Once Upon a Time in Wonderland Season 1 Episode 8 – TV Review

Once Wonderland Alice Cyrus bleeding dying

I wished it for us all.

Alice doesn’t die, so settle down.

Maybe one day, but not today.

TL;DR Cyrus and Alice reunite just in time for shit to get fucked up; Jafar and Red turn on each other; Rabbit gets out from under Red’s thumb; flashback Alice and Cyrus have arbitrary struggles.

The kind that are solved by getting an invisible house. Those princesses.

The major action is all abut that reunion, baby. Alice and Will realise that Cyrus must have escaped, so set off for a rendezvous point that Cyrus and Alice agreed upon a long time ago. Along the way, they stop off at Rabbit’s house to get him back on their team (because, you know, he was selling them out to Red). It turns out Red has been holding his wife and 2 kids hostage. Will frees them from Red’s secret caravan, and they head for the rendezvous. Meanwhile, Red captures Cyrus. This coincides with the betrayal of one of the Tweedles, who has given the bottle to Jafar. Or so he thought. Red has the actual bottle, and she has Cyrus, and they, too, head for the rendezvous point. Once everyone’s met up, Will and Alice bitch at Red for being, well, a bitch. But they ain’t got time for that, because Jafar has sent a murderous storm cloud after them (he wasn’t too happy about receiving a decoy bottle). Alice takes too long to come around to the idea of Red trying to be helpful (she was warning them about the storm and said they should GTFO), and when the lightning strikes, Red desperately deflects it, but accidentally hits Will. Due to that wish connection, Alice starts dying, too. Will, having earned the final wish, wishes for Alice’s suffering to end. Which saves their lives, and frees Cyrus from being a genie, but has the side effect of making Will the genie and trapping him in the bottle. And the flashback plot concerns Cyrus trying to save Alice’s life after they got into a fight with some mercenaries. Rabbit’s wife heals her, and Cyrus trades a keepsake of his mother’s to Caterpillar for that invisible house.

It’s not a bad deal, really.

Much like Katherine’s pussification, Red’s “Whatever I said, whatever I did, I didn’t mean it. I just want you back for good” thing with Will at the end is pathetic. Where are all the strong, independent women?

The most frustrating part is how Alice and Will flat out refuse to listen to anything Red has to say. Despite the encroaching murder storm. And Cyrus right there, stating multiple times that she’s telling the truth.

I thought you loved him, Alice? What is love without trust?

 

Why I hate this episode:

Alice is a bratty bitch, is what I’m saying (translation: a character I don’t like conflicted with a character I do like. So I am taking the character I do like’s side. That’s how I operate).

Also, really guys, now is not the fucking time to be arguing like this. Escape the murder storm, then you can bitch at each other. Gosh.

The wish that Will uses is very badly done. Cyrus specifically tells Will to be careful how he words his wish. So what does Will wish for? He wishes to “end Alice’s suffering.” If that doesn’t sound like a thinly-veiled reference to euthanasia, I don’t know what does.

You know what wish would have made much more sense? If Will had just wished for himself to get better and live. They’d just been talking about how Alice’s health is linked to his. Then again, Will ignored the “be careful what you wish for” line, so I shouldn’t be surprised if he wasn’t actually paying attention to any part of the conversation.

Red’s secret caravan hideout is poorly guarded. In that it’s completely unguarded. Tsk.

A major element of the flashback plot is Cyrus considering if he should break up with Alice because being with him is too dangerous. Ugh, I’ve gotten enough of that from this week’s TVD. At least Damon and Elena’s break up might actually happen. There’s no way I’d expect Once Upon a Time in Wonderland to follow through with it. And they don’t.

Jafar (I think?) burns Red’s castle down. Rude.

Oh, and everything Red has done with Jafar etc was in pursuit of getting Will back. Puke. Get an ambition that isn’t shit, honey.

 

But it’s not all bad:

However, the plan does involve allowing Jafar to change the laws of magic so she can turn back time and undo her selfishness so they can stay together. If your motivation is gonna be “for love,” then you might as well make it epic.

Red steals the show (like that’s a surprise anymore) when she’s desperately trying to get Alice and Will to listen to her. I can suffer a bit of villain decay if they’re as endearing and powerful as this.

Cyrus and Red make the most delicious duo on their travel. She goes to pick him up herself from a trap she’d set, and is pretty much like “Let’s go for a ride, chum.” They travel by carriage to the rendezvous, having a bit of a bicker back and forth. She wants him to stop talking, he wants her to reveal the truth within her heart, which he can sense. They’re the odd couple!

Red takes best line when Cyrus asks her what her innermost wish is: “I wish for you to shut up.” Simple. To the point.

Jafar gets second best line when his storm cloud locates the gang. He puts Red’s best lingo to use: “There you are. Darling.” Mmm, gurl.

Red decapitates the Tweedle who betrayed her and leaves his head in a box for Jafar to find. And the head is still alive. Nice to see Once Upon a Time in Wonderland taking some cues from American Horror Story.

Alice gets hurt and almost dies during the flashback. It’s something.

Cyrus tells her about how he wasn’t always a genie. The compass that he trades to Caterpillar was a gift from his human mother. It can help you find anything you’ve lost, which is why Caterpillar was so interested in it.

Whoopi Goldberg voices Rabbit’s wife. After 666 Park Avenue, I’m a bit worried about ABC just chucking Whoopi into whatever space they need filled. Buy hey, it’s not her first time in Wonderland.

Oh, and Alice and Red almost get into a cat fight. Maybe next time they’ll really get there.

Once Wonderland Alice Red mean girls

“Bitch, I’m not the one wearing pink on a motherfucking Thursday.”

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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