CBF Review: The Possession

The Possession Jeffrey Dean Morgan hand mouth

You need some pointers.

This CBF Review is brought to you by genre-induced laziness.

The Possession isn’t terribly boring, terribly meaningless, or terribly terrible.

It’s just a standard, mildly creepy horror film.

At least Kyra “Kevin Bacon’s wife and the motherfucking Closer” Sedgwick and Jeffrey Dean “I already have a middle name, jerk” Morgan are here to party.

The plot is incredibly simple: Jeffrey and Kyra are recently divorced. Their younger daughter happens upon a box which contains a demon. Possession (ah ha!) ensues. Some of the daughter’s symptoms are inititally attributed to the stress of divorce, but it soon beocmes clear that she is a fucking legit monster. Jeffrey calls in Super Jew to exorcise her ass. Everybody lives (just like my last CBF Review. Creepy).

I hate this movie because it’s infuriatingly middle-of-the-road (wasteful), the older daughter is a useless bitch who doesn’t do anything, and the demon only gets 1 confirmed kill (the teacher, who only has 2 scenes before her death).

You should watch because the demon’s behaviour is refreshingly different (instead of the usual “fuck shit up just because” crap, this demon really only reacts to perceived threats and has a clear goal of taking life for itself), the Jewish angle was new, and the demon attacks Kyra’s new boyfriend by ripping out his teeth (he’s a dentist. Irony!).

Verdict: 3 out of 5 stars.

It gets the job done (and reasonably well), but you don’t need me to go on about it.

The Possession Emily wind power teeth

I know BeyoncĂ© is all for empowering women, but I’m not sure if this is what she had in mind.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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