Revenge Season 3 Episode 5 – TV Review

Revenge Victoria Aiden shirtless pool

Stealth ogling is not Revenge’s strong suit.

If you like man bods and dudes kissing, then Revenge is the place to be this season.

I am on board.

TL;DR Aiden has crazy jealousy issues; Emily fixes things with Daniel; Margot gets her claws into Jack; Patrick is the one who sabotaged Conrad’s car; Victoria convinces Charlotte to take the fall for Patrick.

Yay, Charlotte is useful again.

There’s a lot going on this episode, so try to keep up. Victoria wants to prevent Emily and Daniel’s wedding from going ahead, and wants to use Jack to cause tension. She feeds Emily (sort of) misinformation about Conrad wanting to destroy Jack, hoping Emily will choose warning Jack over going to Daniel and Margot’s magazine launch party. Emily totally does, but Aiden, having overcome some psycho-leaning jealousy issues, falsely reports to Victoria that Emily didn’t go. Daniel is still pissed off at Emily, so she has to open up a bit about her past to get the wedding back on track. She does. It is. Meanwhile, Emily and Aiden find out that Patrick cut Conrad’s brakes, and Aiden lets Victoria know. Victoria convinces Charlotte to take the fall so Conrad will bury it from the police. Meanwhile, Margot gets all up on Jack (Emily sees it and is jealous). And Patrick continues to get up on Nolan.

And, if all goes well, up in Nolan.

You know, I didn’t think I’d want to see Emily on the back foot. But I will admit it’s refreshing to see her having to scramble to keep things in place. She looks good when she’s in control, but she’s more compelling when she’s not.

Aiden, on the other hand, apparently doesn’t know anything about control (which is the episode’s title, btw). His jealousy is epic. I don’t trust him to have Emily’s back with the Graysons at all.


Why I hate this episode:

Something that made me really go “wtf” was the fact that Jack and Aiden apparently don’t know each other. At the very least, Jack didn’t recognise Aiden at all (Aiden came to scare him into fleeing town). If anyone could help me out on this, please do.

Daniel is taking his whole job at Voulez (the magazine) very seriously. He’s like “I’m doing this so we can have a future, Emily.” First of all, print magazines? No. Second of all, since when did Daniel give a shit about his job, let alone some shitty magazine he barely knew about until 5 seconds ago.

Bonus demerits because he uses Emily’s lateness to the launch party as bitching fuel. Shutup, Daniel. You’re not even as hot as Aiden or Jack. What are you even doing in this show?

Margot doesn’t care that Jack is greatly averse to seeing Daniel. What an insensitive colleague.

And Madame Self-Made Woman is extremely hurt when daddy refuses to come to the launch party because he thinks the magazine’s debut issue is trash. I thought you were a strong, independent French woman who don’t need no parental help?

Conrad spends most of his time this episode on a mission to win Charlotte back (by exposing Jack as the saboteur). Yet when Charlotte says it was her who tried to fucking kill him, he’s like “s’okay.” I don’t think a child who tried to murder you is worth having around, Connie.

Oh, and Charlotte wears a shitty purple dress and boring hair to the party.


But it’s not all bad:

Her dress for the wedding, which she tries on this episode, is fucking great, though. I think “purple n’ bun” were just a passing crisis.

After indulging his craziness for most of the episode, Aiden comes around and he and Emily reaffirm their love. Maybe he can stop being such a fucking freak show from now on.

Jack is a turd to Emily as well, but he’s got a better reason for it. He’s still disgusted that the little girl he knew at the beach all those years ago has turned into the Revenginator he knows now. Emily seems to take his criticism to heart. Aww.

Emily is smart when she tells Daniel about her past. She is vague enough so that she isn’t lying. And it works, because he reverses his objection to the wedding after his party tantrum. Good.

Victoria is still woman on top this episode. She manages to overturn the directions Conrad gave to Aiden (Conrad wants to fuck Jack up, Victoria wants to keep him around to fuck up Emily). And she almost gets away with her scheme to have Emily ditch the party to see Jack. Well, she did, but she doesn’t know that.

She does get away with her ploy to have Charlotte take the fall for Patrick. Charlotte’s only agreeing to it because she still thinks Jack is in danger from Conrad’s wrath. Victoria is one slinky bitch.

Patrick knows Nolan went to dig dirt from his ex-wife, but that apparently isn’t a dealbreaker for their relationship. Obviously whatever she could have told Nolan isn’t too bad. I still wanna know what she said, though.

Patrick tells Nolan that Victoria knows that he’s gay, but later when Victoria offers to set him up with someone. Patrick plays things careful with the non-gendered pronoun game to tell her he’s already met someone. Intrigue.

They also kiss again, and the ensuing sex seems fairly definite.

Victoria takes some time to gloat earlier in the episode about Conrad’s fractured relationship with Charlotte.

She also seems genuinely horrified when Aiden informs her of who cut the brakes. She’s a complex cunt.

Charlotte gets best line at the launch party. Daniel hands her a non-alcoholic drink as she’s underaged. She wistfully eyes a platter of champagne glasses: “I miss Europe.” Come down to Australia, baby. I’ll get maggoted with you.

Oh, and Jack seems more buff every episode. Not that I’m complaining.

Revenge Jack shirtless hot Carl

Does anyone else feel that Aiden never stood a chance?

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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