TV Review: Revenge Season 2 Episode 18

Revenge Victoria masquerade ball faint

Bitch parties hard.

The masquerade ball episode of Gossip Girl was one of its best.

Both times.

Revenge, obviously, doesn’t get anywhere near that.

But hey, it’s an excuse for everyone to dress up and look pretty.

And isn’t that what soap operas are all about?

TL;DR Victoria’s child-giving-away past is brought to light, Accountant is (apparently?) dead, Emily gets back with Daniel out of pragmatism. And Jack’s scheme against Conrad is somehow working.

Since when has Jack been competent at anything? Suspension of disbelief destroyed.

So this week’s plot sees our characters preparing for some extravagant masquerade ball that the Graysons are throwing for Halloween (bit early for that, isn’t it ABC?). Emily and Aiden have a plan to find Accountant (it’s been 6 weeks since her kidnapping). Aiden fucks up the Initiative’s investments with Grayson Global, making Burn come into the office. He carjacks him and has him drive to Accountant. Bitch is dead. Aiden snaps his neck. The investment shitstorm (Burn withdraws the Initiative money from Grayson Global) doesn’t sit well with Daniel, who reunites with Emily (it’s Page Six official, bitches) to spite Aiden. Meanwhile, Nolan is brought out of his post Accountant kidnapping funk by Jack, who ropes him into his scheme against Conrad. They force Conrad (via botched press event, of course) to pledge support for an investigation into David Clarke’s trial. Conrad also has his hands full with an erratic Victoria, who Emily is tormenting by pretending her given-up son knows what she did 30-something Summers ago. Victoria tells him she aborted it, but she actually gave it to nuns for adoption.

Because remember: this is a fucking soap opera.

I’m gonna give this episode a reluctant pass. It’s a bit OTT (nuns? Really?), but there’s a lot of forward movement on all plot fronts.

The proudest achievement would definitely be the surprise success of Jack’s scheme against Conrad. Yeah, Nolan helped, but Jack was the mastermind. And “mastermind” is a term that should probably never be applied to Jack. Touché.

He also brings Ashley in on the plan later on. So maybe she’ll actually start doing something. Instead of just stealing from PLL’s costumes trailer.

Why I hate this episode:

Ashley doesn’t get it all her way, though. She actually correctly identifies Jack as a suspect in the press event sabotage (this is before his job offer), but Conrad dismisses it. He then follows up by accusing her. Rude.

Nolan is the big offender this week. He’s gone full Howard Hughes in his obsession over Accountant’s disappearance. His Conspiracy Wall is ridiculous. Much, much worse, though, is his pathetic breakdown once he learns of her death. I don’t. Fucking. Care.

Even Emily cries her wimpy little eyes out over it. Though it might have been in compassion for Nolan, any tears shed in Accountant’s name are a blight upon this world. Enough.

Worse again, I have the sinking feeling that she’s actually alive. There is no confirmation that she is in fact dead (Aiden seems to just take Burn’s word for it). If you’re going to subject Nolan and Emily to this emotional bullshit, at least have the decency to be really gone. Please.

Victoria doesn’t invite Emily to the ball. Rude.

Part of Emily’s plan to rattle Victoria is to send a bouquet of black roses. Because sending a placard with “MELODRAMA” smeared on it would be too subtle.

Conrad incorrectly believes the Initiative to be responsible for the roses, the mystery RSVP from Victoria’s son, and the awkward question about David Clarke at the press conference. I like Conrad a lot better when he’s not constantly wrong about everything. I thought these days were behind us.

The masquerade ball doesn’t last very long. And there aren’t nearly enough mask-enabled shenanigans. Missed opportunity.

Aiden is way too much of a jealous pussy over Emily’s fake reunion with Daniel. He calls it “disgusting.” You are soft.

A detective accuses Nolan of killing Accountant or some shit. So I guess even if she’s dead she’s still going to clog up Revenge with unimportant drama. Thanks.

Oh, and Victoria faints for no fucking reason.

Reasons to watch:

Everyone (except the perpetually misguided Conrad) is pretty clever this episode.

Aiden and Emily’s plan works perfectly. Yeah, Accountant’s dead (or is she!?), but at least they find her. And Aiden snaps Burn’s neck, so we won’t have to look at his ugly mug anymore.

Jack and Nolan very impressively manipulate Conrad into supporting an investigation into the jury tampering in David Clarke’s case. Good one, boys. This subplot also gets Nolan out of his mopiness for a little while, so bonus points for that.

Daniel publicises his rekindled relationship with Emily. This both pisses off Victoria and enrages Aiden. That’s what he wanted.

Even fucking Charlotte gets some shit done this episode. She encounters some bitchy skank slagging off Amanda at the ball. So she punches her in the face. Way to be relevant again, sweetheart.

Burn implies that the photo of Daniel and Emily from last episode was not sent by the Initiative. Ooh. EDIT: A helpful fan pointed out that Victoria is the one who sent it. I gotta pay more attention, huh?

Not one to waste a good photo, Daniel uses it for his Page Six story. Recycling is important.

Victoria says the father of her baby-no-more was her mother’s boyfriend. Continuity matters.

The nun Victoria visits in present day says she upheld their agreement to not tell the boy about her. The nun says he came looking and she kept the secret. After Victoria leaves, though, she clutches that rosary pretty hard. Bitch lyin’?

Emily tracks Victoria to the convent and looks to be infiltrating it (playing the role of “pregnant-ass ho”) for deets. Love it.

Best line of the episode goes to Nolan, who has this fantastic zinger. No context necessary: “Start your revenge-ines.” Like “engines,” but with “revenge.” Inspired.

There’s some guy named Evan who is working on Conrad’s campaign. Ashley suggests him as a possible suspect for the press event debacle. I think Revenge needs some new blood. Especially since Eli fucked off so quickly.

Emily says she’ll be voting for Conrad. Adorable.

Oh, and Emily is delightfully smarmy when she shows up at the ball and tells Victoria that Daniel invited her. Claws out, ladies.

Revenge Emily Victoria masquerade ball

If only.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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