AusNTM Finale Countdown: A Tale of 2 Foreheads (and a duck) – Blog

AusNTM Charlotte Dawson crazy face

A lesson she could never learn.

Melissa’s forehead counts as at least 2 by itself, so make that a tale of 3 foreheads.

And a duck.

Yes, this is the state of reality television in Australia: a Top Model finalist’s name is “Duckie.”

Pray for us.

The grand finale of this year’s Australia’s Next Top Model is this week, and we’re down to our final 3:

  • Melissa: the 16 year old with no discernible features apart from her skyscraping forty-head and utter invariance in facial expressions.
  • Shanali: the 16 year old whose forehead, in contrast to Melissa’s, is suffering from constant 5 o’clock shadow. And who, also in contrast from Melissa, is unable to make a facial expression at all.
  • Duckie: the 17 year old. She’s the black one. With fluoro pink hair. Fashion!

If you were still trying to get there, the point is that none of these 3 are exciting or appealing. Certainly not on the level that even the early losers of ANTM are.

That’s not necessarily an indictment against just the top 3: all the girls in AusNTM were bland as fuck.

I must confess that this is the first cycle of AusNTM I’ve ever watched, and I expected the quality to be lower than ANTM or BINTM. But damn, these girls were average. Abbie, who came in 4th, is an excellent example. She was an extremely average, dime-a-dozen beach chick. She looked orright with gallons of makeup on, but so do drag queens.

Melissa, Shanali and Duckie suffer from a similar lack of distinction in their faces. And I think I’ve figured out why:

They’re babies. They’re all under 18. They haven’t had the time to properly grow features yet.

I’m not here to have a wank about sexualising young girls in the fashion industry yada yada yada. Because none of the photo shoots were that bad. But I am disappointed by how these baby-faced, average looking girls made into the top 3 of a nationwide model search.

Worse, there were some distinctive eliminated contestants (Dajana. Madeline. Jade on a good day). Yeah, they were crap at modelling, but at least they were memorable. And let’s face it, the top 3 aren’t too good at modelling, either.

I know ANTM dropped its shit format-wise, but those girls are a thousand miles ahead of what the Australian version thinks is passable. Probably because they’re not all 12 years old.


For what it’s worth, I’ll go with Duckie to win. Melissa is too inflexible, and Shanali is too bland.

Oh, and Taylah really should have won. At least she had that killer instinct.

AusNTM Taylah chokes Ashley

“Tell them, Ashley. What do you mean you can’t talk with a crushed throat? Fuckin’ baby.”

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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