The Vampire Diaries Season 5 Episode 14 – TV Review

TVD Enzo Damon ship

When they say “friendship,” all I hear is “ship.”

It was easier to live without TVD for 3 weeks than it was to live without The Originals.

But I have sorely missed my weekly dose of Katherine.

And still no Elena in sight.

Glory be.

TL;DR Katherine unsuccessfully tries to get Damon killed/get in Stefan’s pants; Nadia’s game with Matt is over (with mixed results); Caroline and Tyler are still at odds; Damon is a pity partying (and cannibalistic) obstruction.

I’d say “martyr,” but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

The plot sees Damon and Enzo getting quarantined by Wes and his travelling band of Travellers. Wes wants to see if Damon’s friendship for Enzo will overpower his need to feed on vampire blood. Enzo calls “Elena” for help, but Katherine merely sees this as an opportunity to try and fuck Stefan/fuck over Damon. Her attemps to fish Stefan’s dick out of his pants fall through, so she instead willingly puts her life in danger in the hope that Stefan will kill Damon to save her. He doesn’t, unfortunately. Meanwhile, Wes and the Travellers fuck off, with Enzo in tow. Meanwhile, Nadia is keeping Matt sequestered while the vervain leaves his system so she can compel him. Caroline and Tyler put their bickering aside (temporarily) to find out what’s up, and Nadia ends up getting found out. And bitten by Tyler. Uh oh. The episode ends with Caroline and Stefan deducing that “Elena” is actually Katherine.


Well, the party’s over, but it was fun while it lasted, hey?

But the discovery of Katherine was always inevitable. What really bothers me is that Stefan is a goddamn soft cock and won’t get up on “Elena” when she’s fucking throwing herself at him.

Maybe Stefan will turn out to be the first gay in Mystic Falls.


Why I hate this episode:

Stefan also has the whole spiel when he’s talking to “Elena” about how earth shattering and important loving Elena was, and how he’ll never get over it and how he understands that it would destroy Damon to lose that magic blah blah blah. Poor Katherine has to sit there and take it like a bitch. And Katherine ain’t no bitch. Well, she’s a bitch, but she’s not Stefan’s bitch.

Katherine’s plan to get Damon killed is delectably nefarious, but, as she discovers, supremely flawed. She allows Damon to attack and start feeding on her, with the expectation that Stefan will stake him to stop him. Instead, Stefan did what Elena should have done with Jesse (and what I suggested) and just snapped Damon’s neck. Oops.

Katherine also makes it excruciatingly obvious that she wants Stefan to murder his brother. She kicks a fucking stake to him, ffs. No wonder he and Caroline piece it together.

Nadia’s labia lust for Matt is what brings her undone and earns her a werewolf bite on the arm. It’s pretty insulting when you can survive for hundreds of years, then some puny human white trash nobody lumps you with your death.

Enzo’s loyalty to Damon is arbitrary. It merely facilitates the lock-in crisis that Wes puts them in. Obvious.

Tyler apologises to Caroline for being a shit at her for fucking Klaus. Fuck off. He shouldn’t need to apologise to the love of his life who banged the man who killed his mum. At least he has the balls not to get back together with her. Yet.

Katherine tells Nadia to just kill Matt. She really should have.

The Travellers are apparently the new Bonnie.

Wes’ plan with Damon and Enzo is made moot by Wes himself. He and the Travellers intervene just as Damon starts chowing down. Stupid.

Oh, and come on, Katherine flaunts her naked body to Stefan, and he still resists her. Gay, baby.


But it’s not all bad:

Despite its gigantic flaw, Katherine’s plan with Damon is admirable. Knowing how dumb Elena was with Jesse, it was fair to expect Stefan would use a stake instead of a neck snap to deal with the cannibalistic vampire threat. But bitch, get real. It’s only episode 14. Save that shit for the season finale if you want to have a decent shot at it.

Even Nadia finds the plan pretty fucked up. I take that as a seal of approval.

Katherine’s apathy towards Matt’s life is refreshing. Given he’s the token human and he’s still alive, it’s nice to have someone not give a damn about his wellbeing.

Katherine wins best line of the episode when enquiring about Nadia’s progress with him: “So, how goes it with Matty Blue Eyes? Dead yet?” It’s a shame the answer was no, but Katherine can dream. As can we all.

Katherine also gets second best line when she’s sitting down to a post-scheme review with Nadia, who’s looking a bit sullen: “So, I’m in a really good mood right now. So I don’t feel like worrying about whatever is making you mopey.” That “whatever” is a werewolf bite, but I applaud her self involvement.

Despite the failures of her schemes, Katherine sees the little progress she has made as cause for satisfaction. Baby steps.

When Caroline is bitching at Nadia for not believing her and Matt’s lie about their sex road trip (a cover for what they’ve actually been doing), Nadia throws Caroline’s sex with Klaus in her face. Tyler’s there, too, which makes it a perfect burn.

Enzo and Damon’s game of turning random people into vampires so Damon can satiate his crave is viciously practical.

I don’t think I’ve mentioned it before, but Elena’s red hair streak is gone. Hallelujah.

Wes whisks Enzo away for one final task, before presumably setting him free. Intrigue.

While Nadia does get busted for compelling Matt, Caroline and Tyler don’t find out why. So she did a good-ish job.

Oh, and to her credit, Katherine’s facial expression when finding out about Nadia’s bite shows she does care. Whether that be for her daughter’s life, or her own ego, is up to you.

TVD Katherine Tyler

He must be punished.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

8 responses to “The Vampire Diaries Season 5 Episode 14 – TV Review”

  1. Lydia says :

    I was lol-ing so badly when Stefan was talking about his love for Elena. XD It was just so Twilight-y.
    And I think you might be right about him. I mean, come on. He has girl-talks with Caroline, he flat-out resisted a naked and willing Kathrine, and his hair is just a bit too perfect. XD

  2. HM says :

    Katherine should just kill everybody except Caroline. Then they both run to New Orleans, where Katherine could work it out with Klaus and then have the hottest threesome ever. While Marcel watches. Is that too much to ask for?

  3. VPD says :

    4 years later i’m watching this episode! i just can’t understand why Damon and Enzo did just stood there as Wes and those travellers locked them in that house? I mean they could have just thrown something (with their vampirish skill) and killed them all in one clean sweep!
    I don’t know why that really annoys me but i guess the plot wouldn’t have lasted longer if they did that..

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