American Horror Story Season 3 Episode 7 – TV Review

I hate to say it, but the shine is wearing off this season of American Horror Story for me.

Too much talking, not enough crazy, fucked up, witchy shit.

Plenty of sex, though.

TL;DR Fiona has sex with the Axeman a lot; Madison has sex with Kyle; Queenie spends quality time with Kathy, but ends up betraying her to Angela; Cordelia and Zoe figure out Fiona killed Madison.

About time, guys. Gosh.

A surprisingly large amount of time is dedicated to Fiona and the Axeman‘s romantic entanglement. What starts out as a one night stand gets weird when he reveals he’s watched over her since she came to the school at 8 years old. His fatherly feelings eventually developed into love. Fiona hesitates, but they bone. I think she just likes the attention. Meanwhile, Cordelia touches Madison and has a vision of Fiona killing her. She takes her concerns to Zoe and proposes they kill Fiona, as it’s the only way they’ll be safe (ironically, she is still unaware that her husband is getting ready to assassinate the lot of them). Zoe pops Butler’s tongue back into his mouth so she can get the truth out of him, and he confirms Fiona murdered Madison. Zoe murders him. Meanwhile, Madison and Kyle bond over both being zombies. They have zombie sex, and later invite Zoe to join them in a threesome. Meanwhile, Queenie and Kathy’s friendship seems to be building. Queenie visits Angela, and Angela says dem cracker-ass witches be all racist and shit, and if she delivers her Kathy, then Queenie can live with her own people. Queenie does.

Vengeance is a sweet, blood facial for Angela.

I feel like the season isn’t living up to the heights of its early episodes. I hold hope that this is just a middle season lull, and the final episodes will ramp this shit up and outdo the craziness of the season’s start. Or at the very least, I hope it doesn’t sputter out over the final pair of episodes like season 2 did.

I guess zombie sex will have to do for now.


Why I hate this episode:

Zoe’s little “investigation” is moot and bizarre. Cordelia has already seen the vision of Fiona killing Madison. This apparently isn’t enough to satisfy Zoe, who has to ask Butler herself. Then she fucking stabs him to death after her tells her the truth. I know Zoe isn’t opposed to a little fatal rape, but considering the compassionate role she’s otherwise been playing, this comes out of fucking nowhere.

Queenie is a bit of a bitch. Kathy seems to be earnestly trying to earn her friendship, and she even asks Queenie to be the one to help her navigate this brave new world. She certainly trusts Queenie enough to share her greatest atrocity with her: one of her black maids had a child with Kathy’s husband, so Kathy made some face cream out of it and made the maid watch as she applied it. Like, that’s up there on the Worst Things Ever list, but that’s pretty brave to admit to your black friend.

Angela’s assertion that the school witches are racist for harbouring Kathy is pretty stupid, too. Queenie tries to tell her that she’s been reduced to a maid and is Queenie’s slave, but Angela says that’s not severe enough for her. Maybe you should have actually punished her in the severe way that you wanted to (bleeding her for face cream, as poetic justice), instead of locking her in a box and getting mad when someone dug her up?

Madison is all pensive and introspective now that she’s a zombie. Bitch, that’s not what I come to you for.

And her amnesia extends to Kyle and the fratboys. You need to get back in the game, honey.

I’m still irked by Cordelia’s metamorphosis from nurturing authority figure to explosively vengeful super bitch. I mean, having known Fiona her whole life, is she really shocked that she would slash the throat of an adversary? Surely that’s in her established repertoire?

Oh, and Fiona almost shaves her head out of frustration about her hair loss. Don’t scare me like that.


But it’s not all bad:

Jessica Lange has still got it, baby. Her sex scene with the Axeman is the classiest, hottest shit you’ll see this side of Downton Abbey porn. It’s all classic embraces and clever cuts and smooth jazz. Is there anything Jessica Lange can’t do?

Her reaction to the Axeman’s revelation about knowing her is pretty awesome. She’s initially off-put, but I’m fairly certain it’s only because it reminds her of how old she is. Not the whole “father figure wants to bang you now” thing. She then finds it flattering that he cares so much about her. At the very least, his interest makes her feel better about balding.

At the start of the episode, Zoe is hiding Kyle in the greenhouse, and it looks like she’s about to euthanase him with a gun. Kyle notices it, and grabs it and actually tries to shoot himself. Zoe stops him, which is good for us, because then he gets to have arse-bearing sex with Madison. And a threesome with Zoe. Everyone wins.

Madison’s opening scene is a delightful monologue about the perils of being Gen Y scum. Mainly, that we’re crushingly narcissistic and apathetic. I know, right? She also seems to have lost most of her sense of touch (except when she’s touching Kyle’s dick), and has a ravenous, insatiable appetite.

In fact, Queenie and Kathy’s cute fast food run is because Madison has gorged on everything in the house.

Best line of the episode goes to Madison, who is relaying a message to Zoe: “Oh, Cordelia wants to see you. Uh, actually, that would be impossible. But she does wanna talk.” Oh, blind jokes.

Second best line goes to Cordelia during that meeting, when summing up Zoe: “Which means you are one hot-shit witch.” Well, she is a Farmiga.

Before his death, Kyle is at a tattoo parlour with his frat brothers. He wants to be an engineer, and decides not to get a tattoo because he doesn’t want prospective employers to profile him. However, our reconstructed zombie Kyle has one of his bro’s tattooed arms now. I lol’d.

Hubby calls Cord briefly, and we see he’s preparing a rifle. Better catch on soon, witches.

Kathy’s atrocity is brilliantly brutal. Angela begins her vengeance this episode by giving herself a blood treatment, from Kathy’s personal (and by “personal,” I mean from her person) supply. Voodoo witches probably don’t get yucked out by that kind of thing.

Oh, and I respect Cordelia’s matricidal ambition. She’s committed.

American Horror Story Coven Cordelia eyes

“Just let me get a little bombed first.”

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

8 responses to “American Horror Story Season 3 Episode 7 – TV Review”

  1. Teylen says :

    I don’t think the series will get back to being batshit crazy like the first few episodes. Though I still do like it.

    Specially as they answered (at least my) question why Queenie didn’t join the black-voodoo-witch team. Seemes like she needed an entry ticket.
    Which kinda made me feel bad for Mme. Laurie. Also I consider it being a bit picky from Laveau to be all “Ya don’t get into it without something extra”.

    As for Kyle, he noticed two tattoes. The clover at the arm and those chinese signs from his other friend on his leg/ankle. ^^

  2. Amadan says :

    i can do with some zombie sex for the moment but i still hope for some twisted shit later on

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