Sushi Girl – Film Review

Sushi Girl Crow Mark Hamill

Sushi Gurl, to be precise.

I haven’t seen Reservoir Dogs.

But I do have access to the Internet and, by extension, Wikipedia synopses.

So yeah, Sushi Girl is more than a little bit influenced by it.

It’s got a naked chick and Mark Hamill, though.

TL;DR Yeah, the story ends up a little too neat. Yeah, it’s a Quentin Tarantino wannabe. But Sushi Girl appears to be having a good time (Mark Hamill definitely is), and it doesn’t reach for any kind of profound height that it certainly doesn’t have. 3 out of 5 stars.

Also, fugu.

So the plot follows a group of criminals who are summoned by their leader to a special dinner (thus, the sushi girl) 6 years after a botched diamond heist. The leader is Duke (Tony Todd), and the crew are Crow (Hamill), Fish, Max and Francis. Duke suspects Fish, who has just been released from prison for the heist, knows the location of the diamonds, so in between snacks off sushi girl, the other guys take turns at torturing the truth out of him. Eventually things get heated as Fish continually denies any knowledge and the men bicker amongst themselves. Everyone but Duke ends up dead, and the diamonds still lost. Then Sushi Girl finally rises to convey the twist: her boyfriend was killed by Duke during the heist getaway, and she wound up with the diamonds by accident. She used the money to fund this revenge plot, and she leaves triumphantly.

Then everything’s wrapped up in a neat little package.

That’s really my only big issue with Sushi Girl. I mean, the film is fucking called “Sushi Girl.” It’s pretty conspicuous when she stays motionless for the entire movie. The later it got, the more I knew that she had to be vitally important to the plot.

I would have much preferred if she had been a member of the gang who they stole the diamonds off in the first place (Jeff Fahey, one of the diamond robbery victims, warns that the retribution for the theft would be dire). This would have made her much more badass. And would have given her an impetus apart from “you killed my man, therefore I will dedicated my entire life to his memory.” Don’t let Anita Sarkeesian win, guys.

At least they got the torture right.

Why I hate this movie:

It takes a while for the movie to drop the fact that they were involved in a diamond heist. I totally picked it. So clichéd.

I also picked that the diamonds fell out of the bag, which was torn when Fish was yanking it free from the van wreckage. Obvious.

I was sad that 3 biggish name actors only got 1 scene. I would have wanted more Danny Trejo, Jeff Fahey and Michael Biehn. Though their quick execution is effectively surprising.

Fahey, in an attempt to keep the diamonds (he fears retribution from the gang he works for), handcuffs the bag they’re in to his wrist. Dude, you just saw them kill bitches as part of this heist. It should come as no surprise that they Jaime Lannister your ass. Silly billy.

Francis wears a wire to snitch on the others at the dinner. Seriously, everyone just needs to get the app.

The concept of a sushi girl seems dumb, anyway (in general, not just in the context of this movie). He body would warm the sushi, which would be shit.

Oh, and why the fuck would Duke risk eating the fugu now that everyone else is dead? I know he’s feeling a bit defeated, but come on. No little chunk of fish tastes good enough to risk death, especially when those 4 guys you were hoping it would be bad luck for are already dead.

Reasons to watch:

The torture is not kidding around. Max starts us off by fucking breaking one of Fish’s ribs just by grabbing it and pulling it outwards.

Crow follows up by hammering a chopstick into Fish’s leg. Jesus.

Max comes in again by whipping Fish across the face repeatedly with a sock full of broken glass. That shit is disgusting(ly awesome). I have a flinching problem for gaping wounds. That might also explain my aversion to vaginas, but that’s another issue entirely.

Crow one ups by pulling teeth. Fish is finally put out of his misery courtesy of a rage bashing from Max. But fuck, that was some squeamish torture. Nicely done.

Mark Hamill steals the show as the sexually ambiguous Crow. Within the first 11 minutes he’s already said “cunt” and “nigger,” and he has a fabulicious time baiting the easily angered Max. This culminates in the Mexican standoff at the end, when Crow brings up Max’s father who raped him (as a retort to Max constantly throwing around homophobic insults). They then shoot each other the fuck up. It’s bliss.

Francis has a cocaine problem, which manifests in 2 cute prop gags. The first is Duke’s assigning of the Kabuki masks for the heist in the flashback. Francis gets the Tengu, which is distinguished by its large nose. Later, when Francis is desperate for a hit during the dinner, he sneaks off into the bathroom. With few options, he uses a photo of his son (his is very important to him) as a coke straw. I lol’d.

Danny Trejo’s character wields a machete. I get it.

The fugu is on Sushi Girl’s vagina. Tee hee.

Best line of the movie goes to Crow. It’s during the flashback, and their driver (who doesn’t survive the botched heist) is talking about how embarrassing it is to shit yourself when you die. He’s got an anecdote about a guy he knows who did:
Driver: “His mama saw that shit.”
Crow: “Literally.”
Snaps for Crow.

Sushi Girl’s revenge is ever so sweet, with just a bitter after taste of contrivance.

She cuts off Duke’s finger with a cigar cutter. Woah, bitch.

Oh, and, you know, boobies.


The Mark Hamill camp (he’s had practice) and shameless violence help this rise above more than just a throwaway genre nothing. I should provably watch Reservoir Dogs, hey? 3 out of 5 stars.

Sush Girl Cortney Palm

Sounds like a good deal to me.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

3 responses to “Sushi Girl – Film Review”

  1. Daniel says :

    “[T]he body would warm the sushi…”
    I’m a little disappointed that you didn’t follow that up with “…especially when the woman has a body as hot as that.”

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