Once Upon a Time Season 3 Episode 6 – TV Review
It’s been a while since we had a new Disney princess on the scene. Were Mulan and Sleeping Beauty the last ones?
Well, it’s Ariel. If the episode title, “Ariel,” didn’t give it away for you.
TL;DR Flashback Snow spends some time with Ariel which leads to Snow almost getting killed by Queenie; Regina splits off from the Fab 5 in Neverland and teams up with Gold; the other 4 track down Baelfire.
And there’s no Henry. Good.
The Neverland plot has Hook selflessly spilling the beans about Pan telling him Baelfire is alive. Regina splinters off because she thinks rescuing Baelfire is a distraction from rescuing Henry. The remaining 4 find Baelfire in Echo Cave, where they have to each confess their deepest, darkest secret to secure Baelfire’s freedom. Snow says she wants another baby; David admits to the fact that he can never leave Neverland; Hook says he loves Emma; and Emma confesses that she kinda wanted Baelfire to be for reals dead, because she’s scared of their love. Ugh. They get Baelfire out. Meanwhile, Regina bumps into Gold, and they team up to go back to Storybrooke because Gold has something in his shop that could help them out. And in the Enchanted Forest flashback, Snow is saved from drowning by Ariel while she’s outrunning Queenie’s men. Ariel is pining hard for Prince Eric, and she looks for advice from the supposedly long-gone goddess Ursula. Queenie impersonates her to fool Ariel into swapping Snow’s legs for her tail, but Ariel comes to her senses, gets Snow outta there, and is then cursed to be voiceless by a bitter Queenie.
This apparently means she will never be able to find love. Because mute people don’t exist and are incapable of having relationships. The SJWs will love that.
My only real irk about this episode is the Echo Cave stuff. Hook says it’s so dangerous that he lost half of his men in there. Then our 4 heroes get inside and put in a bare minimum of effort to not only come out alive, but get exactly what they were after.
The only really dark secret was Emma’s. The others were such cop-outs.
Why I hate this episode:
Seriously. Hook’s darkest secret is that he wants to put his dick in Emma? Holy shit, revelation.
Snow’s thing about wanting to have another baby is not a big deal. The other half of hers was that she feels ripped off by not being able to be a proper mother to Emma, which is something we already knew.
David’s darkest secret is something that only happened to him 1 episode ago. Really, David? There’s literally nothing else that you’ve been carrying with you at any other time in your life?
At the start of the episode, Regina tries to train Emma in using magic. After some mild success, Emma simply blows it off because it’s haaaaaaaaaaarrrrd. Bitch, do you know how fucking useful that would be? Holy shit.
Hook only tells Snow and David about Baelfire, and the men decide it’s best to wait a bit before telling Emma. Snow waits about half a scene before blabbing it. The death of democracy in front of our very eyes.
Ariel makes an enormous presumption when she chooses to switch legs4tail with Snow. She says it’s perfect for Snow, because Snow wants to escape Queenie, and what better way to escape than to abandon your entire life and become a different species? That’s cool, right?
Snow also invests a lot of effort in someone she just met, so I think it’s kind of a problem for everyone in the Enchanted Forest.
It turns out the Apparition of Belle that Gold has been seeing is just Shadow messing with him. Come on, Gold. You’re better than that.
Ariel and Snow agree that it’s better for Eric to fall in love with Ariel before he finds out she’s a mermaid who is only on land for 12 hours. What?
Oh, and Real Ursula appears to Queenie through her mirror to threaten her. She’s a gold, CGI monstrosity. Really? You couldn’t have found a decent drag queen anywhere?
But it’s not all bad:
Although, given Maleficent‘s current state, I’m not opposed to a new major villain coming on board.
Queenie gives a thoroughly glamorous rendition of Ursula, though. She looks good as a blonde octopus.
Ariel, while suffering the trademark princess naivete, is kind of sweet. She makes the right choice eventually. By stabbing Queenie in the neck so she can reverse the leg swap and whisk Snow off to safety.
Prince Eric’s plan is to go off adventuring, as far as possibly even Agrabah. Crossover pending?
Ariel is Bree Buckley from Gossip Girl, if your nostalgia sense was tingling.
And the epsisode ends with Regina using the shell (the one Baelfire used to call the squid) to call Ariel to Neverland. Apparently mermaids have the ability to travel between realms, and Ariel is Regina and Gold’s ticket back to Storybrooke. To broker the deal, Regina restores Ariel’s voice and tells her that Eric is in Storybrooke.
Gold gets second best line of the episode just after Ariel turns up. He says mermaids can’t be trusted, but Regina gives him some assurance:
Regina: “We have history together.”
Gold: “Well, that would explain the distasteful look on her face.”
Yes. It does.
Best line of the episode goes to Queenie, who is disappointed in her henchmens’ failure in killing Snow:
Queenie: “Next time you let someone fall to their death, make sure they’re actually dead.”
Henchman: “She looked dead.”
Queenie: “No, death looks more like this!”
The “like this” she refers to is her force-snapping his neck. She’s a gentle dame.
And Ariel has an ironic moment of self-awareness with this one: “I can’t ask him to give up his dream for someone he just met.” She obviously doesn’t apply the same hesitation to Snow’s ability to walk.
Having Gold and Regina teamed up might actually get some results.
Gold says he can’t save Henry because it will mean his death. Regina is like “ain’t nobody gonna kill yo’ ass but me, son.” BFFLs!
Baelfire confirms he does know how to leave Neverland.
Oh, and Snow walks really awkwardly down the stairs when she and Ariel enter Eric’s Under The Sea ball. It’s mesmerising.