American Horror Story Season 3 Episode 12 – TV Review
With only 1 episode to go, who’s on the chopping block this week?
Everyone over the age of 40, apparently.
TL;DR Fiona, the Axeman, Kathy, and Angela all die (yes, even the immortals); Misty is recovered, catfights Madison (due to the obvious); the 7 Wonders test to determine the next Supreme is imminent.
Myrtle survives the adults-only bloodbath, fyi. Thank goodness.
So it’s a shared Queenie/Cordelia spotlight episode this time. We’ll go with Queenie first, who has noticed Angela is MIA. She uses some astral projection magic to confer with Papa Legba, and they find out that Kathy chopped her up into little bits and scattered her around the city. Queenie confronts Kathy, who is now hosting tours at her old home. She stabs her in the heart, which apparently kills her. Kathy ends up in a Hell designed by Papa Legba, wherein she has to watch her daughters receive the type of torture she used to dole out. The torturer? Angela, who, now that she is unable to provide Legba his baby souls, is also in Hell (she’s not fond of hurting people who haven’t wronged her). Meanwhile, Cordelia recovers her sight powers and she and Queenie go fetch Misty from her tomb. After a brief catfight with Madison, the Axeman interrupts things, having just come from axe murdering Fiona (Cordelia tipped him off of her forthcoming betrayal). The ladies murder him as a team. Now with all the Supreme candidates back at the school (Zoe and Kyle returned from their road trip), they will have to find out once and for all who will be Fiona’s successor.
Well, we’ve certainly got a lot more action going on compared to this time last season.
I’m just a little bit miffed at all the cool, older characters getting knocked off. What is a coven without Fiona? Cordelia is no substitute.
Why I hate this episode:
EDIT: I did do a bad job of listening to Papa Legba. Commenter Teylen cleared all this up, but I’m leaving my original post here for posterity. I will not discard my mistakes.
Unless I just did a really bad job of listening to Papa Legba, the rules of immortality seem to be a bit flakey. Queenie just gives Kathy a quick stab, and that’s it. Lights out. Go straight to Hell. But getting decapitated apparently ain’t no biggie.
Similarly, if getting cut up didn’t affect Kathy, why does it affect Angela? Maybe it’s because of the higher number of bits she’s cut up into, but still. Those rules seem inconsistent.
Queenie doesn’t even give Kathy a good excuse when she “kills” her. She just stabs her, Kathy’s like “But I’m immortal, doe,” and Queenie’s like “Nuh lol.” I have to have missed something, right?
Madison got destroyed in her catfight with Misty. So not cool.
The scene showing Kathy cutting Angela up is pretty blink-and-miss-it. I wanted more of that gore.
Kathy is surprised that Queenie would find her at her own house. Where the fuck else would you have gone, honey?
Oh, and Zoe and Kyle’s trip was stupidly short. Zoe found she was able to use the power of resurgence (she was saving the life of a hobo Kyle had impulsively neck-snapped), and was like “Lolz, better go back to that place where people are trying to kill me.” Dipshit. And what a waste or Myrtle’s brooch. Ungrateful dipshit.
But it’s not all bad:
The incomparable highlight of the episode is undoubtedly the catfight between Misty and Madison. Yes, Madison gets the shit kicked out of her, but a catfight’s a catfight, you know? Plus, Madison’s outfit is Hollywood trashy at its finest. Big, fuzzy coat and tiny little hotpants. And a headband. Sublime.
Queenie gets best line of the episode when it’s going on: “This is awesome!” Yes.
She also gets second best line when she explains how she knew Kathy would come back to her old home: “A dog returns to its vomit.” Meow. Or woof?
The Hell Kathy and Angela end up in is exactly what they’ve earned, so I’ll give Papa Legba points for that.
Fiona’s death is not lacking, which I’m very thankful for. She arrogantly taunts the Axeman after he exposes her ruse. Which means she doesn’t anticipate the flurry of axe swings into her back by her spurned lover. No quips. No last one liner. Just flying back chunks.
Cordelia learns of Fiona’s murderous intentions when she regains her sight. She sees a scene where every one of the witches of the school have been murdered. Bonus points for Queenie’s dead body, which has a blade stabbed into her mouth. One last fat joke to ride to Hell, hey Fiona?
Madison is the first one to sink the Axeman’s axe into him when the coven takes him down. And she looks damn good doing it, too. The rest of the gang get some kitchen knives and stab until he’s nothing but tomato paste.
Kathy is shown to feel bad for Paula Deen having to apologise for using the N word. I lol’d.
Kathy is also gloriously unrepentant when Queenie gives her a final chance to show she’s changed. She says the only reason she wept when Queenie tried to teach her about soul is because she was crying in despair for a world where the blacks are treated equally. Now that’s consistency.
Fiona gets her Supreme portait painted. And Myrtle helps. Who says mortal enemies can’t be best friends?
With the final candidates for Supreme being Zoe, Madison, Misty, and Queenie, I’d love for Madison to be the one. But I’ll place my bet on Zoe. It’s gotta be, right?
Oh, and while we only see a small portion of it, Kathy’s revenge on Angela is divine. But Angela probably wouldn’t think so.