Revenge Season 3 Episode 10 – TV Review

Revenge Emily wedding dress yacht champagne

“Nothing fucked up. Stop watching now. It’s all fine.”

Once again, Revenge tops Once Upon a Time with a final.

And it’s only a mid-season final.

Last season, I couldn’t have imagined a world where Revenge was my one true love, but now I couldn’t imagine a world without it.

Have my standards really lowered that much? No. It’s the world that’s crazy, not me.

TL;DR Emily’s plan fucks up spectacularly, and she might be dead; Daniel is the shooter; Conrad officially shacks up with Lydia; Victoria is mostly ineffectual; Sarah takes my advice and fucks off and (almost) dies.

Trust Sarah to not even get her suicide right. Useless.

So it’s the wedding day. Emily ropes in Conrad into roping in Patrick so they can rope in Victoria to come to the wedding, getting the plan firmly back on track. The wedding goes as planned, but Daniel gets a bit drunk. Once the gang is on the yacht, however, almost every single element of Emily’s plan is a glorious failure. This culminates in Victoria, having been shown the incriminating NYE photo by Lydia, accusing Emily of being a duplicitous ho. Aiden chloroforms her and is desperate attempt to salvage the plan, but a drunk-ass Daniel heard it all and angrily picks up the gun, shooting Emily twice and sending her overboard. Aiden and Jack find only her bloody wedding dress as it washes up at the rendezvous point on the beach. During all this, Lydia and Conrad have admitted they love each other; Sarah attempts suicide, which is another thing Daniel is pissy about; Patrick and Nolan get back together, both out of love and out of scheming on Nolan’s part; Margot’s intentions towards Conrad are still oddly suspicious; and Jack contributes nothing.

He does rebuff Sarah’s sex proposition, though, which closely precedes her suicide attempt. Jack needs to work harder if he wants that body count to start racking up.

I never thought the unravelling of Emily’s plan would satisfy me so much, but Jesus fucking Christ, it’s great. Even though I’m still hoping for Emily to win the whole time, watching every single element of the plan evaporate in front of Emily’s and Aiden’s eyes is too good to resent.

True beauty.


Why I hate this episode:

If you think about the shooting for more than a second, though, you have to realise that there is no way Emily could actually be dead. She’s the main character, and the show is named after her plot. She will survive 100%. So the tension kinda isn’t there. The season 1 shooting mystery was more palpable, because Daniel could have feasibly died. But Emily is gonna stick around. It’s law.

Jack, as I said, is a poor contributor to the episode. He only has a couple of scenes. The big one is when Emily comes to say goodbye to him. She takes the opportunity to tell him that she was with Amanda when she died, which only makes him all whingey and sooky. And he’s not even shirtless during it, so there is no saving grace.

Nolan’s subplot ends with some arbitrary bad luck. He’s gotten Patrick back to his place (both because he loves him or whatever, and because Emily needed to keep him off the yacht) and he’s like “Put on some music, here’s a drawer of remote controls,” then leaves the room. Patrick picks up one and presses a button, which reveals Nolan’s wall safe. Good work, Nolan.

Sarah still makes a point of hanging around. She and Jack have a tense moment at the Voulez office earlier in the episode because she’s a nosy bitch. Then she’s hanging around at Jack’s because she’s a pathetic bitch. Then she almost kills herself because she’s a suicidal bitch. I mean, she can’t be that surprised that Jack knocked her back? He’s out of your league. Bitch.

Emily’s wedding dress isn’t even close to being as fabulous as the one she had for the photoshoot last episode. What was she thinking?

I’m still a bit not okay with Emily ending up with Aiden. He’s season 2 scum. It’s gotta be Jack, Nolan or Daniel. And I’m fairly sure it won’t be Nolan.

How did nobody on the yacht hear the gunshots? I think Revenge tries to play it off by having the characters watching a home movie montage that includes fireworks, but that’s not good enough.

Oh, and I’m gonna have to eat some of my enthusiasm about Lydia’s return. She is basically responsible for Emily’s plan going awry. She follows Victoria to the bathroom (Victoria was supposed to be alone) and shows her the photo, which is why Victoria confronts Emily. Know your place, Lydia. Goodness.


But it’s not all bad:

But hey, that derailed plan sure is beautiful. Here’s what was supposed to happen:

  • Everyone who was supposed to be on the yacht would be there.
  • Emily would spill a drink on Victoria, sending her off to the bathroom.
  • Aiden would lock Victoria in the bathroom, thus leaving her alone during the time of the “murder,” so without an alibi.
  • Emily would spill some pre-extracted blood of hers on the deck, then fire 2 shots into the air.
  • She’d then jump overboard and swim to the rendezvous.
  • The ultimate goal is to have Victoria roll over on Conrad during the police questioning, telling them the truth about the David Clarke thing so she can save herself.

Here’s what actually happened:

  • Lydia barged her way onto the yacht.
  • Lydia joined Victoria in the bathroom, thus fucking up the no-alibi element: Lydia is Victoria’s alibi.
  • Having seen the photo, Victoria confronts Emily on deck. They snipe at each other, leading to Emily revealing she’s not pregnant (cheers!).
  • Victoria, in defiance, throws the gunpowder residue bracelet overboard.
  • Aiden tries to keep up by chloroforming Victoria, hopefully allowing Emily to complete the final steps of the plan.
  • Drunk Daniel comes in at exactly the wrong time. Angry and hurt, he picks up the gun and shoots Emily for real real (not for play play).

Sublime dysfunction.

Emily and Nolan seeing the (as far as they know at the time) completion of the plan is heartwarming. He cuts in after she and Daniel have their first dance. He kisses her on the cheek as his goodbye. The Dream Team forever.

Lydia is competent at 2 things: banging Conrad, and being an epic fucker upper of Emily’s scheme. I both thank and despise her.

The scene where she and Conrad admit they love each other was kind of sweet. Conrad says they should shake some shit up in the Hamptons. Go on.

Conrad seems to also genuinely care about Emily and the wedding. I loved evil, Initiative wannabe Conrad. But kind devil Conrad is also cute.

Lydia gets best line when showing off the photo to Emily: “Looks just like you. But with a billion fewer dollars.” You can take rich out of the girl, but never the bitch.

Charlotte’s cutout dress looks good.

Victoria’s dress is stunning. Naturally.

The cake looks fucking incredible. Sarah finally does something right.

I don’t care how wrong I am (I’m fairly sure I’m wrong), but Margot has something more going on with her pursuit of Conrad. Until absolutely proven otherwise, I’m hanging onto it. Her prickly animosity towards him is more than just general disgust. There’s got to be something more.

This would be the second time that Daniel thinks he’s killed someone and plays cool. Maybe he could be the most dangerous Grayson?

Emily and Victoria’s bitching at each other on the yacht is the most honest we’ve seen them. And it is gorgeous.

Victoria isn’t seen again after Aiden chloroforms her. I wonder where he put her?

Oh, and seriously, Nolan and Emily look so good together. Patrick be damned.

Revenge wedding Emily Nolan dance

“But the abs, Emily. The abs.”

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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