American Horror Story Season 3 Episode 8 – TV Review

American Horror Story Coven Madison red dress

Yes, I subscribe to Pop Trigger. I hate myself, too.

Fiona will not go quietly into that good night.

She’s gonna claw and smoke and fuck and strut her way back into the light, bitches.

She will bury us all. Probably in heels.

TL;DR Fiona comes close to succumbing to impending death, but turns that shit around; Queenie finds herself torn about joining the black side; Hubby makes a bizarre attempt at beginning his massacre; Misty could actually be the next Supreme.

We all know it’s Zoe, babe. Dare to dream, though.

The plot revolves around Cordelia’s plot to kill Fiona. When Misty turns up on their doorstep after being attacked by a man with a gun in her swamp shack (Hubby?), with a mostly-healed Myrtle in tow, Cordelia sees this as an opportunity to perform an emergency ritual which will bestow Supremehood upon Misty. The only catch is that they have to convince Fiona to kill herself. With a little taunting from Madison and Myrtle, Fiona almost takes the bait. She snaps out of it when Butler’s spirit gives her a villainous pep talk, and Fiona resolves to be the fabulous cockroach she is. Meanwhile, Nan runs to Luke’s place after being disappointed nobody had considered she could be the next Supreme. Hubby opens fire, killing Patti and injuring Luke when he saves Nan from being shot. Luke gets taken to hospital, and Fiona and Misty turn up. Fiona has Misty demonstrate her powers of resurgence by resurrecting Patti. Meanwhile, Zoe, Madison and Kyle have some wah wah relationship drama. And Queenie shows a caged Kathy some kindess. Angela isn’t having any of that, and to show that there are worse things than death, she chops off her hand.

And her head. And mails it to the school, Se7ven style.

The pace seems to be picking back up in the season, and when you’ve got snipers and suicide rituals and living severed heads (probably should have mentioned that Kathy’s immortality is still gruesomely in tact), things are looking up.

But honestly, did any of them really expect Fiona to lie down and accept her death? She’s fought tooth and manicured nail her whole life to be strong, feared, and beautiful. She’s not gonna stop now.

 

Why I hate this episode:

Frustratingly, she almost does. She all but falls for the whole thing. It takes Butler’s spirit to push her back into the realm of sane choices. Keep clawing, baby. You’re worth it.

I’m not very happy with Queenie. First you hand over Mrs Racist Baby Murderer to Angela, then you immediately start feeling bad about it and give her a burger? Woman, you started the episode by killing a violent hobo and harvesting his heart for a spell. Either you’re a badass bitch or you’re not. Multi-dimensional characters have a place in this world. But instantly wishy-washy brats do not. I’m already here, and there’s not enough room for anyone else.

Similarly, Cordelia changes her tune pretty fast with Fiona. She’s all keen to get her mother into the grave, then the shooting attack happens next door and she’s like “I’m glad you’re here. Let’s bond.” A terrible daughter for a terrible mother, I suppose.

Fiona’s spine cancer is really taking its toll this episode, and she pretty much loses all of her hair. Thankfully, she can rock a bandana, but I miss the glamorous Fiona already.

Madison overhears Kyle telling Zoe he loves her, and her saying it back. I ain’t got time for teen romance melodrama. If I wanted that in my witch business, I’d go watch Beautiful Creatures again. Go roll some heads. Angela’s making you look bad.

Kathy probably shouldn’t have taunted Angela.

Oh, and during the little peformance Madison puts on for Fiona as part of the “kill yo’self, bitch” plan, she talks about how Fiona has the choice of either indeed killing herself, or burning at the stake for harming another witch (Madison. Duh). After the plan fails, nobody seems to remember that Fiona’s harming of Madison is still true. I’m especially surprised at Myrtle. They could totally still set Fiona alight for slitting Madison’s throat (not that I want them to, but you know).

 

But it’s not all bad:

After a prolonged speech about how she’s ready for death, Fiona takes less than half a second to snap back to her Queen Bitch ways. And that’s the way I want her. The most delicious part is when she praises Cordelia for acting like her. I do enjoy backhanded compliments.

During Fiona’s period of weakness, Myrtle takes the opportunity to steal some of her jewellery. For someone with hair that red, that’s cold.

Also, Myrtle nonchalantly reveals that her hair (which is all back) is totally fake. Own it.

Despite her softness later, Queenie starts the episode with flair. She ventures under a bridge and is attacked by a hobo. She uses her voodoo doll powers to wreck him. Turns out he’s a repeat offender, and Angela needs a “dark heart” for some spell she’s doing. Zoe and Madison turn up just in time to see her cut him open and rip it out. Eat your heart out, Once Upon a Time.

Queenie, refusing the girls’ invitation to return to the school, also says that a war is coming between Angela’s voodoo witches and Fiona’s coven. Good.

Zoe’s making some progress with Kyle. He’s learned enough to say “I love you,” at least. And he’s apparently still in a three-way relationship with both girls. Getting killed and then Frankenstein’d might be the best thing that ever happened to him.

Best line of the episode goes to Fiona, when she’s commenting on the havoc her cancer is playing with her appearance: “I’m starting to look less Samantha and more Endora every day.” I don’t mind either way.

Cordelia finds a silver, blessed bullet, so she and Fiona know that a serious witch hunter is after them.

I felt bad that nobody thought Nan could be the next Supreme. It’s like Georgina and Gossip Girl’s identity all over again.

Early in the episode, Patti goes all puritanical and admonishes Luke for spending time with the girls next door. Naturally, her solution is to cleanse him. By giving him an enema. I think American Horror Story might have some less-than-latent Oedipal issues.

Oh, and Nan didn’t even get dat dick. Yet.

American Horror Story Nan crying Luke shot

Don’t worry, Nan. Nobody knows how to stay fucking dead in this show, anyway. What is this? TVD?

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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