wonder how Emma’s going to explain all this insanity to Henry?

Oh, and the end of the episode has WWotW claiming she’s doing what she’s doing as revenge against Regina. It’s almost too bitchtacular to handle.

OUaT Wicked Witch of the West

Totally lime green jelly.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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