American Horror Story Season 3 Episode 5 – TV Review

American Horror Story Coven witch burning

“That’s Burning Woman, you misogynistic shitlord.”

Did you really think Fiona wouldn’t be able to wriggle her way out of a little murder accusation?

That was Myrtle’s mistake.

TL;DR Fiona manages to get Myrtle burned at the stake for throwing acid in Cordelia’s face (she didn’t, btw); Angela’s zombie horde is foiled by a new power of Zoe’s; Kathy and Queenie’s bond grows stronger; Fiona goes on a pill binge at the hospital.

What else is there to do while your daughter’s unconscious?

The plot lifts off directly from where we ended last week. The zombies lay siege to the school, injuring Luke the neighbour boy and almost killing Queenie. Kathy saves Queenie from the zombie of her daughter, while Zoe breaks out the chainsaw to put the others to rest (in pieces). When cornered, she uses some unseen power to short circuit Angela’s spell, ending the danger for good. Meanwhile, Fiona takes Cordelia to the hospital for that splash of acid thingy. Cordelia has been blinded, and while she’s waiting for her to wake up, Fiona sneaks some pills from the supply closet and goes roaming. She comes across a woman whose baby was stillborn. She projects her own insecurities about motherhood onto them for a while, before resurrecting it on her way out. Later, Myrtle returns, and Fiona manages to successfully frame her for the Cordelia attack. The punishment for harming another witch is burning at the stake, so that’s what she gets. Misty shows up at the site at the end of the episode and wakes that bitch up.

But what is she without her glorious, red hair?

Burning Myrtle at the stake isn’t really living up to the precedent set by the first 3 episodes, so as nitpicking goes, I’m putting that out there.

For me, the big deal is Madison’s continuing death. Fucking Myrtle gets resurrected by Misty almost immediately. Come bring Madison up, bitch!


Why I hate this episode:

We get a flashback to the way Kathy treats her daughters in 1833. After she scares off a potential suitor for one of them, the girls half-heartedly plot against her. In retaliation, she throws them into her nightmare dungeon, promising to keep them there for a whole year as punishment. One of them resists getting in her cage, so Kathy just has the door smashed on her leg, breaking it. I knew she was rough to the slaves, but I found this stuff on the wrong side of believable.

If Fiona can bring stillborn babies back to life, you’d think she might have a little magic up her sleeve for some burnt eyes?

Kathy simply lets one her zombie daughters in. Stupid. It’s the one that almost kills Queenie, too.

Myrtle puts up absolutely no defence to the decision to burn her at the stake. Considering the lengths she went to last episode to argue something she merely suspected to be true, her utter silence at something she knows to be true (that she didn’t attack Cordelia) is silly.

Queenie helps frame Myrtle by using her powers to burn her hand with sulfuric acid during the meeting with Fiona, which would make it look like Myrtle burned herself with the same acid used against Cordelia. Wouldn’t Myrtle have felt her hand being dipped in acid?

Nobody mentions Kyle.

Oh, and to placate Queenie’s guilty conscience, Fiona distracts her with delusions of maybe being the next Supreme. Queenie should know that the fat, black girl never gets the crown. This is high school, baby.


But it’s not all bad:

Fiona framing Myrtle and delighting in her death by burning is so cold I think my own frozen heart might have shivered just a tiny bit. Bonus points for igniting the fire by nonchalantly flicking her cigarette onto her.

Fiona gets to explore some other range this episode, though, when she has her tender moment with the unlucky mother. It’s not as good as her drunken lament from last season, but Jessica Lange acts the shit out of this scene. She encourages the woman to hold her dead baby and say all the loving, supportive things that she never said to Cordelia. And she ends by resurrecting the baby. I didn’t know Fiona could do that, too. Misty won’t feel special anymore.

Zoe and Nan show heroism while under attack by the zombies. Nan risks her life to save Luke, who got attacked while unsuccessfully trying to prove the zombies weren’t real. Zoe distracts the zombies so Nan and Luke can take cover, but that gets blown eventually. Which means it’s time to break out the chainsaw. American Horror Story doesn’t skimp on the gore, either.

In the Kathy flashback, she tests the mettle of her daughter’s suitor by having him touch some shrouded horrors (it’s Halloween). Kathy reveals her bowl of eyeballs to indeed by eyeballs, and the bowl of intestines to be, yes, intestines. She doesn’t waste any parts of the carcass, at least?

Best line of the episode goes to Fiona, who is not shy about her disdain for Cordelia’s husband: “Thank Christ you couldn’t knock her up!” Low blow. The best kind.

When Hubby touches Cordelia’s hand, she briefly stirs from her unconsciousness and sees visions of him fucking that redhead from last episode. Lose one type of sight, gain another?

A couple of unlucky young men happen upon the zombies and tease them before Angela sets them to attack mode. They don’t fare well.

Queenie uses her powers against Kathy’s daughter’s zombie, including a very impressive throat-slitting effect. Maybe being a Supreme isn’t so far-fetched?

Madison is starting to rot, and when Butler tries pulling her out of a trunk, he accidentally snaps one of her arms off. At least she’s still getting some screen time.

Oh, and Zoe really is not too shabby behind the thrash of a chainsaw. I can think of somewhere she can apply those skills.

American Horror Story Coven Zoe zombie chainsaw Taissa Farmiga

We haven’t had an audtion on I Just Hate Everything for a while.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

9 responses to “American Horror Story Season 3 Episode 5 – TV Review”

  1. Teylen says :

    I guess Myrtle got her quick resurrection from the aspect that burning women on a stake raises a bit more general attention as silently murdering someone inside a mansion. Specially as Misty doesn’t know that there are other witches around apart from Madison.
    Maybe with the green bayou-goo creme Myrtle can grow her hair back ^^

    Tho given the aspect that the Supreme can also resurrect I am a bit wondering how the coven managed to shrink as much. They could have just gone reviving all those witches put to the stake @.@;

    Given how high Marie flew while zombie-attacking I would have but some pillows at her landing spot or prepare to catch. She had to come down somehow. Maybe it’s been retaliation for going all Romero on the other coven ^^

    • ijusthateeverything says :

      Yeah, she really should have planned ahead for that landing.

      Hopefully Fiona will feel guilty or something and resurrect Madison soon. Emma Roberts is in the main cast, so I don’t think we’ll have to wait too long to see her up and at ’em.

  2. Amadan says :

    when i saw the chainsaw i thought well, it’s ryan murphy afterall he has to jump the shark once in a often… although zoe’s chainsaw screen time was so 80’s horror i loved it!
    i also loved every single shit jessica lange made and said on screen, she will always be a supreme.
    i loved when she said: yeah you will beg, but you’ll not receive any pardon”
    yes please!

    i’ll leave you with this while i wait for your next post: TVD OMG!!

  3. Steph says :

    Confused about why Fiona’s first reaction would be to scream at fellow bar goers to call an ambulance and take Cordelia to hospital when she’s a Supreme.

    Loved how the Coven and Council were all wearing black (witchy-like) hats at Myrtle’s burning.

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