TV Review: Once Upon a Time Season 2 Episode 22
So, like, I forgot that this week’s episode was the season finale.
I’m not ready for Once Upon a Time to go away.
Oh, and apparently, neither were the writers.
TL;DR Tamara and Driver try to destroy Storybrooke but are foiled by Emma, Regina and the gang. But not before fucking off to Neverland with a kidnapped Henry. Cue dissatisfying season conclusion.
And after praising you so much.
So the Storybrooke plot is mainly about everyone trying to stop the motherfucking destruction of Storybrooke thanks to Tamara and Driver. Regina decides to sacrifice herself to slow the activation of the failsafe while Emma, Snow, David and surprise ally Hook try to get magic beans from T&D to transport everyone to safety. The gang gets 1 bean. Snow and David, upon learning of Regina’s intended death, decide to use it to portal the failsafe diamond away. But uh oh, Hook stole the bean (gasp!). So Emma just uses her deus ex magica and she and Regina stop the diamond. Tamara and Driver have a contingency, though: kidnap Henry and bean portal away. Hook returns just in time for our heroes (plus Gold. Because plot) to give chase. Meanwhile, Gold restores Lacey back into Belle (dammit) and leaves her with instructions to protect Storybrooke from attacks while he’s away. And over in fairy tale flashback, Hook and Young Baelfire bond on his ship. They realise who each other are, though, and when Hook can’t convince Baelfire to join him, he hands him over to The Lost Boys for Shadow.
So what pissed me off about this season finale is that it doesn’t feel like a season finale. The ending is way too open, and is obviously leading into season 3. I don’t feel like I watched the conclusion of a story or an arc. It just feels like “hey, keep watching next time guys!” It’s especially disappointing because season 1’s finale was so whole and satisfying, with just the right amount of sequel teasing.
Oh, and fucking Emma uses her magic to perfectly and immediately fix the problem she faces. Fuck off.
Why I hate this episode:
It’s pathetic. They run out of options and Emma’s just like “Oh, wait a minute. I can do anything because I’m the main character lolz. Genocidal bomb diamond ain’t no thang.” What the hell?
Henry is back in the spotlight and, while he isn’t the exposition fairy/morality pet/emotional ball and chain he used to be, I’m still worried about him being returned to importance. Shadow is apparently searching for the one boy it needs for its plans or some shit, and Henry is the one he wants.
Gold cryptically claims that the foes the gang is about to face (Tamara and Driver’s bosses) are insurmountably powerful. Which I guess is why we’ve never heard of them and you’ve never mentioned them before, huh?
Regina is outrageously suicidal this episode. She can’t wait to give her life to save Storybrooke. Yeah, I know she’s really only in it for Henry, but I just don’t believe she would be so eager to sacrifice herself.
After Gold is informed of Baelfire’s injury/warping/probable death, he gets all emo and says that he’s responsible for everything bad that’s happened. Once Upon a Time has a serious case of badass decay this episode. Go to a dentist or something over the season break and sort it out. Yeesh.
Hook betrays all the things. Who is even willing to have him along anymore?
David and Hook confront Tamara and Driver at the cannery, and again are unable to apprehend either of them. Just stop.
Storybrooke begins getting destroyed… by encroaching plantlife. It’s unimpressive.
Lacey is gone. Fuck.
Oh, and I was surprised that everyone legitimately thinks Baelfire is dead. They should be more optimistic than that.
Reasons to watch:
Tamara and Driver weren’t kidding around: they totally activate the failsafe (as lame as the “destruction” might be). And when that fucks up, they totally kidnap Henry and portal their shit outta there. They’re efficient. I’ll give ’em that.
I’ll give Snow, David and the townsfolk some points here, too. Emma is content with Regina sacrificing herself, but Snow etc find it completely unacceptable. Even in the face of the risk, they refuse to just let Regina die.
And they even all get chummy after switching off the failsafe. Could Regina be one of the gang now? I’m not sure how I feel about that.
Despite it meaning the death of Lacey, Gold’s scene where he restores Belle’s memory is genuinely emotional. My tear ducts quivered. Their sorrowful embrace while Storybrooke disintegrates was nice.
David does one of the only cool things he’s ever done and punches Hook right in the face when he shows up the apartment. As soon as he sees him, bam. I like this David.
Hook’s attempt to be Young Baelfire’s new family seemed honest. But Baelfire’s pain was also honest (Hook did destroy his family, cause his mother to abandon him, and unintentionally cause his mother’s death). Then I lol’d when Hook just chucked him over to The Lost Boys.
And I don’t know if it’s just me, but Hook is looking more handsome than usual this episode. I’m down.
Best line of the episode goes to Snow when she’s arguing the importance of saving Regina:
Snow: “But it’s wrong, Emma. I killed her mother.”
Emma: “You did that to Cora because you had to.”
Snow: “I did it because it was easy.”
Second best line goes to Henry, who responds to Regina telling him she loves him (possibly for the last time): “I love you, too.” Because I have a boner for any time Henry acknowledges Regina.
Phillip, Sleeping Beauty and Mulan are back. It’s nice to know they haven’t been forgotten.
Gold uses the globe thing he used to track Baelfire to New York to find Henry’s kidnapped location. I love me some callbacks.
Gold tries to use magic to cut a swing rope, which would send Henry flying onto pointy rocks (to negate the prophecy). I lol’d.
Oh, and if Emma’s gonna use her magic, maybe she’ll think about using it more often. It’ll be fun to watch.