The Vampire Diaries Season 5 Episode 2 – TV Review

The Vampire Diaries Katherine human hungover

That’s what happens when you lose your alcohol tolerance.

Oh, Katherine. You really are living my life.

If my life involved getting hunted down by an improbably lucky army of Silas goons.

TL;DR Silas puts the pressure on his search for Katherine; Elena leaves college only 1 episode after arriving; Matt and Jeremy play bodyguards and captors to Katherine; Bonnie informs Matt of her death, but it doesn’t stick, because magic.

Suffer, bitch.

The major point of the plot this week is Silas stepping up his hunt for Katherine. He’s got his little army of Mystic Falls residents on the lookout, and they almost get lucky a couple of times. Even luckier for Katherine, though, is Matt and Jeremy finding her and trying to keep her out of Silas’ clutches. Matt gets killed for a little bit and wanders the Other Side with Bonnie, but forgets everything once he revives (thanks, resurrection ring). Elsewhere, Silas goes to college and mind controls Elena for info on Jeremy’s location (to find Katherine), and also instructs her to kill Damon. Naturally, she overcomes this. By thinking about how much she cares about Stefan. Awkward. Carolyn and Elena come into contact with a professor/doctor who seems to know about Grayson and vampires etc. And Carolyn flirts with that black guy from last episode as some kind of petty revenge for Tyler’s absence.

Nobody ever said Carolyn was reasonable.

While most of the action is solid, I’m a bit worried that TVD seems to be going down the road of humanising Katherine (more than physically). No, thanks. She’s been a remorseless cuntface for 4 seasons. And that’s why we love her.

It’s good to see she’s still resourceful as a depowered, puny human, though.


Why I hate this episode:

We’re also back to the stupid Stefan/Damon/Elena love triangle/indecision bullshit. Again. Silas mind warps Elena to trigger homicidal when she gets mad. She ties Damon up and almost kills him, and the only thing Damon knows that will overpower Elena emotionally is thinking about how much she cares about Stefan. Bro, if your girlfriend’s greatest emotional response is to her ex-boyfriend, who is also your brother, your relationship is on extremely borrowed time. Elena and Damon are both in denial about this, too. Pathetic.

Carolyn is a bit too bratty about the Tyler situation. Yeah, Tyler sucks. We know. But not even a day or so after his deferral and she’s already inches away from macking on hot black guys. That’s a skank-ass move, honey.

That new professor/doctor guy is a brusque little queen, isn’t he? Then he’s all nice to Elena later when he realises who she is. And for extra stupidity, Elena blows off having a talk with him about her dad so she can go babysit Jeremy back in Mystic Falls. Priorities.

During the bonfire party establishing shots, Ellie Goulding’s Burn plays. So clever!

All the Matt/Bonnie stuff I could have done without. While we do get some insight into what happens inbetween death/resurrection, it’s all rendered moot anyway because Matt forgets once he wakes up. So essentially, the subplot is just a sooky wank for Bonnie, and you know how much I love that kind of thing.

Oh, and it looks like 3 months of starvation might have put Stefan back in ripper mode. Liz finds the box he was trapped in, but inside is just a dead guy, and Stefan is MIA. Because Ripper Stefan was just so much fun, we had to have him back.


But it’s not all bad:

But if it was still mopey, pussy-whipped Stefan, I would definitely be bemoaning that, too. I am the eternal malcontent.

Katherine is the best thing about this episode. As per usual. At the beginning of the episode she stumbles out of the woods and flags down a motorist. Oh no, it’s a Silas slave. Katherine gets maced in the face but still manages to beat the bitch off.

Later, she starts coming down with a cold. She whinges about how, after all the shit she’s survived though, she’s being defeated by a sinus infection. She is glorious.

And despite never having handled a gun before, she manages to shoot Silas before he can kill Jeremy. She’s still got it.

Damon gets best line of the episode when Jeremy informs him that Matt is the one who found Katherine: “Huh. How shockingly useful.” Everyone’s thoughts exactly.

He also gets second best line when having a verbal slapfight with Silas. Silas says he can’t fathom why Elena likes Damon so much. Damon: “That’s because you haven’t had sex with me.” It’s kinda flirtatious, and is probably the closest thing we’ll ever get to Salvatore sexual tension. I’m still holding out for the Jeremy/Katherine drunk hook-up that exists in my dreams.

Bonnie’s angst is boring, but her pain is a source of nourishment for me.

During Elena’s tie-up torture, Damon holds some of the vervain water Elena is forcing him to drink in his mouth, then spits it on her. It’s kinda awesome.

The professor/doctor is rumoured to be a member of a secret society.

When you die with the resurrection ring on, you actually have to traverse the Other Side and physically search for your body to come back to life. I think that’s a nice little additon to the lore.

The mind fuck that Prague Skank performed on Matt makes him immune to Silas’ powers.

Prague Skank and her male cronie confront an injured Silas near the end of the episode. They claim their mission (Silas calls them Travellers) is to re-entomb Silas, but she abruptly stabs her partner in the neck and tells Silas she has her own agenda.

The episode’s title is “True Lies.” I love True Lies.

Oh, and there’s some more strange sexual tension. During their fight, Jeremy choke holds Silas from behind. This is already pretty hot, but then Silas impales himself to impale Jeremy. The subtext is insane.

The Vampire Diaries Silas Jeremy fight

There’s penetration, and Silas is doing sex-pout. I know what’s really going on here.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

5 responses to “The Vampire Diaries Season 5 Episode 2 – TV Review”

  1. Amadan says :

    we got a lot of gay sex tension after all^^

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