Ravenswood Season 1 Episode 4 – TV Review

Ravenswood Caleb Rivers shirtless

Miranda’s been on a CW show. You’re gonna have to do better, Caleb.

The good news is, I’ve moved on from hating the banality of Ravenswood.

The bad news is, I’ve gone back to hating the stupid attempts of the show to be “spooky” or “scary.”

TL;DR Miranda and Olivia think Uncle might have killed Papa Matheson; Caleb and Remy do some snooping into the history of the curse; Luke hooks up with Blondie.

Maybe she is out to piss off Olivia after all.

Caleb and Remy carry the bulk of the actual, curse-related plot this episode. Caleb bumps into a woman at the cemetery who says he’s the spitting image of a Caleb Rivers who died in one of the curse-induced massacres a while ago. That Caleb’s brother is an old man now, so Caleb and Remy visit him for clues. He later gives them some keys, which Remy recognises as belonging to the old courthouse, which is where the high school is now. They break into an unrenovated basement room, and find a box. Meanwhile, Miranda uses her ghost powers to slink around Uncle’s office. She sees him with some big knife, so assumes this is the missing murder weapon in Papa Matheson’s death. She and Olivia (oh, the other guys can apparently see Miranda sometimes now) break into the office and find jars of hair which correlate to curse victims. When Uncle is confronted about it later, they’re gone. Meanwhile, Luke’s grades are bad, so Teacher convinces him to join a play. His and Blondie’s characters have to kiss, so they do, and feelings arise. Remy isn’t impressed. And Miranda sees her mum’s ghost and they walk into the light.

If only this could mean that Miranda is gone and we never have to see her again.

I’m so tempted to keep up with Ravenswood, but it’s unbelievably boring and weak. I’m thinking about giving it The Tomorrow People pledge: if I’m not impressed by episode 5, I’m done.

Being a spinoff of PLL isn’t enough.

 

Why I hate this episode:

The true downfall of this episode is the attempt at making things all spooky and supernatural, but it comes off as arbitrary, PG fluff:

  • Remy sleepwalks. She gets a glass and goes to pour some cold water out of her fridge. Her glass fills with blood instead. This is supposed to be terrifying. It isnt.
  • A raven flies into Luke’s bike spokes while he’s riding. The bird gets mangled and Luke…oh my god, this is so scary I just can’t… scrapes his knee. Are you fucking kidding?
  • When Caleb and Remy are debating whether to go see Old Caleb’s brother, Abbie’s ghost writes “GO” in the grass near her grave. It’s hilarious.
  • Olivia is scared when the drawers in Uncle’s office start opening and closing themselves rapidly. The horror!

Caleb shirtless isn’t very exciting.

Caleb is avoiding telling Hanna what’s going on, because he knows if he does then she’ll shoot down to help him. And he doesn’t want to put her in danger. I don’t think even Hanna could save this show.

Luke is a ho.

Remy plans to use the newspaper’s blog to feel out clues about the curse. Yeah, because anyone from the previous curses’ generations would totally be reading a local newspaper’s blog. At least it doesn’t get any hits, so the show agrees with me.

Miranda considers herself in love with Caleb. Ha!

We don’t get to see what’s in the box yet.

Oh, and I can’t even see myself following Ravenswood to hate-watch it, like Glee. It’s just too empty.

 

But it’s not all bad:

Olivia almost gets killed by a falling prop. That’s something, right?

Uncle and Mama Matheson have a past. They went to school together, and they clearly have sexual tension. Apparently Papa Matheson didn’t like Uncle, so I suppose he could be a suspect in the murder.

And the locks of hair in the jars was pretty actually creepy.

Luke tells Remy he kissed Blondie, and doesn’t want to be with Remy anymore because she’s a downer. He’s got a point.

Miranda is now able to leave the confines of her uncle’s property.

Miranda ghost writes (ah ha!) an email to Hanna for Caleb saying that he loves her and he’s coming home soon. Hopefully.

Luke gets best line of the episode when talking about his and Blondie’s characters in the play: “I don’t get it. These characters getting married when they hardly know each other. They have one date, then a wedding.” Are you listening, Miranda?

Blondie’s middle school nickname was “Honey Roasted Penis,” because she once mispronounced “honey roasted peanuts” when she had braces. Gold.

I hope Miranda’s mum’s ghost turns out to be a horrible trick.

Oh, and Olivia is refreshingly enthusiastic about hanging out with a ghost. Maybe she can actually get some shit done.

Ravenswood Miranda Olivia

“Nah, just my uncle’s sex toy collection. And he’s not even very adventurous.”

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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