TV Review: Once Upon a Time Season 2 Episode 21

Once Upon a Time Regina Greg torture

“Yes. But that’s beside the point.”

Am I bored with how relentlessly decent Once Upon a Time has become?

No.

TL;DR Driver and Tamara’s plans become clearer (they’re genocidal, yo), we get a tidbit more about Baelfire’s back story, and Snow continues her quest to restore her blackened heart by helping Regina.

As pathetic as she is, it never hurts to have a plot armour-wearing main character in your corner.

So shit’s going down in Storybrooke this week. Having kidnapped Regina, Tamara and Driver (whose real name is Owen, but whose name is also Greg? I definitely ain’t got time for dat, so imma keep calling him Driver. #dealwithit) torture her for info on his daddy. Turns out Regina killed him and Driver finds proof (maybe?) when he digs up dear old dad’s bones. We also find out that Tamara and Driver are operatives of a larger organisation, and their mission is to eradicate all magic. Meanwhile, Emma tries to prove to Baelfire that Tamara is the bitch August was trying to warn them about. He believes her once Tamara shoots his ass and throws a portal bean at him and Emma. Baelfire sacrifices himself to save Emma. Aww. Snow and David also rescue Regina. And our flashback plot takes us to right after Young Baelfire went through his first bean portal. He ends up in 19th century London, and in the home of Wendy from Peter Pan. He saves her and her brothers from the evil Shadow (probs Peter Pan) by sacrificing himself to the torment of Neverland. He wriggles free of Shadow, though, and is picked up by Hook.

Tell me more.

So the flashback plot is sparing and genuinely intriguing, and the Storybrooke stuff eschews melodrama for crazy conspiracy plots.

I’m okay with this.

No major gripes from me on this one.

Why I hate this episode:

Nit. Pick. Go.

Driver and Tamara’s torturing of Regina seems to conflict with their supposed mission of destroying Storybrooke. They blow their cover (and only come out on top because they accidentally end up with the failsafe trigger) by messing with Regina. Not very smart.

Baelfire comes across Gold and Lacey terrorising Whale. He has a shitfit about how Gold hasn’t changed wah wah wah. Fuck off, bitch. Let your dad get some hot, Aussie V. And Whale is a stupid douche, anyway.

Baelfire says he’s only sticking around Storybrooke for Henry, now. I don’t think anyone’s had a worse reason to do anything ever.

And it takes him getting shot to finally believe Emma about Tamara. Don’t you know that Emma’s been on a hot streak with clever reasoning lately? Do you even read this blog, Baelfire? Gosh.

Henry’s wish comes true: Emma and Baelfire declare their love for each other just before he is swallowed by a bean portal. No! Emma was supposed to end up with Graham. Die for my ship, Baelfire.

Lacey, having been brought up to speed on magic, advises Gold to kill the threat to his power (which is Henry, right?). He angrily refuses. Come on, dude.

Oh, and between Emma, Baelfire, Snow and David, they manage to catch neither Tamara nor Driver. Get your shit together, guys.

Reasons to watch:

Driver and Tamara aren’t playing around anymore.

Driver electro-shock tortures Regina to get info on his dad. While Regina stoically tries to endure the pain, Snow shows us how excruciating it is when she badly times her connection spell to find out where Regina is. And that wasn’t even on the highest level of the torture machine.

Also, Snow in pain is always something I will want.

Tamara is even more badass. Not only does she goddamn shoot Baelfire, she throws a motherfucking bean portal at him and Emma. That’s some heavy shit. That’s commitment.

Tamara and Driver’s cover is finally blown, too. So Emma gets her vindication.

Speaking of Emma, she makes yet another quick and correct deduction when she realises Regina must be being held in the cannery (Snow’s spell allows her to smell sardines, in additon to crushing pain). Emma is on the ball, bitches.

I’m pretty keen to find out what all this Shadow business is with Peter Pan. So dark and edgy.

After Driver finds his dad’s skeleton, Tamara joins him with info from “the home office” on the failsafe gem. They know what it is now, and have been instructed to use it. Juicy.

Snow nurses Regina after they rescue her (just like last episode). Regina confesses her plans to kill everyone and take Henry back to the Enchanted Forest, but blames Snow and David for scheming to leave her behind. It kinda shuts them the fuck up.

Best line of the episode goes to Lacey, who is discussing magic with Gold (she is super impressed by it, btw):
Gold: “It tends to drive away the people I care about most.”
Lacey: “Well, then, you’ve been caring about the wrong people.”
Would it be too much to ask that Belle never return?

Lacey also wants Gold to use magic to keep her young so they can be together forever. Even more reason to hang onto this version of her personality, G.

I just realised that Tamara’s actress’s name is Sonequa. Sonic For Hire fans will know what’s up.

Oh, and Lacey and Gold’s beating of random guys seems to be a thing now. I’m down.

Once Upon a Time Gold Lacey beat up Whale

I know you’re out there. Don’t be shy.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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