Glee Season 5 Episode 2 – TV Review
Great, Demi Lovato is here.
Because Glee has always had that washed up Disney star vibe, and now they can make it legit.
In unrelated news, I don’t know why I hate Demi Lovato so much, either.
TL;DR Demi is Santana’s new love interest; Rachel gets the part; Tina gets Carrie’d at prom; Sam falls in love with an incompetent nurse.
And Kitty’s prom dress suuuuuuuuuucks. But you’ll find out why.
The major plot this episode focuses on prom at McKinley. Tina is nominated for prom queen, and promptly goes into bitch mode in a bid to stay relevant. Kitty, bizarrely, sees this as an opportunity to do something nice and, despite also being nominated, campaigns for Tina. Bree don’t like this none, son, and schemes against Tina (she wants a Cheerio to be prom queen). This culminates in a bucket of red slushie getting dumped on Tina at the crowning. After some pep-talking, she goes back out and has a grand time. Just like Kurt did. Meanwhile, Sam becomes infatuated with a nurse who’s doing vaccinations at the school. And over in New York, Santana makes goo-goo eyes at fellow waitress Dani (Demi); Kurt starts working at the restaurant; and Rachel gets the Funny Girl lead.
Much like last week, I’m not as offended by this episode as I expected to be (Glee makes me prepare for the worst). Maybe they really are saving all the schmaltz and forced melodrama for next week’s Finn tribute. Dear god…
Oh, and clearly, my major problem with this episode would be that it’s a Tina-heavy episode. No, thank you.
Why I hate this episode:
It’s also Sam-heavy, and that’s not a good time for anyone. The stupid subplot about him finding yet another love interest is dumb as fuck. It’s made worse by the fact that she’s a trainee nurse, which means she’s a college girl. And nobody finds it yucky that a college girl is showing an interest in a high school boy who is also a patient at the school she works at. Because sexual predation only works if the man is older, right?
Kitty’s characterisation is all over the fucking place. Anyone who is pathetic enough to help Tina at their own expense is a moron (hi, Sam).
Speaking of Sam being a moron, he’s the one who volunteered enthusiastically to take Tina to the prom last episode. Then this week he’s all down about how he doesn’t wanna anymore. Then after she fucks him off, he gets upset because getting fucked off by a fat cunt like that has bruised his ego. Choose one complaint and stick to it, Trouty Mouth.
The Dani thing comes out of nowhere. Santana has one stroll home with her, and then they’re official. I know there’s the joke about lesbians moving fast, but damn.
Tina’s reaction to being Carrie’d isn’t crazy enough.
Kitty’s prom dress is some puffy pink nightmare (with matching, crap hair). I was wondering why they’d saddle her with something so abysmal, but then she offered it to Tina to replace her slushied dress, and it all made sense. Kitty deserves better clothes than this.
Bree’s plan is flawed from the beginning. All she wants is for a Cheerio to be prom queen, which is why she goes crazy in trying to get Kitty elected. However, out of the 4 nominees, 3 of them were Cheerios. And one of them was Neckbrace Cheerio. She could have beaten Tina.
Bree, despite her most strained efforts, isn’t even close to the level of sassiness that Santana was. Conversely, Unique is still trying way too hard to be a sassy black woman. If Unique could give Bree some of his, I feel like it could balance out.
Oh, and seriously, fuck Kurt’s singing voice. Goddamit I can’t take any more.
But it’s not all bad:
Blaine is one of the prom king nominees, and he doesn’t win. Holy shit.
Tina’s original dress is pretty cool. And she looks a bit orright in Kitty’s pink one. It was obviously made to fit her, not Kitty.
Sam’s ego is bruised because he feels he’s too good to get passed over by Tina. Which implies that Tina is, like, gross and stuff. Which she is.
Santana reveals that she booked a commercial for a yeast infection treatment. This is good for 2 reasons: 1) we are shown the full commercial, which is delightfully similar to the real kind of thing; and 2) Rachel almost has an aneurysm while trying to contain her jealousy. Rachel’s world-crippling envy is what I’ve always loved about her.
Rachel gets the Funny Girl lead part. Good.
Dani isn’t as intrusive and guest-starry as I thought she might be. Good. Demi also looks pretty cute, but she definitely should avoid wearing the same outfit next to Santana. You don’t wanna compare thighs with Naya Rivera.
Tina’s slave/assistant gets best line when she’s handing out Tina’s voting pamphlets: “Tina for prom queen: don’t be racist.” Ah, the Obama tactic.
Tina’s a close second with this proclamation about 5 seconds after hearing she’s a prom queen nominee: “This is my chance to be bigger than Jesus.” A fat joke here would be too easy.
Sue is impressed with Bree’s attack on Tina and encourages her to keep up the heat.
Unique, Ryder, Jake and Marley are hilariously relegated to being moving wallpaper this episode. I approve.
Oh, and I can project my Mikkayla hatred onto Tina. It’s so satisfying.