Once Upon a Time Season 3 Episode 8 – TV Review
Well, Henry’s dead.
TL;DR Henry dies; nobody trusts Gold; flashbacks reveal Rumple’s dad sold him out so he could become Peter Pan.
That family line has some serious parenting issues.
So the Neverland plot sees Gold and Regina bumping into the Emma troupe while they’re on their way to Pan’s camp. Baelfire tells everyone that Gold wants to kill Henry, so they all turn on him. He promises to be a good boy, so they continue on to launch their assault. Pan has already taken Henry to Skull Rock, but Wendy’s there and she informs the gang of Pan’s true need for Henry: his magic is running out, and when it does, he’ll die. He’s going to swap hearts with Henry so he can become immortal and omnipotent. And Henry will die. Our heroes make it to Pan in time (Gold gets there first, but Pan imprisons him in Pandora’s Box. Oops), but Henry is too dumb to listen to them and gives Pan his heart anyway. And in flashback, Child Rumple and his father travel to Neverland to escape Daddy’s bad reputation. Daddy is disappointed to discover you need to be a child to harness the power of Neverland, so he lets Shadow carry Rumple back to the Enchanted Forest, and renews himself as Peter Pan.
Seems pretty reasonable to me. But I just hate children.
Especially Henry. And how can I stay mad at any episode where Henry dies?
Why I hate this episode:
Baelfire is a fucking sourpuss, isn’t he? Gold’s trying to do something good for once, and this bitch is turning everyone against him. I really wish he had died.
While I’m in love with his death, Henry is a fucking idiot. Regina, Emma and Baelfire bust into the room before he’s given his heart to Pan. They tell him that “Hey, Pan is evil. We’re your parents and we actually care about you. We’re not some random stranger who has been essentially holding you prisoner for 8 episodes. Listen to us.” And Henry is like “Nuh” and gives Pan his heart. He may have his moments of clarity, but after this, I don’t know how Henry will ever get himself off the Obstructive Dipshit pile.
Pan uses the power of Neverland (think of something and you get it) to switch Pandora’s Box with a fake one, and he traps Gold in the real one. Goddammit.
David’s little “you can never leave” caveat to his Dreamshade cure ain’t no thang anymore, because Gold is like “Lolz, I can make you a cure. It ain’t no thang.” Wow. Much tension. So consistency.
Baelfire also forces Gold to promise to make the cure for free, and not get any deal in return. Rude.
Emma and Regina combine magic to eclipse the moon, which apparently would mean they wouldn’t have shadows, so they can get past Pan’s safeguard on Skull Rock (if you have a shadow, you can’t get through). Umm, weren’t there still torches and stuff? Light don’t real, only plot holes.
Oh, and before he boxes Gold up, Pan plays the Not So Different card, pointing out that he abandoned his son, too. Gold claims that because he felt bad about it, it’s okay. Normally I’m okay with child abuse, but don’t be in denial about it, sweetie.
But it’s not all bad:
Henry’s dead. With Bonnie’s revival this week, I was in desperate need of another of my hated character’s deaths. Thank you, ABC.
The revelation that Pan is Gold’s dad also registered pretty high on the gasp scale. What a total badass. “Fuck my kid, I wanna be young, beautiful, and wish for whatever I want.” Not a bad deal, tbh.
He was also a 3 Card Monte hustler, which always reminds me of this.
And he names himself Peter Pan after Child Rumple’s little doll thing (which Gold has been carrying around with him while in Neverland). He’s still a bad dad (possibly the worst ever), but it’s something.
It’s nice to have all the crew together for the assault on Pan’s camp. Even if Gold does get shunned by everyone.
The only inhabitant of Neverland before Rumple’s Daddy decided to stay was Shadow. He (it?) explains to the newly minted Peter Pan that Neverland is not meant to be a place to live, and he has a limited amount of time to be there (represented by an enormous hourglass). If nobody is supposed to live in Neverland, and Pan’s time is limited, does that mean that everyone will be in danger if the magic isn’t revamped? So Pan wasn’t actually lying to Henry about saving Neverland’s magic? You sneaky bitch. Fabulous.
When Emma tries to walk through the safeguard, she gets flipped away. It’s beautiful.
Best line of the episode goes to Gold. He’s still sore about Baelfire taking away his reward for offering to make the David elixir, and he’s not afraid to mention it when Snow, too, thanks him: “Well, apparently that’s the only thanks I need these days.” What is Rumple without his deals?
Regina assures Wendy that her brothers are safe in Storybrooke, which is what prompts her to come clean about Pan’s plans. So that jaunt to get Pandora’s Box wasn’t a complete waste of time.
Oh, and after Baelfire tells the gang about Gold’s original, murderous intentions, everyone does the “you’ll have to go through me” speech. Really, the only one who would put up close to a fight is Regina, but their hearts were in the right place. Bless.