Glee Season 5 Episode 8 – TV Review
I gotta give Glee points for trying to do something to spice up the pedestrian, obligatory Christmas episode.
But then I’m taking those points right back because they set it a year in the past, in an alternate universe, and Kurt hooks up with a hot dude.
It was a worth a shot, guys.
TL;DR The glee club competes in a Christmas tree decorating competition; Tina and Sam patronise Becky; Marley and Unique patronise Kitty; the New York gang work as mall elves and get robbed by Wilden from PLL.
Who is a sexy Santa stripper. So not everything is a waste.
The plot is set during Christmas last year, and the show (including a 4th wall breaking Jane Lynch) is trying to pass it off as a “Previously Unaired Christmas” episode, which it clearly isn’t. The McKinley gang have 2 major threads going on. First is a school-wide green (as in environmental) Christmas tree decorating competition, judged by Sue. The glee club wins, surprisingly, but Tina and Sam (the leaders of the project) feel bad for Becky, who lost due to half-assing hers. They give her the prize (a glass angel statue) as consolation. See, kids? Being a lazy fool is the key to success. The other thread is the casting of a living nativity scene the school is doing. Kitty doesn’t want to audition for Mary because she feels she isn’t virginal enough. Marley, Unique, and the rest of the glee club purposely do a bad job so Kitty is “forced” to fill in. Meanwhile in New York, Kurt, Rachel and Santana get jobs as Christmas elves at a Santa dispaly at a shopping centre (mall, for you Americans). He’s a drunk dickhead, and after Santana fails as a stand-in Mrs Claus, a sexy Santa shows up to cheer them up. And go to their place for dinner. And get them drunk. And make out with Kurt. And rob them.
No lessons are learnt. A first for Glee, surely.
You’d think I’d be happy for an episode featuring Kitty. But you know me better than that.
Everything else aside (but below. I’m getting to it. Hold on), I couldn’t stand how pathetic the Kitty/nativity plot line was. Kitty’s motivation is shallow (“I don’t feel like a virgin WAAHH”), the glee club’s approach to it is overly emotional (“Kitty feeeeels bad. Let’s throw out all these other auditions and the possible success of the project”), and Kitty even told them she didn’t want to do it (“Who cares what she wants? We know her better than she does”).
Also, Kitty is a pretty crap singer. So there’s that.
Why I hate this episode:
Also, the whole living nativity scene thing seems like a huge waste of time and energy. Who gives a fuck?
The Christmas tree decorating competition is the height of arbitrary, contrived drama. It comes out of nowhere, only means something to Tina because she says so, and exists only to facilitate a “heartwarming moment” for Becky at the end.
Which Becky didn’t deserve. She both misunderstood the project (she thought “green” meant actually green. Like, things that are the colour green), and admits to doing a lazy, subpar job. Then she’s surprised and hurt that she didn’t win? Fuck off.
And why did Sue let the glee club win in the first place? Since when has she given half a shit about judging something fairly outside of a season 1 Regionals judging panel?
Kurt, Rachel, and Santana take some helium Wilden brought with him so they can sing a Chipmunks Christmas song. Who knew it would only take 1 episode for The Fox to lose its Worst Glee Song Ever title?
Wilden’s intention to rob them was ridiculously obvious the whole time.
Oh, and Kurt gets to hook up with Wilden, who looks extremely good shirtless. Kurt deserves nothing good in his life, and certainly not that.
But it’s not all bad:
On the other hand, Wilden looks extremely good shirtless. And he’s shirtless the whole time. It’s a shame he can’t be a recurring character.
He gets the girls blackout drunk in order to do the robbery. With Kurt, though, he ties him up and gags him as part of a role play. Any time I see Kurt hog tied and helpless is a good time.
Tina is forced to part with something she wanted. That makes me happy.
Kurt looks perfectly the part as an elf. The girls’ costumes are sexy, which is nice.
Santana as Mrs Claus is a trashy nightmare, giving all the kids terrible, adult advice and suggestions. The dads in the crowd love it, though. As do I.
The glee club tanking of the nativity song is pretty glorious. I mean, having Unique as the lead was surely enough, but the whole production really was an outstanding level of inappropriate. Good work, everyone.
Best line of the episode goes to Becky during one of her now obligatory sexual tirades (this one was pretty cute, though). This one’s for Tina and Sam: “I have special needs, and one of my special needs is mouth sex with your face.” Yes, for both of them.
Kurt, Rachel, and Santana’s singing does not appease the children who want to see Santa. Their failure is my success.
Wilden makes a comment about how great their apartment is for a bunch of struggling actors. Yep.
Oh, and I’ll give Wilden a pat on the back for stomaching his sexual interest in Kurt. Times must be tough post-PLL.