Glee Season 5 Episode 6 – TV Review

Glee Tyra Banks Bitchette

Why did ANTM have to end? At least Jourdan won.

With the Unique episode last week, it’s time we had some Becky spotlighting (without a false shooting, this time).

It’s cute when the background furniture get their own episodes.

TL;DR Artie hounds Becky about going to college; Sam fucks off going to college to become a model; Blaine is auditioning for NYADA; Ryder tries to escape the friend zone now that Marley’s free.

Good luck, white bread.

The McKinley goings-on are mostly about Becky. Artie finds out that Becky plans to forego college so she can continue being Sue’s secretary (which Sue supports wholeheartedly). He hounds the fuck out of her about colleges that are amenable to people with special needs. She eventually comes around to the idea, and Sue is proud of her for deciding to venture out into the real world. Meanwhile, Jake enjoys his new life as a ho, much to Marley’s whingey dissent. Ryder tries to slide in, and Marley barely contains her vomit when agreeing to going out. Meanwhile, Sam and Blaine go to New York for college interviews/auditions. Sam bombs his, and tells Rachel that he really wants to be a model. A meeting with Tyra Banks (sadly, not as herself) ends with mixed results, but he remains hopeful. And Blaine is all nervous about auditioning for NYADA, but Kurt seems positive that he’ll do fine.

Because the odds that the world’s most prestigious performing arts school will accept 3 students from the same Ohio public school within a couple of years of each other are pretty good, apparently.

NYADA really needs to review their audition process. With any luck, Blaine will be harshly rejected, and not get a random acceptance later because the plot says so (hi, Kurt).

But this is Glee, so good fucking luck with that.

 

Why I hate this episode:

Blaine has a mini breakdown and admits to Kurt that he’s putting applications into a few other schools that offer programs outside of performing arts. Instead of applauding his fiancĂ©’s pragmatism, Kurt shoots that shit down and says it’s NYADA or bust. Because when you’re Glee’s little perfect pets, you don’t need a backup plan.

Rachel and Santana have a ridiculously infuriating exchange early in the episode. They’re at work, and Santana asks Rachel why she’s even continuing to bother working when she could be honing her Funny Girl performance. Rachel replies that it makes sense for the character. You know, instead of the fact that these kids live in a New York dream loft and rent isn’t fucking free. “Why even be at work when you could be home singing? Bahahaha! What reality?”

It’s Billy Joel week, and Blaine does a pointlessly long version of Piano Man (including awkward group dancing at the diner). Glee’s already done Piano Man. But I guess Blaine just needs his much-too-much time to shine, doesn’t he?

Conversely, the episode doesn’t include Uptown Girl, because that one had been done before, too. Disappointing.

Also, Unique follows up his Beatles ignorance by not even knowing who Billy Joel is. Gurrrrrrrrrrlllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll, you need to fuck off.

Artie is pretty darn rude about hassling Becky. His intentions were good, but no means no, honey.

The special needs class at the college is both uplifting and sad at the same time. Go on. Hate me for my honesty.

Jake has a meagre attempt at getting back in Marley’s good books. Yeah, no, that’s not gonna happen. And it doesn’t.

Ryder can give it a rest with his pursuit of Marley. She’s clearly not interested. Even after she says no, he has a big song and dance (literally. Glee, remember?) in front of the whole glee club, which would have made it pretty uncomfortable for her to say no.

His level of White Knighting is hitting Cracked SJW levels. Fortunately, Jake don’t give a fuck.

Marley helps her mum prepare food in the cafeteria kitchen, during which time she can have some girl talk about Jake. However, fuckin’ cunt-ass Marley isn’t wearing her goddamn hair net. Fuck, bitch. Jesus.

Oh, and one of Tyra’s conditions for Sam to be a prospect for her agency is for him to lose 10 pounds. Although having been explicity told this is what he needs to do to get a job, Rachel, Kurt and Blaine tell him he’s fine as he is/love yourself blah blah. I mean, Sam isn’t fat, but if that’s what it takes, that’s what it takes. And given that Sam isn’t Kurt, I don’t think he can rely on the plot magically rewarding him with whatever he wants, despite his level of ability or commitment to meeting requirements.

 

But it’s not all bad:

At least Sam has the decency to bomb his college interview and accept that he can do something else. Hopefully he doesn’t listen to Kurt/Rachel/Blaine’s “advice” and does the work that he needs to in order to get the job.

Becky’s plot line is typically treacly, but it’s still nice. She doesn’t want to go to college because she’s scared of being made fun of like she was in high school before she became Sue’s enforcer. Sue, too, is hesitant to let her go because she has the same fear. Artie takes her out to a campus and it looks like it might be nice after all, so Becky finds the courage to want to give it a go. Like I said: it’s nice.

Rachel and Sam have some sexual tension going on. When he’s getting his photoshoot done, she puts oil on his pecs. And when they’re singing the song about loving yourself, she and Sam dance, and they have a “moment.” Santana notices, but is yet to make fun of them. She’ll get there.

Tyra Banks is her usual, booch-tastic self as the no-nonsense model agent. She strips down Sam’s notions of the glamorous life of a male model (they’re just props, darling). And she looks fuckin’ good. It’s like her guest spot in season 3 of Gossip Girl all over again. And she’s a much better celebrity boss stunt cast than Sarah Jessica Parker.

Best line of the episode goes to Sue, who immediately responds to Sam’s mention of wanting to be a model: “Impossible. You’re too fat.” She gets it.

She also gets second best line when Becky’s worried about how her going to college might hurt Sue’s feelings: “I don’t have any feelings, Becky.” So like us.

And Sue calls Will’s hair “Olympia Dukakis’ merkin.” Any merkin joke is a good merkin joke.

Adam Lambert is still MIA. I’m hoping Glee has just forgotten about him.

Marley’s unwillingness to shack up with Ryder is delicious. She even plays the “we went out, but we’re not ‘going out'” card. Ouch.

Oh, and Sam has to get his shirt off for the modelling photoshoot.

Glee Sam model shirtless

Look at that fat cunt. Disgusting.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

9 responses to “Glee Season 5 Episode 6 – TV Review”

  1. Amadan says :

    i can’t stand this you have to love yourself because this world is enlighted and perfect glee feeling any longer. nobody ever fails because despite the “screw you” attitude. and i know this is a singing show but enough is enough they only sing and they no longer have any real social interaction.

    i would never go to a bar where waiters and waitress sing and dance instead of bringing me coffe or vodka (depends on the time). but apparently new york has a place for everything.

    tyra is perfection as always.

    ah i remember the old days when bitching and singing was the core of the show. quinn bitching rachel and santana bitching everyone, that was something…

  2. Vicky says :

    I just find hilarious when Kurt says to Blaine: “The way I talked you up to Carmen Tibidoux, she’s gonna offer you a spot on the spot.” Look at him thinking he could ever influence NYADA’s Head of Admissions. What a piece of shit.

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