TV Review: Revenge Season 2 Episode 16

Jesus fuck, Revenge.

Why couldn’t I have made my declaration to quit viewing back when every episode was a guaranteed turd?

Now I have to keep watching and hating myself for enjoying it.

This is how serial killers are born.

TL;DR Emily’s foster brother is turning out to be shady as fuck, Jack’s determination to be a badass grows, and Emily and Nolan almost bankrupt the Graysons.

But fail due to a new character who happens to block them at just the right time. Of course.

This week’s episode revolves around Emily’s foster brother, Eli. He’s a con artist or some shit, and yes, he does recognise Emily. Emily is not too happy about this, and even tries paying him off to GTFO, but he’s hesitant. Victoria then appoints him co-chair of the charity thing she’s setting up in Amanda’s name, so he’ll be sticking around. Meanwhile, Victoria and Conrad totally set up a charity in Amanda’s name. Both to make them look nice, and to use as a shelter for their money as they’re afraid the Initiative is gonna fuck up Grayson Global. Emily and Nolan try to use Carrion to bankrupt the charity (and, thus, the Graysons) but some hacker named The Falcon has it protected. And Daniel gets Aiden on the Grayson Global board. Finally.

There’s also a subplot about Jack being mad at Nolan for saving him from the boat. But who gives a fuck about that, amirite?

So, like, goddammit. I just want this to be over already, but Revenge keeps just making it across the line. Fucking dump an Accountant-heavy episode on me so I can go!

And stop introducing shit-but-juicy new characters and plotlines to make me stay.

Oh god, I must be coming around to the idea of Revenge being acceptable as a soap opera. What madness is this?

Why I hate this episode:

But it’s still embarrassingly soap opera. Eli’s introduction was way too convenient, but the real kicker is Falcon. Emily and Nolan finally have a plan to destroy the Graysons, and they’re actually going to put the elusive Carrion to use, then out of fucking nowhere Falcon pops up to spoil the day. Extra demerit points because Nolan tries his best to validate the plot swerve by having a flashback to David Clarke which explains that Falcon helped the Graysons destroy him. I’m not buying it, bro.

Also, god fucking dammit, Emily had her revenge (ah ha!) so close. Has she made any ground this season? If anything she’s been set back because Victoria doesn’t trust her at all anymore. And apart from contributing to Daniel’s Ice Queen-ification, she has no net profit on her revenge investment yet. Bitch, season 2’s almost over. Get a move on.

Emily and Eli’s foster mother (as delivered via flashback) is yet another stereotypically evil foster/step parent. Come on somebody, give these guys a fucking break.

Jack’s subplot is boring (really? What a surprise) and tedious. He can now add Nolan to the list of people he doesn’t trust without much justification. He gets all uppity because he more or less (Nolan tries to palm it off to Kenny Ryan for some reason) figures out that Nolan is the one who saved him from the boat. He’s completely ungrateful and instead harps on about how Nolan’s keeping secrets from him. Cunt, you’re lucky to be alive. Chill.

Daniel’s spiral into guilt-induced depression is a touch melodramatic. He blames himself for Amanda’s death. Why? Unless I’ve forgotten something (entirely possible. Please correct me if I’m a wrong fuckwit), Daniel had nothing to do with it. Conrad and Ashley were the ones making the business deals with Sam Anders. Where exactly is Daniel connected with what happened to Amanda? Seriously, someone fill me in.

Emily gives Eli $100,000 and Nolan computer magics his criminal history away, and he still betrays them. Rude.

Oh, and Victoria is back to her stupid, stupid ways. She buys fully into Eli’s bullshit, all the while acting smug about not trusting Emily. Nicely done, dumbass.

Reasons to watch:

Eli is a promising step towards potential drama. Because he knows Emily’s secret. Please exploit this as much as possible, Revenge. At least enough to drown out the Initiative crap.

I was also extremely thankful that Revenge made the sensible choice to have Eli, you know, recognise her. I was afraid there for a bit, considering he didn’t say it straight away, and Emily mentioned the last time they saw each other was when she was 13. I was rolling my eyes all over the fucking place. Then he was all like “Bitch, I know yo’ shit.” Such relief.

Jack is kind of adorably inept and bizarre with his whole thing. The ungratefulness is just the start. Now he’s getting all buddy-buddy with the Graysons so he can bring them down from inside. I don’t know how he expects to do that without Nolan or Emily’s help, but I’m eager to watch him fail like the bar rat townie he is. You ain’t got no money. You ain’t got no magic computer plot device. You got nothin’. Maybe he’ll join forces with the Initiative.

Jack also gets best line this episode. It’s enjoyably pathetic:
Nolan: “What are you doing here?”
Jack: “Practicing.”
Nolan: “Practicing what?”
Jack: “Lying through my teeth, like you and Emily.”
Ooh, girl. I am petrified.

Aiden’s starting to get things going his way (he’s earned it). While he does end up falling out with an erratic Daniel, he does seem to convince him that he isn’t Initiative. Plus, Conrad appoints him as treasurer of the charity. So maybe he, Emily and Nolan can come up with a Plan B to bankrupt the Graysons.

Conrad and Victoria are hilariously flippant about the charity. They raise $5 million for it and they laugh about how they don’t even know what it’s actually for yet. My favourite rich bitches.

Daniel goes to Emily to spill the beans about the Initiative and his fears of what they’ll do through Grayson Global. Smart move. Even if he doesn’t know it.

Oh, and despite being sidelined to the role of messenger boy, Ashley is still around. That’s cool, right?

Revenge Victoria Ashley pink dress

Cute dress, though.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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