The Vampire Diaries Season 5 Episode 12 – TV Review
And you thought I got excited when Bonnie died.
All things just keep getting better.
TL;DR Katherine has Elena eradicated permanently (I know it’s not, but let me live this); Enzo rolls back into town to play “Let’s Kill Aaron” with Damon; Tyler has a whinge fest after finding out Caroline fucked Klaus.
Just once, when Tyler arbitrarily leaves Mystic Falls, it’d be nice if he didn’t come back.
Much like last episode, this one is Katherine 24/7. In order to keep Elena’s body for good, she needs to track down her old corpse so Mia, the Traveller who’s helping with the spell, can finish her job. Katherine has to put her not-retching-at-the-thought-of-being-Elena skills to the test and find out where Damon put it. She tracks it down to the old tomb, and Mia completes the spell (not without a little resistance from an intermittently popping in Elena). Katherine now owns the body, and decides to stay in Mystic Falls and work on getting back together with Stefan. This entails breaking up with Damon, who takes it poorly. For most of the episode he’s trying to resist giving in to Enzo’s demands that he join him in slaughtering Aaron, because that would piss off Elena. But when Katherine dumps his butt, he has no qualms. Damn. Meanwhile, Tyler hears about Caroline taking a ride on the Klaus pole, and gets drunk and depressing.
Well, considering Bonnie isn’t in this episode, someone has to carry the depressing character slack.
The only thing that makes me actually sad about this episode (did you think I’d give a fuck about Tyler?) is the knowledge that there is no possible way that Elena will be gone forever.
She’s the main character.
And if I can live with faith that Katherine will likely never be gone due to Nina Dobrev being around, then I have to also resigned to the fact that Elena, too, can never disappear.
But goddamn it, I’m taking this victory now. Whatever it’s worth.
Why I hate this episode:
I suspect that the Travellers will probably fly in and rain on the parade. Katherine chooses to murder Mia instead of giving her any payment for the job. Yeah, that’s gonna come back to haunt you.
Maybe they’ll grow a new Elena out of that bucket of blood they extracted last episode? I’ve always thought of Elena as a disgusting period stain, and that’d be close enough.
Matt wears a vervain bracelet to help him avoid being compelled. Katherine demonstrates how flawed this is by simply pulling it off so she can, duh, compel him. I thought we learned the bracelet lesson with Jeremy in season 3?
Enzo’s whole thing is needlessly, well, needy. He wants Damon to be the one to kill Aaron to prove his loyalty. Who gives a shit? What Enzo really wants is to kill a Whitmore. Just do it yourself, then, you baby. Surely you can go make friends who aren’t Damon.
Similarly, Damon’s obstruction in the quest for Nadia to track down the Katherine corpse is so arbitrary. He’s merely doing it out of spite, and it wastes a lot of time. Even Stefan says he should just let Nadia have it.
Worse, his little riddle of it being where it belongs is stupidly easy to solve.
Aaron dies. Now how will I live my Melrose Place (2009) nostalgia?
Nadia straps Katherine to a motel bed at one point in case Elena’s consciousness pops in and ruins things. Elena’s consciousness does pop in and, shockingly, as she’s a vampire, is easily able to splinter apart a motel quality bed head. What the fuck, Nadia?
Elena almost buggers up Mia’s completion of the spell. My anger levels towards Elena have never been so spiked.
While I was (and still partly am) all for Caroline and Klaus getting it on, I must admit I had forgotten that Klaus totally murdered Tyler’s mum (and thousands of others). So Tyler’s rage against Caroline is justified. Way to be a dick, Caroline.
Damon makes his “take me back, you make me a better person blah blah blah” speech to Katherine (thinking she’s Elena). Ugh.
Oh, and Katherine’s grand plan is now to win Stefan back. No. Katherine shouldn’t be ruled by romance. Now that Klaus is no longer her major mission, she’s defaulting to standard TVD plot rubbish. I don’t like it.
But it’s not all bad:
On the other hand, holy shit Katherine, as far as we know right now, has finally defeated Elena and has her life and her body for good. A victory has never been so well earned.
She makes sure to have a ball while going around being Elena, too. She bumps into Caroline at Tyler’s welcome back party and Caroline wants to dish about how she banged Klaus. Katherine appears to be privately impressed. When she sees Tyler coming downstairs, and now within earshot, she makes sure to play the “gossy girl talk” game so Tyler can hear them discussing Caroline’s sex conquest with Klaus. God, she’s good.
Her breaking of Damon’s heart also felt oh so satisfying. Sure, it has the unfortunate side effect of sealing Aaron’s fate, but Katherine’s smirk as she turns to leave makes everything in this life better.
Her standout moment is definitely her compulsion of Matt at the beginning of the episode. She uses him to learn more about being Elena.
Katherine earns herself all the best lines of the episode. Naturally. The best line is when she’s asking Matt a very important question about interpersonal relationships: “Who do I like better? Bonnie or Caroline?” (then, to herself) “Please say Caroline…” O. M. F. G. I haven’t guffawed that hard in a very long time. Mostly because I make it a point not to guffaw, which is an undeniable sign of toxic sincerity. But Katherine is just too perfect to resist. And it’s endlessly validating that she shares my hatred of Bonnie.
She also trusts Matt’s opinion on Elena’s fashion sense, winning herself this burn of a second best line: “What do you think? How’s my dress? It screams safe and predictable, am I right? Or am I right?” And according to Matt, it’s not even safe and predictable enough. Oh, Elena. You’re lucky Bonnie is in this show to make you look marginally less shithouse by comparison.
Katherine gets third best line after Nadia snips at her about being late to the ritual because she was at the party: “I was pretending to care. It’s very time consuming.” I wouldn’t know anything about that.
And a final honourable mention goes to Katherine post-spell, when she’s talking to Nadia: “Cold. Manipulative. Good hair. You really are my daughter.” She’s not quite as hot, but she’ll do.
Mia is a barrel of fun while she lasts. She’s gruff, rude, and devoid of altrusim. I think she and Katherine could have really gotten along well.
Bonnie and Jeremy are away this episode. No loss there.
After Elena almost foils the spell, she flees the tomb and tries to call for help. But Katherine changed the PIN on her phone. I lol’d.
Katherine resolves to dump the stupid red streak from her hair. Thank. God.
Tyler does breakfast shots to sate his sadness. I’ve never felt more connected to him.
Stefan defends Caroline’s honour to Tyler, but he’s still kinda grossed out by her sleeping with Klaus. That’s what besties are for.
Katherine says Nadia should stay in Mystic Falls with her so they can try to build some kind of relationship. Aww.
Oh, and evil Damon seems to be back, bitches. He and Enzo even play the lying down in the road game to catch and kill Aaron. It gives me that season 1 feeling.