TV Review: Revenge Season 2 Episode 17

Revenge Padma crosshairs


Another week, another episode of Revenge that isn’t a complete disaster.

It’s like I don’t even know this show anymore.

TL;DR Eli’s true intentions come out. He then promptly fucks off. Accountant makes the Carrion handover, but it goes awry. And Nolan grow multiple vaginas where his badassery used to be.

Oh, Nolan. You need to go back to fucking and blackmailing the Tylers of the world.

So the major plot this week is all about Eli, Emily and the foundation thing. Eli wants his and Emily’s old foster mother (her name is Meredith. That can’t be good) to be the first recipient of it. He tells Emily it’s a plan to get some revenge, but tells Meredith he’s in it to split some cash with her. Unfortunately, he turns out to be altruistic and crushes dat bitch at the Graysons’ press conference. Meredith does reveal that the fire Emily supposedly started (which got her sent to juvie and completely changed her life) was actually perpetrated by Eli. Eli then apparently leaves the show. We were just getting started. What a piker. Meanwhile, Aiden and Nolan set up the exchange for Accountant’s dad. The Initiative kidnaps Accountant instead. Nolan sulks. Meanwhile, Jack still fancies himself as a spy. He tracks down Kenny Ryan, who has recordings of Conrad’s meetings with Sam Anders. Jack still believes that Conrad put Sam Anders up to the whole boat thing, despite that being totally wrong.

Jack’s not too bright. But he is pretty.

I think the most disappointing thing about this episode is Eli’s sudden decision to leave. Although I applaud his wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am approach to things, I was hoping he’d provide some decent drama for a little while yet.

His snap from “vaguely villainous” to “unquestionably heroic” was also very upsetting. I thought we had something special going here, scary black person. Once Upon a Time is making you look bad.

Why I hate this episode:

Victoria and Conrad continue to do absolutely nothing. Victoria’s only contribution to the episode is to roll around and be tricked by Eli and Meredith, then act indignant when it goes to shit. What did she fucking think would happen? This is Amanda’s foster brother and foster mother and she immediately gives them the power to embarrass her in public. They came from the same place Amanda did. She really should have expected that.

Conrad’s only point of meaning in the episode is to hire Jack for his campaign or some shit. This isn’t bad in itself. What makes it frustrating is that Jack is trying to be all covert ops because he believes Conrad ordered Sam Anders to attack them on the boat. Well, he didn’t. Conrad was hilariously irresponsible to inform Sam Anders that Jamanda were the reason the deal fell through, but he didn’t say “Y’all go kill them now, ya hear?” Jack is the dumbest character on the show. And remember, this is a show that includes Charlotte.

Nolan warrants some epic demerit points. The plan for the exchange is for Aiden to snipe the Initiative agents who meet Accountant and for them to just take her dad. Of course, they don’t bring daddy with them, so things get awkward. When it becomes clear that they’re probably doing something bad to Accountant, Aiden’s like “Fuck it, imma shoot ’em all anyway. To save Accountant.” But Nolan slaps the rifle, which causes them to get away. After they are unable to find Accountant, Nolan has a big bitch about how it’s all Aiden’s fault. Um, you’re the cunt who didn’t let him take the shot. Sure, daddy would have likely been killed, but at least you’d have your lady love.

Also, who the fuck cries over Accountant? Nolan being cool was so long ago that I sometimes forget he was ever anything more than a wimpy bag of tears.

The Initiative, having captured Accountant and discovered the tracking device Nolan placed in the Carrion USB, send a text implying they’ve decapitated the bitch and put her head in a box. I was very sad to see that it wasn’t true.

Oh, and Nolan figures out that Falcon is working with the Initiative. I don’t care.

Reasons to watch:

Eli fucks Meredith pretty hard. And the whole “whose side is he on!?” thing worked on me. When I saw him scheming with Meredith, I totally thought he was gonna flip Emily for some easy money. The bombing of the press conference was delicious.

Equally, Meredith’s comeback about him starting the fire was adorable. Way to take him down with you.

Eli later tortures Meredith to find out what she did with the letters David Clarke sent to his daughter that she never received. Turns out she sold them to Mason Treadwell. Emily visits him in prison, and although they were burned down in his house fire last season, they revealed that Victoria has another son that she stuffed away in foster care. Ooh. Ah. Lalala.

Daniel has a cute little subplot that involves him becoming paranoid about who’s watching him. Near the end of the episode he receives a photo of his supposedly secret rendezvous with Emily. The envelope also contains 2 bullets. Creepay.

Ashley tells Conrad his polling numbers are bad because he’s a haughty, 1%, elitist snob. Dat realism.

I liked how direct Aiden’s plan with the handover was. For fucking once. It also involved Accountant and her dad going into hiding with new identities and probably never returning. See, Aiden knows what I want.

Best line of the episode goes to Nolan. Aiden is telling him to stop being such an anxious fuck when they’re on the rooftop, gettin’ ready to snipe some shit. Nolan is typically glib: “I’m sorry, Lee Harvey.” I’m mainly impressed because it’s the only moment of the episode where he isn’t a whining, selfish fuckhead.

Emily does the ol’ Revenge “X” on a photo of Meredith after everything goes down.

At the handover, Burn is taking directions from a hidden, gloved individual. Please be someone we already know. Revenge could use some PLL influence.

Oh, and speaking of PLL influence, Ashley’s top looks kinda familiar, doesn’t it?

Revenge Ashley black leather top Pretty Little Liars Hanna

“Bitch jack’d my swag!” -Hanna

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

7 responses to “TV Review: Revenge Season 2 Episode 17”

  1. Jess says :

    “And remember, this is a show that includes Charlotte”


    that killed me.

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