Pretty Little Liars Season 4 Episode 2 – TV Review

Pretty Little Liars Ashley wine

Hey, at least the context makes sense this time.

EDIT: Hanna Fashionistard Counter. As of this episode: 1 Yuck, 1 Fuck (yeah)

Let the new love interests begin!

Well, for Aria at least.

Because she’s just a big ol’ slut.

I don’t like Aria. If you hadn’t picked that up already.

TL;DR Aria sets her sights on another teacher to fuck, A tries to kill some bitches, everything is still at a pretty low gasp level.

Also, a parrot.

This is the part where I give you brief plot lines for each of the Liars:

It’s a bit of a Hanna show again this week. Ashley’s back in town, and Hanna’s really not sure if she totally offed Wilden. Some incriminating Manolo Blahniks don’t help. Hanna also tries to lay the pain on Shana, but doesn’t get any answers.

Speaking of Shana, she turns up in Emily’s plot line this week. Emily has a swim meet, and Shana is on the opposing team (because swimmer = lesbian in the PLL universe). Emily fucks up because she’s popping pain killers following A’s earlier attempt to run her, Aria and Mona down.

Aria becomes inspired to take self defence classes and takes a liking to her teacher. Who she kisses. And who is interested in starting a relationship with her. Because if there’s one thing Aria is good at, it’s not repeating her mistakes.

And Spencer gets shoved aside again. She has some tedious drama with Toby, who believes his mother’s suicide may not have been as clean cut as it was made out to be. And she gets rejected from the Hastings legacy college and promptly freaks out.


TBH, I’m not buying the direction PLL is taking with Ashley. It was hard enough to swallow her arbitrarily running down Wilden with her car. Now they expect us to believe that she could be his cold-blooded killer? No.

I’m starting to hurt from fatigue, really. I just want to find out what all this shit is about. Why is A/Red Coat doing what they’re doing? It’s season fucking 4. It’s time to get some answers. Just what did the Liars do that was so bad it warranted going through all this? A tries to goddamn murder them this episode (and it wasn’t Mona behind the wheel this time). Just why?

Why I hate this episode:

That scene also includes the reason for Emily’s shoulder injury: she just happens to fall on an inconvenient rock while pushing herself, Aria and Mona out of the way of the car. It was just so random. Why not let her get hit by the car? But then I’d probably complain that they already did that with Hanna in season 1. I am an obnoxious malcontent, after all.

It bothers me how Paige just assumes she and Emily will be going to Stanford together. I thought it was pretty hard to get into. Made worse by the fact that in the very same episode, Spencer is facing realistic trouble with her rejection from her preferred school. Is it Ivy League for Everyone or not, PLL? Decide!

Hanna puts on her cranky pants and confronts Shana with accusations about Wilden and Jenna and all that jazz. Before she can get an answer out of her, Aria pulls her away. Made worse because Aria was the one who was like “Oh, there’s Shana. You should go get up in her face.” Decide!

Fucking Aria is going to date another teacher? This one’s more appropriate, but goddamn.

Spencer has a whinge after Ezra advises her to tone down her college admissions essay to include less about her fucked up life. While Spencer does make a good point about it (which I will get to below), her lack of objectivity is grating. Are you a Hastings?

Spencer also seems mostly unfazed with Toby’s deception (you know, stealing the RV). Knowing Toby’s history, she should probably be taking this more seriously. Also, I’m sick of Toby and Spencer.

And Toby’s very #sorrynotsorry about it.

Hanna asks Jessica if she saw Alison’s body after it was discovered in their backyard. Fuckin’ rude, cunt.

Oh, and Jake (Aria’s self defence instructor) is keen on a relationship with Aria. Ugh.

Reasons to watch:

On the plus side, he does make a remark about how she might find a teacher/student relationship awkward. Bonus points for Aria who kinda laughs to herself instead of being a melodramatic turd.

As stupid as it is, at least PLL’s handling of the “Ashley could totes be a murderess” thing is pretty cute (just look at that motherfucker sipping her wine up above). After much dancing around, Hanna finally asks her if she came back to Rosewood at all when she was supposed to be on her business trip. Ashley replies with an assurance that she didn’t kill Wilden. Which means she avoided actually answering Hanna’s question. Bitch, you got secrets.

Spencer’s point with the essay thing is that she doesn’t want to omit her hardships for 2 reasons: 1) dishonesty has been pretty fucking detrimental to her life so far (the show is called Pretty Little LIARS, remember?); and 2) she figures A is going to use anything she omits to fuck her over anyway. Good catch, Spence.

Ezra being supportive to someone other than Aria is a nice change of pace, too. He seems to genuinely care about Spencer. Though I am 50% expecting him to make a move on her. It’s his thing.

Before the mow-down attempt, Mona is strangled by A, who was hiding in her back seat. That shit be tense.

Aria name drops Holden when she goes to the martial arts centre. Aww, she remembers. How cute.

Jessica Dilaurentis adds a couple of juicy contributions this week. First is the parrot that her mother in law (Alison’s grandmother, with whom she was spending time before her disappearance) had. It has a few unimportant quotes of Alison’s memorised, but more vitally, it sings a phone number (remember when pressing numbers on a phone pad made individual tones? You’re too young).

Jessica also tells a story about how Alison (shortly before her disappearance) asked for permission to host a Liars sleepover at Cape May. When Jessica refuses, Alison holds her breath almost to the point of suffocation to get what she wants. When Hanna tells Jessica that Alison never asked them to that sleepover, Jessica says she suspects Alison actually spent the time with a boy. Ooh.

Best line of the episode goes to Spencer:
Aria: “This is Mona. She started lying when she was a fetus. Hey, why was Toby so upset when he left? Were you guys fighting?”
Spencer: “No, no. Go back to the fetus.”
I feel like I’m not brave enough to make an abortion joke right now.

Second best line goes to Hanna, who is giving Emily advice on how to cover up her shoulder bruise for the swim meet: “I spent two summers at fat camp swimming in a parka.” Adorable.

Emily bonking her head on the touch wall during the race was funny.

Oh, and Hanna has 2 unoffensive outfits this episode. The first you can see below (dat green). The second includes an orange jacket thing (I don’t know how to describe womens clothes) and messy side braid combo. Its only failing is some silver tights as pants. But they’re not quite as nigh-camel toe as last week’s “effort.” Good.

Pretty Little Liars Hanna green striped top

Anything beats last week’s fucking Titanic-level disaster. Jesus.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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