Ravenswood Season 1 Episode 2 – TV Review

Ravenswood Caleb Hanna

“What do you mean ‘not until January?'”

And by “Ravenswood,” I mean Ravenswood the show.

Ravenswood the town isn’t a barrel of fun, either.

TL;DR Any hope that the supernatural stuff might not actually be supernatural has been dashed; Miranda is dead; Olivia and Luke have some spousal dramas; Remy’s dad is a dick; Caleb has no real reason to be there.

Like he ever did? Pfft.

So we’re picking up after last episode’s car crash, and despite my assumptions, someone does in fact die. That someone is Miranda. But Caleb can still see her ghost or something, and he spends most of his time in the episode trying to contact her. When he eventually does, she seems to be aware of her predicament. And she’s stuck in her Uncle’s house for some reason, which totally isn’t at all knocking off American Horror Story’s first season (it isn’t. The rules were different. I’m just being a jerk). Meanwhile, Remy (Lady Afro) is scolded by her fuckwit of a dad for being involved with Luke, but she carries on anyway. She continues looking into the whole “5 kids dying after a sole surviving soldier returns to town” thing, but with no real progress. Meanwhile, Luke shows Olivia a letter their dad wrote which makes their mum look pretty suss for his murder. Olivia tears it up, but her loyalty wavers. And she has some chicky spat with her blonde friend.

Luckily for her, Blondie doesn’t have any buckets of paint lying around.

I know we’re only on episode 2, but holy fuck Ravenswood is banal.

My worst fears have been confirmed with little miss Miranda ghost showing up. I hope to god that the show gives some caveat about how supernatural things can only happen within Ravenswood, thus sparing Rosewood the embarrassment.

And, like, seriously, nothing happens. We find out Miranda is dead in the first few minutes, then nothing else of importance transpires for the rest of the episode.

It’s making The Tomorrow People look like a fucking rich tapestry by comparison.


Why I hate this episode:

Olivia’s subplot is unbelievably self-righteous and stupid. It turns out she won Homecoming Queen, so she has to take some photos for the year book or something, which her blonde friend is organising. While she’s getting ready, she spies Blondie’s phone, which has just received a message. She sees a photo of Blondie embracing the bully Luke’s been dealing with (he’s been a wanker to the whole family, really). Olivia’s response is to storm off the photo shoot and have a big bitch at Blondie about who she can and cannot see.

Olivia’s storm off ends in her haughtily handing over the tiara to Blondie. Blondie puts it on like she won, so Ravenswood is clearly trying to tell us that Blondie is a meanie and Olivia is a victim. Fuck that. Blondie can date whoever she wants. Who the hell does Olivia think she is?

Remy’s dad couldn’t be more obviously evil if he tried.

Caleb honestly has no reason to be around. Grunwald convinces Uncle to allow him to stay with them until after Miranda’s funeral in a couple of days. But he barely knew her. The police officer points out that fact very clearly earlier in the episode. Just go home to Hanna, dickhead.

I’m already tired of the “vague spookiness makes random objects jitter” stuff.

Oh, and Remy is attacked by the slowly elevating power window of doom. Are you fucking kidding?


But it’s not all bad:

Caleb and Remy break into a junkyard to get Miranda’s bag from Remy’s wrecked car. On the way out, they’re chased by a dog. In a nice show of gender equality, Caleb doesn’t indulge chivalry, as he totally legs it over the fence first. Luke has to save Remy from the dog, but I applaud Ravenswood’s effort not to be chauvinistic.

Luke rightfully points out that Caleb is just some random and Remy shouldn’t be doing risky things with him. True.

I’m happy that the show had the balls to fucking off one of the main characters in the second episode. Having her still around as a ghost or whatever was on the cards, so I’m not gonna call it a cop-out. This time.

I can definitely see Luke and Olivia’s mum as a murderer. Olivia asks her later about whether her marriage was on the rocks and if there was any cheating involved. Mama Matheson is reluctant to give any answers. I like it.

Uncle and Grunwald seem to be aware of the curse.

Luke almost chokes under a heavy benchpress when a spooky force causes mischief. However, Bully Boy and Olivia’s boyfriend were also around at the time. More murder would be nice.

Oh, and Uncle prepares Miranda’s body for burial himself. I lol’d.

Ravenswood Miranda dead mortician

These are the things I think about.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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