Once Upon a Time in Wonderland Season 1 Episode 7 – TV Review
I’m so late posting this episode, that I actually got around to posting the Once Upon a Time episode that aired days afterwards before this.
Sometimes I think I might be in danger of having a life.
But then I remember that I still watch Revenge, and I’m brought back down to Earth.
TL;DR Jafar impersonates Alice’s dad to mess with her; he ends up threatening him to force her into using a wish; Cyrus is alive; flashback, pre-Amara Jafar tries to get his own daddy, the Sultan, to take him in.
If by “take him in” he was looking for “almost get murdered by,” then he succeeded.
The Wonderland plot has Will and Alice getting closer to Jafar’s floating island castle dungeon. Jafar, having captured dear old Daddy from Victorian England, takes his form and infiltrates the merry duo. After achieving not much, Alice figures out his shit and she and Will leg it. Jafar drops the pretense and simply threatens to kill Daddy in order to force a wish from Alice. He is successful, and Alice wishes Daddy home before he dies from a long fall. Alice isn’t very good at this, is she? Meanwhile, Red’s plan to capture the escaped Cyrus out from under Jafar is no longer a secret, but neither her nor Jafar have found him yet (he’s alive, fyi). And flashing back to Jafar’s youth in Agrabah shows his mother passing away and him finding out his dad is the Sultan (Jafar’s Wonderland prisoner is the Sultan, too, btw. I was right. Not that it was hard). The Sultan doesn’t want much to do with him as he already has a son, but lets Jafar be a servant with no rights. After Mirza, the Sultan’s son, takes a disliking to Jafar and Jafar embarrasses his dad, the Sultan drowns and expels Jafar.
Jafar survives. Obviously.
This episode really hit me with how little actually happens. The entire Wonderland plot is only a time waste until Alice uses her wish. Jafar in disguise achieves basically nothing. Why didn’t Jafar just rock up with Daddy straight away, hold a gun to his head, and get her to use the wish? He would have saved everyone 40 minutes.
The flashback stuff is where the real progress is. And it does save the episode. Barely.
Why I hate this episode:
Red is only in, like, 1 scene. Which is unforgivable. Even by my hyperbolic standards.
The Sultan, to my surprise, is kind of an enormous bastard. He is a total cunt to Jafar, allows Mirza to slap him around, and then randomly decides to just try and kill him. When Jafar confronts him in present day Wonderland, he is entirely unrepentant about trying to kill him, and regrets not doing it properly when he had the chance. What are you doing, Disney? Aladdin will never be the same.
Also, Jafar’s mum was a bit of an idiot if she expected the Sultan to just take him in as a son because he has some ring. Bad parenting all around, everyone.
When Alice and Will realise Jafar’s castle is on a floating island, they’re like “Fuck, what the fuck are we gonna fucking do now?” Luckily, a magic tree that has anti-grav bark just happens to be whistling away nearby. Thanks, plot contrivance!
Alice isn’t very excited about her dad showing up and finally believing in Wonderland. Bitch, he came to another fucking universe to find you (as far as she’s aware. It’s Jafar, but she doesn’t know that yet). She’s all whingey and complains that because he didn’t believe her earlier with absolutely no proof and she was a child that he’s a fucking shitlord douchebag who can go die in a hole. Get a fucking grip, cunt.
Who does the Sultan think he is, trying to kill a child? Jenny McCarthy?
Oh, and Daddy is such a pussy. When Jafar’s dangling him, he decides that his life is worth giving up merely so he can tell Alice that Cyrus is alive. Have a little self respect, bro.
But it’s not all bad:
Speaking of trying to commit suicide to make a point, present day Sultan tries to kill himself to rob Jafar of the pleasure. By throwing himself down the pit in the castle. Jafar catches him with the flying carpet. Gosh, Sultan is just no good at properly killing anyone, is he? I lol’d at the burn.
Alice shows competency in one thing, and that thing is dragon slaying. She kills the crap out of the dragon that Jafar summons to threaten her, Will, and himself-in-disguise. Stay practical, baby.
The Sultan’s commitment to being a total piece of shit is commendable. It certainly rubs off on Mirza.
When Jafar returns to assault the palace as an adult, he challenges Mirza to a fist fight for their father’s life. Mirza tries to run instead, and Jafar (presumably) kills him. I lol’d.
Daddy finally believes in Wonderland. When the wish sends him home, he tries to convince himself it was just a dream. I expect he won’t forget that easily. Keep digging.
Despite having her plan found out, Red stays resolute in her goal of capturing Cyrus. Jafar snidely remarks that she still needs him (Jafar) to break the rules of magic, so she can live out her “twisted dreams.” Do tell, darling.
Will still has the key to Granny’s diner. I lol’d.
Oh, and Jafar knows a lot about terrible fathers, so it makes sense that he’s (almost) able to play one. The Sultan might just be the baddest Bad Dad I’ve seen.