Revenge Season 3 Episode 12 – TV Review

Revenge Victoria Emily Daniel Grayson Manor

Today’s topic: seeking revenge in a modern world.

Sadly, my hopes for a near-future resolution for Revenge have been dashed.

But if it means more Stephanie Jacobsen in my life, then I suppose I can tolerate it.

TL;DR Emily is still keeping the upper hand with the Graysons; Aiden and Niko (Stephanie Jacobsen) hook up; Patrick keeps up the duplicity; Daniel goes back to Sarah again; Jack and Margot fill out the obligatory beautiful people quota.

It’s best to let Jack play to his strength.

So plotwise, Emily is still recovering from Daniel shooting the shit out of her. She ends up staying at Grayson Manor for her recovery, which is a bit awkward. Things become more awkward when Patrick steals the Infinity Box from Nolan’s place and hands it over to Victoria. Luckily, Emily and Nolan catch onto the scheme and let them pinch a fake one that merely makes her look like a money-grubbing social climber. Emily does get some bad news, though: the bullet wounds have rendered her barren. She resolves to stay around and keep on revenging, cementing her position by publicly announcing Lydia as the shooter, therefore blackmailing Victoria and Daniel into playing nice. Aiden isn’t much of a fan of the plan’s prolonging, so sulks off to Niko’s waiting mouth. Meanwhile, Daniel gets back in bed with Sarah; Voulez gets in trouble when Margot believes Jack’s ironically true advice not to publish a story about Lydia as the killer (this is before Emily’s sham press conference); Conrad also fucks around with Voulez for some reason; and Charlotte does nothing.

She, too, plays to her strength.

A quick Google leaves me without a firm answer on whether or not Revenge will be getting an exhausting 4th season, but having Emily renew her commitment to staying in the Hamptons means that they’re certainly angling for it. How disappointing.

Still, it’s another solid season 3 episode this week. The only really big bomb of the episode is Nolan being the one to get a gratuitous shirtless scene. Bitch needs to hit about 20 bottles of fake tan. Now.


Why I hate this episode:

Fucking. Daniel. He’s such a smug, superior turdburger. The scene where he gleefully lies to Sarah about how he totes didn’t shoot Emily is disgusting. I can only hope that this behaviour is signalling a metamorphosis into a Conrad-esque super villain. But Daniel is far too soft for that. He’s motivated by love, which is pretty much the lowest any human can get.

Oh, hey, so Sarah’s back in the picture. And her relationship with Daniel is more solid than ever. She has the gall to call Emily a “psycho.” Cunt, you’re the one who’s going back to a man who almost left you paraplegic and let his devil parents insufficiently pay you off.

She also says that her “suicide attempt” was her just getting too shitfaced and passing out in a bath. Her roommate overreacted. She can’t even be a depressing period stain very well. What is she good for?

I felt bad that Jack tried to do the right thing by telling Margot not to run the “Lydia did it” article (which had been pushed by Daniel. Obv), then it fucked her over and she got mad at him. Rude, Emily.

Niko turns out to be Takeda’s daughter, and her subplot seems to be her quest to find out how he really died (Aiden killed him, if you needed a refresher). I don’t really care about that, you know?

And now that she’s hooking up with Aiden, I’ve got my wangst umbrella primed. Blech.

Oh, and Patrick has a whinge at Victoria because she lied to him about Lydia being the shooter. I don’t really care about that, either. At least the scene has a nice bitch slap.


But it’s not all bad:

Jack chooses an old fashioned punch to the face when communicating to Daniel that he better leave Sarah alone. It doesn’t work as a deterrent, but the effort was appreciated. And Jack wears a tight shirt in that scene.

Violence is the flavour of the episode, apparently, because Patrick knocks Nolan out by hitting him over the back of the head with a chunk of wood when he’s stealing the Inifinity Box. If it works, baby.

The element of the episode that works the best, despite also being the seed of doubt, is that Emily gets over her failure to get her revenge back on track. And the fact that at least some of her scheming is out in the open to the Graysons means the eye scratching and hair pulling should only escalate. Delightful.

There’s no best line this episode, but Niko punching Emily in her wounded, barren gut as a way to motivate her is pretty brilliant. She’s disgusted that the woman who her father spoke so highly of, and who commanded so much of his attention (which was detrimental to the amount of attention Niko got), could be defeated. I approve.

Emily breaks up with Aiden when they clash over staying in the Hamptons. Could it be Jack’s time to shine?

Nolan pretends to be drunk when it becomes clear Patrick is trying to get him drunk. He switches his martini out for water. Patrick discovers the ruse when he sensually licks what he thinks is spilled booze off Nolan’s arm. The moment combines my 2 favourite things: alcoholism and homoerotica. So it’s some pretty hot shit.

Niko is the one who suggests Emily go to Grayson Manor for recovery, which she hides and attributes it as Victoria’s idea. Considering she’s keen on getting revenge on her father’s real killer, maybe she suspects it’s Emily?

Jack delivers Emily a walkie talkie inside a stuffed animal by way of Carl. So Emily can communicate with Nolan and foil the Infinity Box heist. Cute.

Victoria’s misplaced smugness when showing off the fake Infinity Box’s contents to Emily is beyond satisfying.

Margot forgives Jack’s poor advice with the Voulez article. Aww.

Conrad buys off and stalls Margot’s assistant before she can take Margot’s already-late issue (she held it back because of Jack, remember?) to print. I wonder why?

Daniel bitches about Emily’s blackmail to stay in the Grayson family. Victoria tells him to suck it up. Nice.

Oh, and as a consolation to myself, I like to view Daniel and Sarah’s relationship simply as proof of how irredeemably pathetic they both are. So there.

Revenge Daniel Sarah

“The risk of pregnancy turns me on.”

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

4 responses to “Revenge Season 3 Episode 12 – TV Review”

  1. Emily says :

    That ending scene just made me wet.

  2. Emily says :

    I kind of hope the media finds out about his affair and slut shames him and that thing, that would be funny I think.

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  1. Revenge Season 3 Episode 13 – TV Review | I Just Hate Everything - January 20, 2014

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