Pretty Little Liars Season 4 Episode 5 – TV Review
Hanna Fashionistard Counter:
This week she makes a see-through mistake.
Our count is now 3 Uh-uh, 2 Uh-huh. And to think she was so close to being ahead in the good books.
The Liars are off to college.
Oh god, I’m getting Gossip Girl season 3 trauma flashbacks.
Please, ABC Family, don’t let that happen.
Euthanasia is an option.
TL;DR Ashley looks guilty as fuckin’ fuck (more than ever), the Liars’ investigation leads them to some sorority, Aria puts a bizarre amount of effort into getting her mum laid.
Well she hasn’t got her own May-December romance to overblow anymore, so a girl has to find an outlet somewhere.
Plots are as follows:
Aria, as mentioned, spends her whole episode trying to convince Ella to go to Austria with her coffee shop boyfriend (once she’s recovered from a bee-bombing from A). This includes crying about it to Byron. What the hell?
Hanna gets even more stressed out about Ashley (who, without telling Hanna, has gone to Veronica Hastings for legal advice). This isn’t helped when she finds a gun in her closet. Desperate to obscure evidence, Hanna tries burying it on Cicero College’s campus. Bitch gets caught, though.
Speaking of Cicero, Spencer tracks the parrot song phone number to a sorority there. She derails the work of an admissions counsellor to get there, but Spencer clearly doesn’t give a fuck about her future anymore. Emily joins her, but they clash.
They clash because Emily is more interested in flirting some admissions counselling of her own (that busted shoulder sure is a pain in the… shoulder, I guess?) out of the guy. Spencer calls out Emily for leading him on, Emily calls out Spencer for being a carefree rich bitch. It’s good stuff.
Dat bitchiness. PLL has been missing it, lately. Probably because Mona hasn’t been around.
There are no humungous issues with this episode, but there are a couple of mid-level ones.
If I had to choose my least favourite, it would obviously be Aria’s. She spends the whole episode whining about wanting Ella to be happy and go on this apparently vital trip to Austria. She even fucking cries about it when petitioning Byron to step in and convince her.
I guess that repressed guilt over banging her teacher must be finally getting to her.
Why I hate this episode:
Seriously, I don’t get it. Did coffee shop guy say that this trip was make or break for them? I only remember him saying how nice it would be. Calm the fuck down, Aria. Am I wrong?
Mike is bratty as well when he discourages Ella going for no reason. I think Byron and Ella should be at the point where they don’t respect anything their 2 fuck-up kids have to say.
The other mid-level niggle is Spencer. First of all, I’m getting concerned with her lack of concern about her future. Yeah, she took her rejection pretty well. But she seems to be so flippant towards exploring her other options. She postpones her tour of the other Ivies just so she can do some A digging. Priorities, bitch.
She’s also bratty when Veronica tells her she’s hired the admissions counsellor. You need this, Spencer. Let her help you.
The other weird thing about Spencer is her oddly anti-nerd attitude. She prepares to talk to some geeky looking guy at Cicero to get some answers on the phone number, and she insults him using bad references (one of them is calling him JarJar Binks) a couple of times. Before her evolution into badass wannabe, Spencer was pretty nerdy herself. Glass houses, bitch.
Apart from the JarJar references, there is an explosion of cringe-worthy quotes all over the place this episode. I don’t understand why:
- Talking about how A put bees inside Ella’s car, Aria refers to the attack as a “4 wheel hive.” Good. God.
- Spencer joins in the fun when she tries to stop Hanna from being a psycho about Ashley: “Would you please leave your poor mother alone. You already gave her a Britney Shears in your dream.” Augh.
- And Spencer comes in again when she awkwardly tries to nerd-speak that nerd guy at Cicero. He initially rebuffs her, so she summarises his position by dramatically saying “you shall not pass.” Stop it. Stop it now.
Spencer also ends the conversation with that guy by gushing about Game of Thrones. ABC Family can’t even cross-promote properly.
Emily is a massive cock-tease. Say no to cock-teasing, everyone.
Did Hanna really think she could quickly sneak into the woods and bury the gun without A knowing? Come on.
Mona still isn’t around. That’s, what, the 3rd episode in a row?
Oh, and having already been a cunt to nerds, Spencer also takes the opportunity to whinge about the partying on Greek Row. Being a malcontented fuck is my job, woman.
Reasons to watch:
That parrot song phone number is solved. Thank god. That tune was such an ear worm.
Spencer tracks it to a hidden room in the sorority house. The room is pretty bare, except for a chair, the phone, and scratch marks on the wall. Cute.
There’s also a story about a malicious house mother who used to be there until recently. The A stinger at the end seems to position her as something important.
This episode, contrary to my intro up there, reminded me positively of the Gossip Girl season 2 episode where they tour college campuses. And much like Serena and Blair’s epic fight (Serena said she hated Blair’s headbands. Blaspheme!), Spencer and Emily have a pretty decent one. And they’re both right: Emily is whoring herself out for a chance at a scholarship, and Spencer is an overprivileged, poor little rich girl who doesn’t have to worry about these things.
In Emily’s defence, she does eventually come clean to Brendan (the admissions counsellor), and he takes it like a champ. Though I was expecting him to try to rape her. Maybe next week?
Ashley is lawyering up with Veronica, and Hanna eavesdrops on a phone conversation where Veronica says things are really bad. Ooh.
Aria opens herself up to some delicious irony when she’s scolding Mike for holding Ella back. I quote: “You’re being selfish!” Really, Aria? Well, I guess you are the authority on selfishness. Maybe she has a point (she doesn’t. I’m being sarcastic).
Mike thinks Aria is only enthusiastic about Ella’s trip so she can go get her fuck on with Ezra again. It’ll probably turn out to be true.
Byron actually does heed Aria’s call to action. I thought it was nice that he wanted Ella to be happy.
Best line of the episode goes to the nerdy guy. Spencer has just dropped her Game of Thrones reference, where she mentions the Lannisters. Him: “You would like the Lannisters.” I know I do.
He says Spencer has crazy eyes, too. I lol’d.
Hanna trying to bury evidence was pretty crazy. But Ashley is worth it.
Hanna has a nightmare where Ashley is in an orange, prison jumpsuit and her hair is all cut up. It’s hideous/hilarious.
Oh, and Hanna’s back to her fashion woes this week. Despite a really cute blue, dotted dress in, like, 1 scene, it’s otherwise not encouraging. This is not the right direction, H-Bomb. Sort it out.