The Vampire Diaries Season 5 Episode 5 – TV Review

The Vampire Diaries Katherine dead

“Worth it.” -Katherine

In the spirit of Halloween, it seems as if TVD thought they’d play trick or treat with us.

The trick is that Katherine dies.

The treat is that she doesn’t.

I don’t think I could have handled that, tbh.

TL;DR She’s not dead so everybody calm down. She does find out Prague Chick is her daughter, though; Damon and Silas come up with a plan to swap Silas’ death with Bonnie’s; Elena encounters one of her dead roommate‘s acquaintances; Doctor Evil is evil; Caroline and Tyler break up; Qetsiyah flirts with Stefan.

Bitch doesn’t learn, does she?

A lot’s going on. The most important plot point this episode is the plan Damon comes up with: they need to find the “anchor” to Qetsiyah’s spell on Silas so they can break down the walls to the Other Side and… actually, I’m not sure. I got confused there. The point is, if the plan goes to plan (ah ha!), Silas will die, and he has offered Bonnie to live in exchange for Damon’s help in getting it done. The problem is that Qetsiyah is the only one who knows where the anchor is, except she doesn’t know where it is either. Cue her bizarre appearance at a costume ball so she can find her old necklace among the artifacts on display and use it to track the anchor. She flirts with Stefan, so Silas (having had Damon keep Stefan neck-snapped) impersonates him and uses his powers against her. When she finds out, she fucks his heart up so he effectively dessicates. Oops. To remedy this, Damon fucks over Katherine and feeds her to Silas (he needs to drink all of her blood). But she survives for some reason. Elsewhere, Caroline and Tyler break up because he can’t commit. Elena meets Aaron (David from Melrose Place, Hitcher from Texas Chainsaw), someone from the dead roommate’s past. He also knows Doctor Evil, who himself is doing experiments on Jesse. And Katherine finds out Prague Chick is her daughter from a few hundred years ago.

Named Nadia Petrova. Awkward.

Well, way to bounce back from last episode, TVD. Colour me impressed.

Could that have anything to do with Elena barely being in the episode? Who would possibly think that?

Simply absurd.

Why I hate this episode:

But with the little time she has, she makes sure to be as infuriating as possible. At the end of the episode, Damon lures Katherine to the Salvatore house. When he announces his plans to feed her to Silas, Elena doesn’t do anything. She just stands there and watches as he holds her neck against Silas’ reanimating mouth. Fuck you, Elena. Our “protagonist,” everyone.

Bonnie is still lingering around. As expected.

While I like that Tyler might be finally fucking off for good, I don’t care at all about the relationship drama. Should have gotten all up on Klaus when you had the chance, Caroline.

Damon and Silas’ plan was a bit too complicated for me. Even after Damon spells it out. I think that says more about my comprehension skills than TVD’s writing, but whatever.

Elena and Damon go to the costume ball as Anne Boleyn and Henry VIII. God, could she have picked a less sexy costume? Even Damon’s is more risque. Caroline goes as the most conservative Bonnie from Bonnie and Clyde I’ve ever seen, so it’s disappointing choices all around. Fucking Qetsiyah as a rather unimpressive Cleopatra is the sexiest.

Elena dances with Doctor Evil (whose costume is Dr Jekyll. Because being subtle is for losers) at the party, which I found to be inappropriate for a student/teacher relationship (even though he isn’t her teacher “yet”). I just hate Elena, and everything she does sucks, you know?

Oh, and seriously Damon? Killing Katherine is so not okay.

But it’s not all bad:

It’s a good thing she immediately turns out to not be dead, otherwise this post would have a lot more swearing, and burning effigies of Elena and Damon.

It’s not a bad episode for Katherine all around, actually. She’s an adorable brat while being held hostage by Prague Chick. Later, at a diner, Prague Chick feeds Katherine some bogus story about how she turned herself into a vampire to hunt her because Katherine is responsible for her mother’s death. Katherine clues into the crazy and stabs her, then legs it. Later still, Katherine goes back to find out the truth, and it’s not so far from the story: Katherine did kill her mother. Because Katherine killed herself. Aww.

Tyler says he can’t be with Caroline anymore because their relationship only exists because Klaus allows it. I revel in his emasculation.

Equally, Caroline can’t support his vendetta, so she says they’re done. Good. Now you can get some black vampire dick.

Doctor Evil is keeping Jesse in a transition state to test how long it can last for or something. He implies that he’s done this many times before. And with Jesse’s promising results, he’s a perfect candidate for something. I want to know.

Doctor Evil is Aaron’s legal guardian. Revelations, plz.

Best line of the episode goes to Stefan (amnesia has done wonders for his personality). Upon coming up to him at the ball, Qetsiyah realises he doesn’t remember her. Stefan is glib: “No offence, but I actually have no idea who a lot of people are.” Way to play your mental illness as a strength.

Katherine is a touch away with her question after she comes to, thinking she’s died: “Am I in hell?” Well, you’re in a house with Damon and Elena. So yeah.

And Damon refers to Doctor Evil as “Professor Blondie.” That was my second choice of nickname for him.

Bonnie is actually opposed to the Damon/Silas plan. Showing sense for once, huh? Bonus points for Jeremy lying and saying she’s cool with it.

Doctor Evil tells Elena and her friends to fuck off from the college because he knows what they are. I was wondering how they’d get everyone back to Mystic Falls.

Oh, and Damon is uncharacteristically touchy-feely with Stefan. Better keep the shippers happy.

The Vampire Diaries Stefan Damon Halloween

Replace Stefan with Silas, and there’s really not an issue.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

5 responses to “The Vampire Diaries Season 5 Episode 5 – TV Review”

  1. Amadan says :

    i loved this episode!
    first of all because of catherine. that’s it, she is the best character on the show and i’m still surprised the same actress make me believe she is a different person. i don’t know if it is her skill in acting or the good writing, but totally works for me. i hope we discover she became silas style immortal because of the cure so she can bitch the world around again, we all deserve it!
    nice story with nadia petrova, i didn’t see this coming!

    oh as a side note i came to you to have some enlightment about demon’s plan, but it appears we are too beauty to be geek… i can’t figure it out, all this other side and qetsyah revenge plan and swapping death. i think i need a graphic to understand it.

    i hate elena too. and love stephen new personality, i hope he keep it when he’ll have his memory back, i’m done with his grimm attitude.

    caroline is finally single, it means she will be back at her best again, this relationship with tyler stuck her way too long. he is hot and everything, i know, but this should have ended earlier.

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: