The Bachelor Australia: I’m Bach, Bitches – Blog

The Bachelor Australia Danielle

One of life’s many mysteries.

Yes, I’m still watching it.

Yes, I am ashamed.

I thought I’d just take this opportunity to check in. We’re down to our final 9, and you know how much I love judging reality show contestants. So here we go.

Anna
Anna is still my favourite. She’s pretty, she’s nice, she’s goofy. And if Channel 10 is to be believed, she’s a lawyer. She’s got it all. She was also tipped by an eliminated Belle to be one of the 2 top choices for Tim to end up with.

Rochelle
Rochelle is my second favourite, and I’m not alone. She’s the other girl Belle tipped, and an eliminated Alana tells Tim that Rochelle is the one, too. She’s a model, and when she wears too much makeup, she’s got an unfortunate plastic look going on. But she’s pretty chill.

Natalie
Natalie, on the other hand, looks plastic all the time. Because she is. At 34, she’s one of the oldest contestants in the show, and her overworked face clearly shows her insecurity. If it weren’t for looking like a PVC abomination, she would be instantly forgettable.

Katherine
Speaking of being forgettable, who is she?

Emily
Same thing. I only remember her as “Baby Jocelyn Wildenstein.”

Sarah
Sarah was the first contestant to get a 1-on-1 date with Tim, but has subsequently evaporated from the show. She only turns up periodically to be young and pretty, but she’s been totally overshadowed by even fucking Natalie. Next.

Penny
Penny is only memorable because she constantly complains about getting left out. Luckily, she didn’t complain directly to Tim. Alana and Belle made that mistake. I’d say she’s the most fun of the bunch, but she’s not vapid enough to win a show like The Bachelor. It’s a compliment.

Ali
Still the most gorgeous contestant, Ali has proven a bit of a disappointment in backing up her clinger meltdown in the early stages. She fainted on the steps one time, but that only proves she’s weak. Start a catfight or something. Reclaim your psycho throne.

Danielle
My least favourite, and probably the most likely to actually start a catfight. I know it’s absurd to think a show as hollow as The Bachelor has any spirit or reality, but Danielle seems the least concerned with actually finding love. I think she just wants to win for the sake of it. Should have gone to Big Brother, baby.

 

Obviously Anna or Rochelle would be my choice to win. They’re my favourites. You picked that up, didn’t you?

If I had to guess who was most likely to win, I’d unfortunately have to go with Ali or Danielle at this point. Tim seems to have an arrow in his heart for Danielle’s aloof bitchiness. That’s the kinda thing that turns me on, too, but you don’t build a relationship with it.

Ali is the prettiest, and is clearly willing to do anything Tim would ask of her. I wouldn’t be disappointed if she won, but like Danielle, I think Tim would be better off having a quickie with her and choosing someone who isn’t a ticking time bomb of obsession.

The Bachelor Australia Rochelle

Hmm, maybe Rochelle isn’t so innocuous, either.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

27 responses to “The Bachelor Australia: I’m Bach, Bitches – Blog”

  1. louise says :

    Yes Danielle is a nasty smug little thing, but in the end the whole show is completely sickening – however like you I’m strangely obsessed with it. I can’t believe how a woman can be heart broken by a man who makes so little effort and is so boring.. He’s bonkable but thats all. Most of them know this man only as well as a passing acquaintence and yet are heart broken when they aren’t chosen. Lucky them I say. Enjoy your free holiday and free frocks and be glad you don’t have to get caught up in all the other nonsense. Are all these wtartomen completely mental? PS Ali is eye catching but she looks so often like a startled rabbit caught in the headlights that I’ve gone off her. I’m betting on none of them. He’ll make a choice for the sake of the show and but it won’t last. He’s the sort of guy that likes a chase and he’ll never be able to forget that he got the winner from a harem. Now when’s the Bachelorette starting?

    • ijusthateeverything says :

      Rochelle would make a good Bachelorette because she seems (or at the very least, can act) genuine.

      But I think if Ali doesn’t win this, they’d pick her for The Bachelorette. Because she is stunning, even if most of the time she does simply look stunned.

    • Gina says :

      Danielle is a joke. She is so nasty and so self centred. What is wrong with Tim who ever that he can’t see that?

      And what is with these girls thanking him, every time he asks them to come for a walk. it is sickening.

      • M Smith says :

        So agree with you about Danielle – she’s a bitch. But he doesn’t seem to see through her at all – more fool him. If he does choose her, he deserves what he gets. They should show him all the footage of her making all those bitchy comments about everyone else on the show – maybe he’ll see through her then.

  2. Linda Jean Sutherland says :

    Tim wants so bad to jump Danielle & then make all the remaining girls flirt their arses of

  3. Linda Jean Sutherland says :

    I like Ali but she seems a little obsessed & it shows poor girl

  4. Steph says :

    Thank you so much for the Jocelyn Wildenstein comment, Ive been saying it all along! but my BoyF (who is forced into watching the show with me) has no idea who she is! at least once an episode up until now, weve both kinda gone “whos that” at least once a rose ceremony! I am also embaressed to watch but its to entertaining to stop now!

  5. George says :

    Ali is hot & great in bed, up against a tree, over the lounge, on the floor.

  6. maxine morris says :

    Well, turns out you you are psychic! So was Belle and Alana. Hehee! I honestly would love Rochelle to win, but I think Tim’s personality would be handled better by Anna. She comes across as the type not to be walked over. I’m glad Ali went home, she was a danger to herself, came across too desperate. It seemed she wud do anything for Tim, actually said so herself at some point if I’m not mistaken. She was gonna get hurt..

  7. Anonymous says :

    Danielle did look very nasty and revengeful. Feel sorry for Ali who invested soo much and then she got kicked. What a brave girl she said the big word ‘I love you’ but obviously that meant nothing to tim . I don’t why he dragged her for soo long …..

  8. Hallie says :

    Ali is a lovely girl she has beautiful blue eyes and I feel so sorry she hurt herself I think Ali and Anna were the perfect ones for Tim

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