Glee Season 5 Episode 5 – TV Review

Glee Unique Sassy

Click click, mmm hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I should warn you first of all that it’s a Unique-heavy episode.

You can all go home now.

TL;DR Unique deals with the difficulties of being transgendered some more; the episode is mostly about twerking; Kurt gets a misspelled tattoo; Sue continues to be aimlessly obstructive.

It’s not convincing anyone anymore, sugar.

So after the stunningly poignant Katy/Gaga dilemma from last episode, Glee has moved onto more important topics. Like the right to twerk. Will says twerking could spice up their Nationals routine in order to outshine Throat Explosion. They do a lot of it. Sue finds it gross, so bans it. Will fights for that shit like he believes it’s an actual civil rights issue. That plot line eventually dovetails into the other major McKinley plot line, which is bathroom bullying faced by Unique. Sue gets him a special porta potty to eliminate the problem of choosing between the boys or the girls toilets, but it’s inconvenient (it’s bolted to the choir room floor) and embarrassing. Will ends up trading Sue the twerking in exchange for a personal key for Unique to use the staff toilets. Meanwhile, Marley finds out that Jake is fucking Bree and dumps him. And over in New York, Kurt apparently doesn’t find starting a band called Pamela Lansbury edgy enough, so he and Rachel go out to get tattoos. He tries to get “It gets better,” but it’s misspelled. He ramps up the edge factor by getting a tongue piercing as well on his return trip to the parlour to get the tattoo covered. And Rachel is doing some rehearsals for Funny Girl.

Her tattoo was “Finn,” by the way.

I sincerely hope that Unique isn’t going down the Kurt route of having an endless string of episodes be dedicated to reminding us about how bad being discriminated against is for your gender identity (or in Kurt’s case, sexuality). It’s a beat that didn’t need to be readressed, and certainly not as superficially as this.

Glee didn’t need to tell us again that it’s hard for Unique. We know. We get it.


Why I hate this episode:

The other huge problem with this episode is the music. There’s Blurred Lines, which everyone except perpetrators of sexual assault and drunk college girls is thoroughly sick of. Then Marley sings a hilariously subpar cover of Wrecking Ball (Rebecca Black beat you to it, baby), including the cheapest, shittiest set ever. And not content to have tortured me enough, Unique gets an annoyingly long go at BeyoncĂ©’s dumb, man-hating, hypocritical anthem If I Were A Boy. The only saving grace is that, through Unique, If I Were A Boy almost makes sense. Instead of it just being some whiney woman who yells about how if she were a boy, having had the advantage of being a woman for nearly 3 decades, she would understand women better.

The whole twerking thing is another page from the “stupid bullshit” patch on Glee’s plot line dartboard. I thought getting Brittany out of here would switch that stuff off. Will compounds the problem by eventually giving up the twerking anyway. Because who needs principles when you can be pragmatic? That doesn’t sound very Glee.

Watching Blaine twerk has got to be an experiment at weaponising images for television broadcast.

Of course Kurt’s tattoo is a zero effort slogan.

Rachel pretends to get a haircut just so she can play power games with Funny Girl’s director (it’s actually a wig). What?

Unique venturing into the girls’ toilets just once is apparently all it takes for bathroom mixing to blow out across the entire school (and culminating in raves in the toilets). Stupid bullshit some more.

Rachel’s impetus for that tattoo trip is because she misses how things felt in high school, when everything seemed so vital and immediate. I thought Rachel and Kurt were more the type of people who snobbily think they can leave high school behind?

Kurt gets drunk and hungover from 2 shots of limoncello. Are you fucking kidding me?

Jake is a little slutty whore. I was expecting his running to Bree last episode would be explained away, but nope. And he thinks he can keep dating Marley and the secret isn’t gonna get out? Idiot.

The Wrecking Ball video recreation is appalling.

Oh, and Glee doing Blurred Lines? Really? Great message.


But it’s not all bad:

Sue gets it, though, and totally calls Will out, earning herself second best line of the episode: “You do realise that Blurred Lines is a song about date rape, don’t you?” Refute her, fangirls. I know you will.

She also very rightly points out that a teacher shouldn’t be twerking alongside his students. Maybe Penny’s near-paedophilia is rubbing off on Will.

Kitty and Jake lead the twerking tutorial for the glee club. Naturally.

Tina and Ryder are not very good at it. Naturally.

Being one of the only not-ear-assault songs, Rachel’s rehearsal song with Ioan is quite nice. And damn, bitch, Ioan Gruffudd can sing. He’s beautiful.

Sue fires Will for the Blurred Lines stunt. He gets his job back, but a temporary victory still means something, right?

Later, after another disagreement about twerking, Will imitates a classic Sue storm out from the principal’s office. It’s accurate.

Kurt cracks the shits at the tattooist for misspelling his tattoo (“It’s get better”), but it turns out Kurt actually misspelled it himself in the design he gave him. The tattooist didn’t say anything because he’s a grizzled old hardass who doesn’t give a fuck what your tattoo is supposed to mean. Fucking lol at you, Kurt.

The coverup, which the tattooist comes up with himself, is “It’s got Bette Midler.” Now that’s some hipster-esque originality. Beats a tired, vanilla slogan.

Best line of the episode goes to Kitty, who is averse to Unique using his special toilet: “Okay, if Oprah’s going to drop the Cosby kids off at the pool, I am not going to be here for it.” Agreed.

Tina loves the toilet, and is happy to use it when people are in the room. I lol’d.

Bree laughs at Marley’s crap twerking. And of course, she tells her all about how Jake upgraded to her from Lady Frigid over here.

Bonus points for Bree going all SJW and calling Marley out for her subsequent slut shaming of her. Just accept it, Marley: nothing you do is right.

Oh, and the Wrecking Ball recreation is as shithouse as it is hilarious.

Glee Marley wrecking ball

Is this seriously the best they could afford?

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

6 responses to “Glee Season 5 Episode 5 – TV Review”

  1. Scott says :

    Glee: Where pushing the envelope consists of following the trend months after the fact, and thinking twerking is edgy enough to win a competition.

  2. Alisha says :

    I was really looking forward to your review of this episode due to it being inexplicably worse than the last. So much crap, so little time but Marleys cover was the cherry on the shit cake that was this episode.

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