Once Upon a Time Season 3 Episode 10 – TV Review
Sadly, Emma doesn’t murder Henry.
Can she do anything right?
TL;DR Our leads return to Storybrooke and it doesn’t take Penry (Pan inside Henry’s body) long to get busy being evil; everyone catches on thanks to Emma’s suspicions; flashback Snow tries to get Medusa’s head to defeat Queenie, but it’s a futile effort.
Symptomatic of Snow in general, really.
The major plot takes place in Storybrooke. Having apparently encased Pan in Pandora’s Box and rescued Henry, it’s time to go home, and our heroes receive, well, a hero’s welcome. Everyone’s happy until Henry, actually Penry, shows interest in spending time with Regina over Emma. Naturally, Emma chucks a fucking psych and assumes something’s wrong with him. She’s unfortunately proven right when she convinces Gold to release “Pan,” who turns out to be Han (Henry inside Pan’s body). Too bad Regina’s already taken the bait and let Penry into her magic vault, where he pinches the original Storybrooke curse, which he plans to use again to turn Storybrooke into a new Neverland (as per the episode’s title, “The New Neverland”). And in flashback, we catch up with Snow and Charming right after Queenie’s big, mean threat at their wedding. Snow makes Charming take her to the Summer Palace for their honeymoon so she can sneak off and go seek out the head of Medusa, who lives nearby. She wants to use it against Queenie. Charming figures it out and joins her. After Charming predictably fucks up the mission and gets stoned, Snow has to use Medusa’s power against her to save him, thus making her plan, and this flashback, entirely moot.
Snow is the gift that keeps on disappointing.
I’ll get to my obligatory Emma whingeing soon, but I’m gonna say the worst thing about this episode is easily the Snow flashback stuff. It’s entirely meaningless.
Snow tries to play it off as learning a lesson of “Oh, Medusa was destroyed by her own power. So if I just wait things out, then Queenie, too, will destroy herself by her own power.”
Yeah, that turned out really well, didn’t it, fuckface?
Why I hate this episode:
The most annoying part is that Charming’s original suggestion was what Snow had to almost kill her husband to see: living well really is the best course of action in dealing with Queenie. And, again, as Queenie totally wrecked the entire Enchanted Forest with that curse, neither Snow nor Charming were right, anyway.
And now it’s time to whinge about Emma. How much does this show have to hate Regina to have Henry showing interest in her as a sure sign that something evil is afoot? Characters are getting better with crediting Regina as a mother (as you’ll see with the best line of the episode below), but when you’ve got Emma being proven right with her “If he likes Regina, he must be literally body swapped with Hitler” suspicions, I’m not impressed.
Hook is almost the better man when he tells Baelfire he’ll back off from romantically pursuing Emma. Only to then tell him that he’s doing it because he believes Baelfire will burn out and he (Hook) can swoop back in later. Dude, don’t give away the game plan to your nemesis. Also, Tinkerbell is a way better option than Emma.
Tinkerbell rebuffs Hook’s sexual advances later. Is she blind, as well as wingless?
Similarly, Emma plays all distant and cold with Baelfire. I’m not watching an ABC show to not see the female lead have a romantic interest, bitch. Get up on some dick, already.
Mother Superior is a bitch to Tinkerbell. Why?
Medusa isn’t the worst CGI ever, but she’s still a CGI creature on Once Upon a Time, so the bar isn’t very high.
The episode makes Regina look stupid by having her not believe Emma about Henry possibly being evil. Rude.
Emma has a sook about how hard it is to be the saviour. Shut up.
Oh, and after the Medusa debacle, Snow admits to Charming that her zeal against Queenie was because she couldn’t fathom bringing something good, a baby, into a world with something bad. I know she’s a character in a fairy tale, but holy fuck, you’re an adult woman. How have you been able to survive with a world view that retarded?
But it’s not all bad:
At least Regina does get a bit of play as a legitimate mother to Henry, even if it’s just Penry being a manipulative little dick.
That best line I was talking about goes to David, who is a bit offended by Emma’s suspicions of Henry’s affection for Regina: “Well, she did help us save him. And she did raise him until you came into his life.” Exactly, cunt.
And when the gang is disembarking from the ship and everyone gets a warm welcome except Regina, Snow publicly credits Regina with saving them all. Snow may be an idiot, but she’s an idiot that people listen to.
Despite the subpar acting, Penry is fun. Mostly because now that he’s evil, he’s fair game as a target of violence. In a perfect world, anyway.
He’s quite the little shit, too. He requests Felix (the head Lost Boy) be punished, as a way to keep the ruse up. I think it was more cruelty on his part. He also uses some magic bottle thing to knock Regina out when they’re in the vault so he can rob her shit. Sneaky fucker.
His plan, to Gold’s realising horror, is to use the curse to transform the land again, which would wipe everyone’s memories and keep time frozen. You gotta respect a man who knows what he likes.
Penry is also still in control of Shadow, and releases him from the ship’s sail. He gets shadow to soul rip Mother Superior (thus killing her. I lol’d) to give Regina a reason to safeguard him in the vault. Smooth criminal.
Wendy reunites with her brothers.
Gold and Belle are as strong as ever.
Emma almost shoots Han before he can convince her that he’s not Pan. Gold encourages her to just kill him. I lol’d.
Charming somehwhat opposes Snow’s ambition of stoning Queenie, referencing her past decision to choose not to kill her. Good use of precedent, baby.
Oh, and at least Charming temporarily dies. I’ll take it.