Revenge Season 3 Episode 13 – TV Review

Sarah.

Is.

Outta here.

But she didn’t stay away too long last time, so temper your joy.

TL;DR Emily gets rid of Sarah (again); Conrad sabotages Voulez to spite Daniel; Victoria tells Patrick the horrible truth about his conception; Niko figures out Aiden killed her dad; Margot and Jack continue to be lovey dovey.

It would be unbearable if they weren’t both so beautiful.

So Daniel isn’t taking his obligation to not piss off Emily too seriously, because he’s got Sarah staying at Grayson Manor as his live-in mistress. Classy. After some petty squabbling, Emily brings out the big guns: Sarah’s mum. She effectively shames Sarah into not wanting to be a home wrecker (again), and Sarah fucks off. Daniel is mad. Emily is also having blackouts, and the one at the end of the episode leaves her waking up in Conrad’s bed, presumably post-coitus. Juicy. Meanwhile, Conrad’s little scam with Margot’s assistant last episode pays off when the revised article defames him as complicit in Lydia’s shooting of Emily. He threatens to sue Voulez unless Daniel is fired and Conrad is allowed to buy his shares. Margot agrees. Meanwhile, Margot and Jack are getting moving out serious. Meanwhile, Aiden, with Nolan’s help, tries to throw Niko off the trail of Takeda’s murder. She finds the katana, though. Uh oh. And Victoria reveals to Patrick that he’s a rape baby.

Victoria’s traumatic childhood strikes again.

While it is requisitely upsetting, I don’t really care about Victoria’s rape backstory. It’s all a bit clichéd. And unless Patrick’s shirtless or having sex with Nolan, I don’t want to see him get screentime.

It’s a melodramatic distraction from the deliciously petty games between Emily and Daniel.

 

Why I hate this episode:

Patrick should really be at a point now where he should be getting a second opinion on anything Victoria says. He just believes the whole story. Where’s your Grayson suspicion?

Sarah makes sure to crank up the trashiness before her departure. She’s evidently lost all self respect if she’s happy to prance around as Daniel’s plaything. While his feelings for her are probably genuine, the only reason she’s there is so he can piss off Emily. And Sarah lets things be that way. What a little home wrecker. Her mother was right.

She also resists her mother’s urgings to leave, which results in Sarah getting disowned. Then about 5 seconds later she wakes up to herself and goes. So now she doesn’t have Daniel or her family. Good work there, honey.

I thought the first Emily blackout thing was a fantasy sequence. I watch Revenge to feel superior, not to feel dumb. Mean.

Emily starts the episode by waking up to find her stitches have been pulled during her sleep. She has Niko cauterise the wound with a red hot poker instead of restitching them. This is supposed to make her look hardened and determined, but instead comes off as needlessly ridiculous.

Nolan has decided not to press charges against Patrick for assaulting and robbing him. Aww.

Margot and Jack are kinda rushing things. She’s pretty much agreeing to move out with him. They’ve known each other for less than 3 months, right?

Patrick tells Victoria that his adoptive dad and stepmother were negligent/abusive. Yawn.

Conrad has a little whinge at Emily for throwing Lydia under the bus. Pretty sure he already did that himself.

Dan fires the maids to antagonise Emily. Collateral damage isn’t cute, D.

Oh, and Patrick sets the gallery on fire near the end of the episode because he’s emotionally anguished. How stupid.

 

But it’s not all bad:

The Emily/Daniel stuff is divine. Open hostility is a good look for them.

As much as I despise Sarah, Daniel’s flaunting of her is pretty bitchy. I approve.

After Sarah’s left, a furious Daniel confronts Emily and attacks her. She says that because they both destroy things the other loves they’re perfect for each other. Daniel can’t contain his disgust, earning himself second best line of the episode: “Sterilising you was my gift to the universe.” I almost took a knife to my TV when he said it, but damn if it isn’t a monumental burn. Well done.

Best line of the episode goes to Conrad. After he’s won his bargain with Margot, she says she’ll be getting him set up with an office. Conrad isn’t into that: “I have no desire to punch a clock. Just my boy.”  Sadly, he doesn’t.

Nolan and Aiden’s plan to ditch Niko is pretty smooth. Nolan doctors up some shit to make it look like this Russian guy killed Takeda. The guy is in fact the one who planted the bomb in the season 2 finale which killed Declan, so Nolan is happy for Niko to go off and assassinate him. In the name of justice.

Luckily, for Niko’s sake, she finds the katana under Aiden’s bed just in time. I expect an epic sword battle between her and Aiden at some point.

Victoria has a bitch at Daniel for using Sarah to piss off Emily. She knows Emily is too dangerous, and Sarah is too soft to withstand her attacks. Yes.

Emily writes hefty compensation cheques for the maids Daniel fired. What a sweetheart.

I really hope Emily and Conrad did have sex. That would be incredible.

At the very end of the episode, Conrad’s first wife turns up in town. She’s a blonde, rich bitch if I’ve ever seen one. I can’t wait to see what she has in store for Victoria.

Oh, and upon her departure, Sarah’s mum wishes Emily good luck and apologises for the pain she’s going through. Yeah, fuck you, Sarah.

Revenge Emily Sarah

If only she did indeed cease to exist.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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