Once Upon a Time in Wonderland Season 1 Episode 4 – TV Review

Once Upon a Time in Wonderland Red Queen Jafar kiss

Just kidding. Unfortunately.

Well, we’ve had Knave’s backstory. Whose turn is it now?

Jafar?

Oh well, I guess I’ll have to wait to see how Anastasia became the Red Queen.

Life is pain.

TL;DR Jafar learns sorcery from some chick in Agrabah in his flashbacks; he and Red catch and attempt to execute Knave, forcing Alice to use a wish; Cyrus works on escaping from his prison.

With a chicken bone. I’m not kidding.

The major plot in Wonderland sees Jafar task Red with capturing Knave (who everyone is now calling Will, so I guess I should, too). Red has some doubts, and they are intensified when, after having caught him, Jafar demands she execute him. Alice, with assistance from one of Will’s Wonderland proteg├ęs, saves Will. But Jafar and Red catch them in the hedge maze, and Alice is forced to use her first wish to stop Jafar from killing him (she wishes for Will’s death to be linked to her own, and if a genie’s master dies, the genie can’t move onto the next master). Jafar just turns him to stone, instead. He and Red promise to continue making Alice’s life hard to coax more wishes out of her. Meanwhile, Cyrus tries to use a chicken bone to escape his cage. It goes suprisingly well. And in Agrabah flashback, a young Jafar learns sorcery so he can exact vengeance on the Sultan, as he is his illegitimate child. Jafar, predictably, ends up double-crossing Amara, his teacher and lover, and turns her into his iconic Cobra staff.

What is it with Amaras being turned into inanimate objects?

Honestly, there was no surprise when Jafar fucked her over. I had my bets hedged 50/50 on her fucking him over, too. There’s no way 2 people who are that selfish and powerful can truly be content together.

It’s like even Jafar was sick of the lovey dovey bullshit that the show is spouting off and took a stand. Good job.

 

Why I hate this episode:

Guess what Jafar’s motivation has been this whole time? Daddy issues. Good god, fuck off. It’s too much.

He’s rude to Red. He demands that she execute Will and all that, knowing how much distress it’s causing her. But his plan all along was simply to lure Alice out into the open and force her to make a wish, which is what the supposed exectution accomplished. Normally’s I’d be praising some magnificent bastardry, but not when it leaves my precious Red out in the cold. Darling.

The wishbone stuff is some pure insanity. Cyrus gets a wishbone from a guard. He snaps it in two and sharpens one piece, presumably as a lock pick (or a shank?). It gets taken off him and thrown in the bottomless pit, but he reveals later that he still has the other piece. With it, he summons the first piece up from the depths, and with a piece on either side of the bars of his cage, he starts welding through them. Lolwut.

Amara is a bit of a sexual predator. She takes in, like, 10 year old Jafar. Then when he grows up, she totally roots that shit. Do you think they would have tried that plot line with the genders reversed?

When Will is in Red’s prison, she visits him and says she’s arranged for Rabbit to sneak him out so he won’t be executed. Will refuses and, out of spite and mistrust of the plan, dares Red to execute him. He goads her into it further with reverse psychology. What the fuck, dude?

Oh, and Alice punches Red in the face. Bitch, no.

 

But it’s not all bad:

Red does seem genuinely upset about Will being turned to stone, though. And while Jafar is choking him, he calls out “Anastasia” to her, so Alice knows who she is, now. It’s a shame they couldn’t have had a full-blown catfight. Maybe later.

Near the end of the episode, Red returns to Stone Will and looks sad. Aww.

Before all this, she gets to indulge her toffee-nosed side. Her flirting with Jafar is as divine as ever. They belong together. Hopefully she doesn’t end up like Amara.

The scene where Jafar turns Amara into a snake is pretty disgusting. Disgustingly great.

Jafar’s scheme is revealed: he needs the 3 genies (he already has 2) to fuel some super special spell that will make him omnipotent. The spell apparently requires 2 sorcerers, though (which is why Amara kept him around originally), so that’s why he is hanging onto Amara. In staff form.

Lizard seems like a cool chick, despite the American accent and ineptitude.

Best line of the episode goes to Alice, when meeting Lizard. Lizard is explaining how Will was her mentor:
Lizard: “Taught me everything I know.”
Alice: “Sorry to hear that.”
As far as insults go, it’s not aiming for the stars, but any edge from Alice is appreciated.

Red gets runner up with her encouragement to Alice while Jafar’s choking Will: “Make a bloody wish, Alice.” God!

To capture Will, Red has to beat up a group of Caterpillar’s debt collectors. Lizard, who was one of them, says she has the bruises to prove it was Red who stopped them. I like to imagine Red used her fists, not her magic, to lay the beatdown.

The citizens of Wonderland seem to like Red. That’s cool.

I’m pretty sure the other prisoner in Jafar’s dungeon is gonna turn out to be the Sultan.

I didn’t stick around for post season 3 of Lost, but if you did, then you might be happy to know that Amara and Jafar have met before.

Oh, and when Jafar is forcing one of the genie’s masters into using his final wish, he stabs him in the hands. And they pretty much show it. I was worried, what with all the idealism and CGI, that Once Upon a Time in Wonderland might be skewing for a younger audience. This is a good sign.

Once Upon a Time in Wonderland Jafar stabs guy's hand

Add in Amara’s body horror, and things might just be headed in the right direction.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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