The Bachelor Australia: Why? – Blog
At least it’s better than The Farmer Wants A Wife.
But really. Why?
If you’re not familiar with The Bachelor, it’s a dating show where a bunch of women live in a house and all try to hook up with a guy. The premise itself is flawed from the beginning: this guy is hot as fuck, affluent, has a good job, and is hot as fuck. So why do you need a reality show to find a girlfriend?
The women are, unsurprisingly, also all hot as fuck (except Jolene). Most of them seem to have not-awful jobs (there’s a doctor in there, so). At the very least, they know how to strut a cocktail dress (except Jolene).
There’s also the whole, creepy harem thing. But that comes with the dating show territory, doesn’t it?
We’re only 2 episodes in, so maybe it’s early to judge, but I think The Bachelor might just be too bland to work. It hasn’t got the gimmick of The Farmer Wants A Wife. Which means that when it’s fucking lame as shit and awkward, it can’t be passed off as cutesy. Just pathetic. Being the less pathetic version of a show is something new for Channel 9.
And The Bachelor hasn’t got the wackiness and straight-up stupidity of Channel 7’s closest parallel, Beauty & The Geek. I know BATG isn’t supposed to be a dating show, but the increasingly artificial and trashy Australian version has been death-spiralling down that way for ages. And it’s fun. Something The Bachelor isn’t.
The Bachelor appears to be relying on some intrinsic honesty. Like these people genuinely think they’re going on this show to find love. Yeah, it’s the first Australian series of it. But we all know there’s been about 20,000 American versions, so we know it’s not genuine.
But did you really come here to hear me muse on the politics of Australian reality shows? No. You came here to get my whingeing about the girls. So here:
Favourite: Anna, 26. She’s pretty, but not too plastic. She’s not anorexic. She seemed kinda drunk and dippy during the first impression (she had lipstick on her teeth). And she’s not a fucking psychopath.
2nd Favourite: Ali, 27. She is a fucking psychopath. But she’s easily the most attractive girl, so she’s in with a chance.
- Rochelle, 27. She looked pretty crap on the first night, but she’s turned out to be beautiful with less makeup. She also seems pretty honest.
- Alana, 29. Reminds me of Dee from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
Least Favourite: Jolene, 23. Ugly. Bitch (but not the kind I like). Is from The Shire, which is not something Channel 10 should really be trying to remind us about. She got kicked out in the first episode, though, so justice does exist.
- Emma, 25. Had the worst case of ducklips on Australian reality TV since Tamika from BATG. I say “had” because bitch fucked off in the second episode. You will not be missed.
- Natalie, 34. “Model.” Horrifying, plastic monster. Michael Jackson would come back from the dead purely to laugh at her nose.
- Laura, 24. Pumpkin headed worrywort. Wouldn’t shut up about the fact that she couldn’t get any alone time with the Bachelor. While I originally respected her “don’t butt in” policy, that expired when she kept going on about it.
I’m surprised at how many of the women were over 30. The Bachelor himself is 30, and of the 25 contestants, 8 are 30 or over. Which kinda mitigates the handful of 22-24 year olds. Kinda.
Oh, and Andrew “don’t call me Andrew G anymore” G is the host. But he’s now not even Andrew Gunsberg, he’s Osher Gunsberg. Because drastically changing your stage name in the twilight of your hosting career is a super good idea.