Mama – CBF Review

Mama Jaime Lannister

Always find the silver lining.

It’s not that you’re a bad movie, Mama.

It’s that you’re tacky and I hate you.

At least you managed to humanise Jessica Chastain. She must need the occasional break from being Oscar bait.

The plot is about 2 little girls whose father goes postal before kidnapping them and crashing their car because, as you might have guessed, he is a colossal dick. Before he can shoot them in the head, though, an entity (an apparition?) kills him and proceeds to take care of the girls for 5 fucking years in the semi-wilderness. They’re discovered, so uncle Jaime Lannister and his rock chick girlfriend Jessica Chastain take them in. But the ghost, named Mama, is a jealous ho. Intermittent violence ensues. Blah blah blah it’s the ghost of some crazy bitch who just wants her baby back. Jessica manages to win over the elder daughter, but Mama kills the younger one as she fucks off at the end (hey, at least she was satisfied somehow).

I hate this movie because it’s not scary (it suffers from a similar problem as Guillermo del Toro’s other mother centric horror movie: it shows the monster too much); Jessica Chastain doesn’t really do anything (she just uses the power of gradually-becoming-not-a-hater-of-children to get the older daughter to want to stay with her); and the victims Mama does kill (the doctor, the aunt) are pretty arbitrary.

You should watch because it does a few things differently (letting the kid be killed, not letting the dog be killed. Incredible); the lead casting is excellent (it helps); and Mama does have a smidge of complexity to her, as opposed to just being a crazy-ass ghost bitch (she saves the girls from their father, and she is almost appeased by her own baby’s remains before dumbshit younger daughter cries out).

Verdict: 2 out of 5 stars.

I guess I just expected more out of a Jessica Chastain/Guillermo del Toro movie. I know I’ve got a penchant for genre, but only when it’s not dull.

Mama Jessica Chastain

No amount of ice in the world, Jess.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: