Once Upon a Time Season 3 Episode 2 – TV Review

Once Upon a Time Regina Evil Queen

Done and done.

It’s back to flashbacks this week, and we go all the way back. Back to the very first episode.

Nothing of value happens, of course. But at least Queenie gets to wear a darling frock.

So it isn’t a complete waste, you know?

TL;DR The flashback means nothing; Gold faces some personal demons; Emma does, too; and Pan is just generally a prancing jerk.

And no Henry. Hallelujah.

So we’re picking up wth our heroes (Regina, Emma, Snow, David, Hook) as they continue their trek through Neverland to find Henry. Pan shows up and gives Emma a map to find him, but only if she comes to some important realisation about herself. Being not a wanky dick, Regina gets impatient and cheats, which leads to a Lost Boys ambush. Damn. Emma later figures out what she needs to (that she’s still mad at her parents or something) and they get on their way. David is secretly suffering from a fatal injury, though. I don’t really care. And in Enchanted Forest flashback, we see Queenie antagonise a recently-resurrected Snow. Snow leans towards taking Regina’s offer of exile, so Charming steps in and fakes an Excalibur so Snow can instil herself with a false sense of confidence.

The true path to building your girlfriend’s self-esteem is by patronising her and lying aggressively. Thanks, ABC.

My only biggie with this episode is the “discover yourself” tripe with the Emma plot line. It’s made especially frustrating by showing us how dangerous Regina’s pragmatism is. Taking a sensible approach to a problem you’re at an impass with = ambush and poison arrows.

Gosh, Once Upon a Time is just filled with important life lessons this episode.

 

Why I hate this episode:

It also means Regina incurs another failure for essentially doing the right and smartest thing. It never ends.

David and Hook have some macho bullshit tussle for alpha male of the group. Despite the fact that Hook actually has experience with Neverland, David’s approach turns out to be effective, as well. And Hook even acknowledges it. Villains can’t catch a break.

Emma misses multiple opportunities to kick the shit out of Pan. I know, he’s probably magic and omnipotent, but she doesn’t even try. Just take a swing, lady. Give it a go.

Also, what the fuck? Pan just gives Emma a map to Henry. How about you, I don’t know, just kill her and the gang? You don’t need them. You need the heart of the truest believer, and you’ve already got Henry. I suspect the situation will be revealed to be more complex than that, but going on the information we have right now, it’s frustrating. I’m as impatient as Regina, apparently.

I’m not sure exactly what the deal with Belle was. She shows up in Neverland and has a chit chat with Gold, but says she’s a vision that he created, which comes as a surprise to him. Obviously just an excuse to give Emilie de Ravin some obligatory screen time.

Gold is being even more pussified, btw. His subplot is about him trying to let go of his fear that he’s a coward, just like his father. Daddy issues go away, plz.

Oh, and Queenie bemoans how her attempts to kill and curse Snow have failed, so she won’t try anymore (she also wants to keep Snow alive so she can live through the suffering Queenie intends to inflict, but stay with me). Yet during this exact scene, she demonstrates that she can strangle Charming with a flick of her wrist. Just send a boulder crashing onto Snow or something. Put a decent effort in. Don’t be lazy. Leave that for Emma.

 

But it’s not all bad:

Lazy as she is, Emma still has some fighting spirit in her. She is almost consumed by bloodlust while fighting off the Lost Boys ambush. Now if only she could put that to use on Pan himself.

And still, speaking of Emma’s questionable approach to achieving things, the sheriff election is brought up briefly. When going through things she is/has accomplished to try and decipher the map, Emma brings up winning sheriff. Regina gets best line of the episode: “That election was a sham.” Glad to see someone is holding that grudge along with me.

Queenie gets second best line with her disapproval of Charming. To Snow: “Are you really gonna marry that?” I think Charming is probably good for a root, but that’s it.

Gold uses some magic to turn his shadow into an entity to whom he gives the mission of hiding his dagger (even away from his own knowledge). So I guess the Peter Pan/Shadow question has been answered: Shadow is, similarly, a concoction of Pan’s to do some dirty work.

Later, we see a wide shot of Gold and he lacks a shadow. Yeah, they use CGI to do it (and it’s pretty obvious), but damn, that’s some good continuity.

Even though it fucked up, you gotta give Regina points to using the locator spell on the map and actually getting something done.

David gets shot by a Lost Boy arrow that’s laced with poison. He doesn’t tell anyone he’s hurt, though. Good. Now shut up and die.

The dwarves call Charming a golddigger. I lol’d.

Gold is considering letting Pan keep Henry, so he can avoid the prophecy about Henry being his downfall. Sadly, he’s trying to overcome this. Pfft.

Although Charming went to Rumple for a way to change Snow’s mind, Rumple didn’t give or tell him anything (he thought Queenie’s exile offer was pretty good, actually). When Snow calls Rumple to find out what Charming owes him for the deets on Excalibur, Rumple informs her about the ruse. Then steals Snow’s necklace for wasting his time. Bitch fabulous.

Hook and Emma continue to flirt.

After Emma figures out the map, Pan drops in to congratulate her. And to tell her she clearly hasn’t forgive her parents for abandoning her. And that Henry hasn’t forgiven Emma for doing the same thing. And that he intends to have Emma leave Neverland as an orphan once again. Now deliver, Peter.

Oh, and I love how duped Snow was in the flashback. She really thinks she’s all powerful and special, but nuh. So satisfying.

Once Upon a Time Excalibur sword in the stone Snow Charming

Tee hee.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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