Pretty Little Liars Season 4 Episode 13 – TV Review

PLL Halloween Alison I'm back bitches

The line always belonged to her.

Hanna Fashionistard Counter:
Divine. Really.
Our count is now 8 I hate, 5 are great.

The outfits are better than last year, Alison is finally revealed, and there’s a mausoleum hidden passageway mystery.

Unfortunately, it’s also a backdoor pilot for Ravenswood. And PLL does it far less gracefully than TVD.

TL;DR The Ravenswood stuff is pointless and redundant considering the actual Ravenswood pilot is also out today; the girls’ running around is time-wasting; the only significant event it Alison’s reveal at the very end.

You didn’t think things could be more absurd than an Adam Lambert ghost train, but you were wrong.

The plot picks up immediately after last episode‘s, with the Liars getting dressed up for a Ravenswood ball in a graveyard. They’re on the lookout for Alison, which leads them into a tunnel system under Ravenswood. They get split up a little bit, but all end up in a creepy mansion. After some unimpressive “scares” and a run-in with EzrA (in costume, natch), they are disappointed to find they’ve only been chasing after a recording of Alison’s voice that Grunwald, who is the mansion’s caretaker, recorded during one of their sessions. Defeated, they are given a ride by Ezra back to Rosewood, where they finally corner Red Coat. Who is Alison. Ezra spooks her before anything meaningful can be said. Meanwhile, Caleb chats to Miranda, one of Ravenswood’s main characters, on the bus. They too encounter spookiness. The mansion turns out to belong to her uncle, and with Hanna’s urging, Caleb stays behind in Ravenswood to help Miranda out or something.

I don’t know what that’s about, either.

The Ravenswood (the show, not the town) stuff really drags things down. We spend way too much time fluffing about with Miranda and her family angst, and not enough time seeing the Liars run around in pretty outfits while in serious danger.

Last year’s Halloween episode had Garrett getting murdered and Alison’s body (well, maybe not, hey?) turning up in a drink cooler. The Halloween episode from season 2 had Lady Gaga outfits, Alison pretending to be murdered, and the first real instance of Alison herself receiving messages from A.

This year all we got was an old house and a tape recording.

Great dresses, though.

 

Why I hate this episode:

Way too much Ravenswood stuff. Ravenswood is not gonna last. You know it. I know it. ABC Family knows it. PLL doesn’t need that pollution. It’s struggling to remain plausible as it is.

Gas Mask (presumably Ezra, because it’s the same outfit he had on) doesn’t do enough. All he does is make a lame effort to attack Spencer. And Hanna sees him attack Alison through fogged glass. Obviously Gas Mask isn’t very good at attacking people, because neither of them wind up injured.

The greatest peril Emily and Aria face is when a broken window pane almost falls on them. Omg so scary.

I still don’t get what Caleb is actually supposed to be doing for/with Miranda. Her uncle wasn’t around when she went to his house, so Caleb wants to be her bodyguard or something for when she does catch Uncle. Having watched the Ravenswood premiere, I can tell you this doesn’t get any more sensible.

Miranda tries to steal a bag of chips from a creepy guy on the bus. Rude.

Miranda is the annoying sister from Beauty & the Beast. Ew.

Hanna’s major peril is getting stuck in a phone booth inside the mansion. Even Ashley Benson has a hard time making that look scary.

Oh, and along with offering her boyfriend’s services, Hanna also offers Miranda to stay at her house if she ever needs it. Bitch, you just met this girl. Inside a creepy mansion. That is connected to a graveyard. You’d think the Liars would be a bit more skeptical at this point in their lives.

 

But it’s not all bad:

The dresses sure are nice. Hanna’s is the best, with Emily’s stylised suit dress a close second. Aria’s is a bit scene-y, and Spencer’s isn’t very exciting, but they do look very good in them. Touché, ladies. Snaps all ’round.

And of course, Alison is out and proud, baby. She’s here. No more dreams. No more “only appearing when everyone is either passed out or suffering from smoke inhalation.” Alison is alive. And she wants to come home. But she’s deathly afraid, and that’s apparently of Ezra.

Grunwald uses her psychic powers to say that either Emily, Spencer or Aria has been touched by the one Alison fears the most. I’m assuming that’s a reference to Aria and Ezra’s sexual history. Tee hee.

Miranda’s one saving grace is that she’s helpful. She frees Hanna from the phone booth and helps reunite her with Caleb. That’s gotta count for something.

She and Caleb, as part of the mystery arc for Ravenswood, find gravestones with their names and faces in the cemetery. They’re over 100 years old, though.

Miranda also finds a funeral program for the creepy guy they saw on the bus. Uncle is a mortician. What is going on?

Best line goes to Aria, surprisingly. She, Spencer and Emily have just found the passage from the tunnels into the mansion: “What kind of zoning laws does this town have?” So the snark.

Miranda accidentally describes me when she’s talking about her foster mother: “She’s the kind who opens up a bottle of vodka and throws away the cap.” Is that not okay?

Emily and Aria’s near-guillotining was cute. Dumb, but cute. Just like Aria herself, then.

Spencer and Aria assume Emily, out of the 3 of them, would be most qualified to change a tyre. I lol’d.

Spencer manages to cut Gas Mask’s hand, so I guess we should be on the lookout to see if Ezra has the same cut.

The one thing Alison does say to the Liars is to remember what she told Hanna at the hospital. That was back in fucking season 1, but here it is. Ominous.

Oh, and Hanna is super fine this episode. Only one outfit, and that’s all she needs. Exquisite.

PLL Halloween dresses Ravenswood ball

Putting some all caps text over it isn’t an issue, though.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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