Glee Season 5 Episode 1 – TV Review

Glee Rachel Santana Hard Day's Night premiere

Hey, Quinn already went there. It could happen.

This episode’s title is “Love, Love, Love.”

Nice try, Glee, but we’re not that easily brainwashed.

TL;DR The Blaine/Kurt proposal happens and it’s worse than we could have ever imagined, Rachel is making moves on her Broadway dreams, and there’s a filler subplot involving Kitty/Artie.

Artie is a slut, yo.

It’s Beatles fortnight (yes, not just 1 week. It’s apparently going to be 2) at McKinley. The major plot involves Blaine totally going ahead with his not at all insane idea to propose to Kurt. He enlists the help of New Directions, The Warblers, Vocal Adrenaline, and that deaf glee club to help him. Kurt says yes. My gag reflex says yes, too. Meanwhile, Artie is hurt that Kitty wants to keep their relationship on the DL, but these fears are assuaged when she decides they should be loud and proud. Meanwhile, Tina’s escalating bitterness towards relationships is addressed. Meanwhile, Sue is now the principal of McKinley. And over in New York, Rachel and Santana are working as waitresses at some restaurant. Which gives her the perfect opportunity to do an impromptu performance for her Funny Girl casting director and lead actor.

No, I will not make a quip about Finn.

I’ll save that for the upcoming, sure-to-be-melodrama-overload tribute episode.

On the whole, this isn’t a bad start to the season. The production value is still impressively high, which is particularly evident in the proposal sequence.

But fuck me, that proposal shit. In what universe do Vocal Adrenaline and The Warblers put themselves out to help goddamn Kurt and turncoat Blaine do a cheesy, way OTT marriage proposal?

I feel like I’m on crazy pills, here.

Side note, I’m name upgrading 2 characters: I’m now gonna call Blake by Ryder, his character’s name. And Alex, likewise, will now be Unique. It’s time to capitulate.

Why I hate this episode:

Also, Blaine is in fucking high school. He makes the most overcooked speech ever about how he and Kurt must constantly reincarnate and find each other across the ages and how all he wants to do for the rest of his life is love Kurt wank wank wank wank wank. Oh my god, somebody get this bitch a gag. It wouldn’t be so obscene if there was literally even one person who was trying to put a stop to it. Even Burt gives his silent approval. What the fuck, guys?

Rachel is now waiting tables to pay her way through New York. She stopped accepting money from her daddies just because, I guess? I know I complained about her being a spoilt brat when she first moved in, but damn, honey. If you can get out of working, fucking go for it. Just don’t whinge.

The Kitty/Artie stuff is shit. It’s softening Kitty, which is pushing her into Sharpay territory (mean for the sake of the plot, conflicting with character development). And how the hell does Artie keep landing these chicks? It’s Artie. He’s lame.

There’s a new cheerleader character who is a Santana clone, looks and all. I thought we’d gotten enough of cloning last season.

Unique doesn’t really know The Beatles. Cunt, please. I don’t know them that well, either. But who fucking says “I don’t really know The Beatles?”

Ryder is still in the glee club, and appears to be rather enthusiastic. Despite him declaring he’d leave last season. Please address.

I’m so over Kurt’s singing voice. It’s strained and annoying. Ditto Blaine. Them having a duet is just the worst.

Blaine takes a cheap, non-committal swipe at Russia for being anti-gay. Lazy.

The boys’ plan to cheer up Tina is weird. They just dress up as The Beatles and sing a song vaguely to her, which is apparently all it takes to wash away 4 seasons’ worth of suppressed rage.

Oh, and before the proposal happens (Kurt has anticipated it. Because he is omniscient, our creator, our liege. The embodiment of perfection on this Earth. Amen), Kurt makes it clear he might not say yes. Then he does. Pfft.

Reasons to watch:

Sue is back on top. She’s gotten Figgins fired and demoted to janitor so she can take over the school. And instead of outright firing Will and Roz and cutting their programs, she tells them they have to both win their respective national titles to keep their jobs. Now that’s some incentive, baby.

It was also nice to have Roz knocked down a peg. Her diva shit was too much.

Ioan Gruffudd is the lead actor of the Funny Girl production. And Carlisle Cullen is the casting dude. It’s nice to see Glee isn’t completely broke.

I’m not too familiar with The Beatles, so I found the musical numbers unoffensive. If any Beatles die-hards can tell me why I should be disgusted, please do.

Neckbrace Cheerio still exists. She’s one of Bree’s (Santana clone) girl posse.

Earlier in the episode, Blaine is trying to feel Kurt out about their relationship. Kurt comes off all blasé and casual, which soften’s Blaine’s proposal boner a bit. If only it had lasted.

The deaf glee club kids gets second best line when our New Directions bust in to ask them for help: “Oh god, it’s those McKinley nerds.” I lol’d.

Kitty gets best line (duh). She calls The Beatles’ relatability into question. Ryder remarks that he can totes relate to them, and Kitty doesn’t miss a beat: “Why? Were The Beatles dyslexic and Catfished by transsexuals?” It’s all in there, isn’t it?

Tina tries to judge Artie’s DL relationship with Kitty. He tells her to fuck off. Good.

The actual addressing of Tina’s cuntery is welcome. Even if they don’t actually do anything about it.

Oh, and in honour of his name upgrade, here’s some of Unique’s charm and beauty.

Glee Unique Alex

Oh, sorry. That should read “no matter what I say.”


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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

6 responses to “Glee Season 5 Episode 1 – TV Review”

  1. Kellie says :

    I feel like Unique’s character is becoming less and less relevant. I liked her when she was first introduced in Vocal Adrenaline and New Directions but, now she’s so stereotypical and pointless. It’s like they’re just keeping her there for diversity now.

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